DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: We have two wonderful teenage daughters who give us few problems. However, their email and cell phone accounts are in our names and without their knowledge, we routinely check their messages. Our youngest, age 16, has a friend from a good family who has been texting her very — and I mean VERY — personal questions about female anatomy. He is also 16 and attends a different school. They rarely see each and mainly communicate electronically. To her credit, my daughter has ignored these texts, however, I’m so upset that I’m considering informing his parents — but then I’d have to confess to eavesdropping. I snoop only to keep my minor children safe from cyberjerks. What does your panel think we should do? — Concerned Mom & Dad, Carmel, CA
Editor’s Web Note: Parental snooping: When is it okay, when is it not? As usual, the panel responses are spot-on, including empathy for parents misled by the media to think kids are in constant peril and in need of surveillance.
Such great young people! Each one ordinary and extraordinary. It’s an ongoing privilege to work with them. —Lauren
Comments
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Why not find the answers to your questions in Gods’ Holy Word?
He has all the answers!!!
Love your daughters and teach them Gods’ Way in which they should go and they will not depart from it. -
If the parents pay for the phone & service they are not snooping because the phone is their property.
Furthermore, if the teenagers don’t like this they should get jobs and purchase their own phones and service.
enough said.V/R
R. Thornton -
Regarding your parents snooping article: I am a School Resource Officer at a large high school in Southern California. As long as the parents are providing these electronic devices for the kids, anything on them belongs to the parents. The parent should set the rules prior to providing the device. If the kid doesn’t want to play by the rules, then go get a job and pay for the cellphone or computer service themself. There are laws against illegal contact with minors because minors do not have the maturity or knowledge to know when someone is trying to take advantage or manipulate them. Again, as long as the parent provides the service, they should have full access to all that occurs through that service.
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My parents trusted my brother and I to make good decisions. Yes, there are people out there who take advantage of teens, I will admit to that; but teenagers NEED privacy. They’re trying to become adults, and how will they ever do that if they’re told over and over by actions of their parents that they’re not trustworthy, that they can’t handle texting friends or acquaintances, and that they’re incapable of recognizing when they’re in trouble. There’s always a risk when you let go of your children, but you’ve got to do it sometime or they will fail.
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“As long as the parents are providing these electronic devices for the kids, anything on them belongs to the parents.”
I think it goes further then this. Parents are legally liable for the actions of their children until the age of majority. And in the US we have laws concerning speach including laws on conspiracy. I don’t think my kids, or any kids I know would fall afoul of those laws. But if I’m the one who could end up bankrupt or in jail don’t I have a right to ask? I’m new to this and not sure about the idea of doing it surreptitiously. I’d rather
ask. But if the law holds me accountable I’ll be taking action to ensure the safety of my family and myself. -
I am shocked by the comments I’ve seen before me. Seriously? Do any of you have any idea how damaging it is to think your parents don’t trust you when you’ve done nothing wrong?
My parents never snooped on my cell phone, because I never gave them a reason to think I was doing something bad. If I’d been high all the time, or been partying constantly, or sneaking out, god of course they should have gone snooping, but I never did anything like that or gave them a reason to think I was.
As a matter of fact, it was damaging when my parents didn’t trust me to finish my homework on time even though I had straight A’s in school, badgering me and yelling sometimes when I didn’t do it the second I got home. We’ve worked past that now, but that was hard enough to get over and it was way less a break of trust then them going through my text messages!
The responses to this article on the part of the Panelists were spot on, and I agree with wholeheartedly. Lauren’s summary was perfect as well. The comments other people have made? I’ve never been so stunned by the ignorance apparent in the adult community.
