Dear Straight Talk: I will soon be a stepmother and the hot topic in my stepmother’s group is how many presents to buy the stepchildren. Part of the group believes that they should treat all their children equally, buying the same amount of presents (or spending the same amount of money) regardless of family status. The other members believe it’s okay to spend half as much on stepchildren because they’ll be getting gifts from their other families as well. I’m wondering what teens from blended families think is the best approach.—Stepmother to be
Dear Stepmother: Santa’s been banging his head on the chimney over this one, too. Here’s how the teen elves think he should pack his sleigh:
If the children live together on a frequent basis (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, etc.), then the gift value should be equal among them. They felt it should be equal even if the stepchildren were spending the holidays with their other parent.
In the case of less-frequent stepchildren (those who summer over, for example), they felt that the spending could be less, but only if that child wasn’t spending any part of the holidays with them. If that child was spending even a small part of the holidays with them, then an equal value of gifts needed to appear under the tree.
The teens say it’s not worth the awkwardness to do it differently. The stepchildren feel like they are less loved and the biological children feel guilty or falsely superior, which sets up an emotional dynamic that can become legendary.
For the lucky child with both biological parents under one roof who thinks it’s unfair that his stepsiblings get to make a double haul, what a great opportunity to explain the spirit of giving.
——-
