DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: In the recent letter from “Smoked-Out,” about her sister’s boyfriend sneaking cigarettes in their bedroom, at least she has house no-smoking rules on her side. But what if it’s your parent or step-parent who smokes? Our stepdad is a very heavy smoker — and heavy drinker — and his smoke permeates our small apartment. My sister and I stick to our room with the door closed and window open as much as we can. It helps some, but not that much. His attitude is, “I pay the rent and I’ll smoke if I want. Anybody who doesn’t like it can leave!” He’s very domineering and our mom, who is financially dependent on him, is afraid to stand up to him. She has no job skills and says that even skilled people are having trouble getting jobs these days, so we’d end up homeless if he left. If anybody has any ideas for our situation, I’d love to hear them because the smoke really bothers us. — Marie, Santa Ana, Calif.
Editor’s Web Note: To all teens who smoke: Quit now. Not only is it easier when you’re young, but today’s letter could be written about you in a few short years. Do you think “Stepdad” ever saw this belligerent future for himself when he was your age? No, but it happens. I’ve had letters from gagging teens forced to dine together while a parent smokes at table. (Family values in action!) Tobacco is a great example of how addictions cause boorish behavior without the excuse of being “high” that alcohol and other drugs have. That’s how addiction works: whether the substance makes you high or not, when it needs to be “fed,” and can get away with it, it almost always cancels out doing what’s right. —Lauren
Comments
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I’m in a similar situation and also can find no solution. My parents are divorced and I spend every other weekend at my dad’s for visitations. My dad, my stepmom, and my stepsisters who I have to share a room with when I’m there all smoke, so there’s no escape, not even a room where I can go and open the window and/or use an air filter like some of the panelists suggest. The only one who doesn’t smoke is my 13 year old stepbrother. I’d almost rather share a room with him notwithstanding the opposite sex room sharing issues that have been discussed in recent columns (and I’d certainly change in the bathroom or my stepsisters’ room unlike some of the others). However, I don’t really think that’s a realistic possibilty and the smoke is so pervasive that I don’t think it would help that much anyway. I guess I’m lucky that it’s only every other weekend unlike those who have to put up with it seven days a week, but it still really bothers me and makes me dread visitations rather than having it be a positive experience like it should be.
Linda
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Our mom is a heavy smoker, but at least she goes outside so that my sister and I aren’t exposed to the second hand smoke. She’s tried many times to stop, but says she’s “hooked” and can’t stop even though she knows it’s likely to shorten her life. She says she started as a teenager because she thought it was “cool.” It’s one thing for adults to smoke, and they have that right. However, it’s totally wrong to expose their kids to it. We have laws that protect adults in the workplace and other indoor public places, but kids, even babies, can be exposed to second hand smoke in the home. Does that make sense? No. I think that it should be banned even inside of private homes when there are minor children in the home.
Alicia
