Dear Straight Talk: I don’t know what to do about my friend “Tasha.” Her mother died about 8 months ago. We’re both 16 and used to be good friends but now she’s so different. I feel bad that we’re not friends anymore but I don’t know what to say to snap her out of it. Any suggestions?—Want my friend back
Dear Want my Friend Back: The mother/child bond is so strong that when a mother dies prematurely, often a piece of the child dies with her. It can take time and healing to be fully present again. That’s where you come in. Friends play a huge part in the healing process and even if Tasha seems to be rejecting you, she needs you more than ever. I suggest you first send Tasha a card and let her know you’re there for her. Follow this up with a phone call inviting her to do something with you. If she refuses, keep gently inviting her to different things and eventually she’ll trust that you’re in her life to stay. Keep reading for more insight from Amy:
From Amy, 17: My mother died when I was 15. In my case, even though I couldn’t bring up the subject or even really talk about my mother’s death, I wanted my friends around me. Some of my friends were able to broach the subject and some weren’t, it just depended on their personalities. And it didn’t matter; I just wanted them around. One of my friends drifted off. He didn’t know how to be around me. It’s sad, but, at the time, I was the one who needed help and I couldn’t possibly figure out how to help him. Hearing something as simple as, “Is everything okay for you? If you want to talk about it, I’m right here,” did wonders for me. As did cards and letters from friends who were too shy to say anything. Lots of flowers and letters arrived for the family expressing condolences, but the ones were that were addressed specifically to me were unbelievably comforting. The two-month point was the worst. The flurry of friends and relatives dropped off all at once and I felt pretty alone for awhile. I’m grateful for the friends who hung in there with me.
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