DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Our new stepfather’s father is prejudiced and constantly uses racial slurs to refer to African Americans, Latinos and Asians. He also loves telling racially offensive jokes which he (alone) finds hysterically funny. Our parents taught my sister and me not to be prejudiced. I got fed up when he was here for dinner and started talking this way and said, “I’m not listening to this anymore!” and left the table. My sister said, “Neither am I,” and did the same. We stayed in our room until he left, whereupon our stepfather chewed us out royally and grounded us for two weeks saying that while none of us agree with his father’s racial attitudes, he won’t change at his age and that we have to respect our family elders. Our mother just stood there biting her tongue. I’m so angry. Should we have to “respect our elders” in such a situation? Or do we have the right to say this is wrong and refuse to listen to it? — Angry Stepdaughter, Sacramento, Calif.
Editor’s Web Note: My stepfather grew up in the South and was quite racist. My mother, who had raised my siblings and I to be just the opposite, didn’t say a negative word about his tasteless stories and slurs. Her behavior was as shocking to me as “Angry Stepdaughter’s” mother’s is to her. It ended up teaching me a lot about having the courage of my convictions — and also (eventually) about seeing the good parts in everyone, racist stepfathers included, and being responsible for my own part in spreading hate. —Lauren
Comments
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Angry and her sister should be commended for what they did and it is a travesty for them to be punished. It was also terrible for their mom to allow this instead of standing up for them. Racist comments should never be tolerated and those who make them do not deserve any respect even if they are someone’s step (or real) grandparent, parent, or other family member. I totally disagree with those who said that her step grandfather still deserved respect.
I have strong feelings about this because my sister is half African American. Technically, she’s my half sister, but as far as I’m concerned, she’s just my sister and we are as close as sisters can be, much closer than many of my friends are with their sisters. When we moved into a bigger house, we passed on the chance to have our own rooms and let our younger brothers have their own rooms because we like being together and always being there for each other. We face prejudice and racially insensitive comments all the time, even from people who claim not to be prejudiced. Whenever someone makes a racially insensitive comment to or about my sister or anyone else, I speak up and put them in their place. I actually had a friend change her mind about spending the night when she found out that my sister is half African American and that we share a room. She claimed that she is not prejudiced, but that she just “wouldn’t be comfortable” sleeping and undressing in the same room with my sister. If that is not prejudice, I don’t know what is. That girl is no longer my friend to say the least.
