DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My stepsister has been propositioning me when I’m at my dad’s on visitations and we are home alone. She’s 17 and I’m 16. At first I thought she was joking and laughed it off, but I’ve come to realize that she’s serious. Last weekend she walked around in nothing but her thong underwear when we were alone. I know it would be wrong to have sex with my stepsister even if we used protection. But she has a very attractive body and the temptation is hard to resist. I’m scared I may give in to her overtures. Please help. — Propositioned in Elk Grove, Calif.
Editor’s Note: So many things today are taken care of by parents. Not only are today’s helicopter parents ever present, it is considered “politically correct” and a “no-duh” to involve them in most dilemmas. However, it’s not always the best solution — both for solving the problem and for aiding adolescent-to-adult growth. “Propositioned’s” situation is an example of something teens are equipped to solve on their own, to their own betterment and usually to a more honest, less drama-laden solution than if the quagmire of parents and stepparents are involved. —Lauren
Comments
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It looks like I’m not the only one. My stepsisters offered me what they called a “2 for the price of 1” deal. They said they had never seen a guy their age naked and offered to let me see both of them if they could see me one night when we were at home alone when I was there on a visitation. At first I said we were way too old to “play doctor” but they persisted and I gave in to the temptation. We went in their room with the door closed so that in case our parents came home unexpectedly we could get dressed really quick and say we were playing a game on the computer in their room. We all stripped and I got an erection which they thought was really funny. Nothing more happened, but I now realize that something really bad could have. The next day, I felt really ashamed and embarrassed and still do. However, it didn’t phase them. They would just look at my crotch and smile which I found humiliating. This was 3 months ago and It’s still hard to look them in the eye. And I now realize I didn’t really get a “2 for the price of 1” deal. I got to see 2 girls naked, but only 1 guy saw them while I had to let 2 girls see me and they’re sisters who share a room so I’m sure they’re used to being naked in front of each other so that didn’t matter to them, so I didn’t get any special deal. I really wish this had never happened. Most people would think that guys would be more likely to be the agressors about something like this and girls would be more likely to be embarrassed about it afterwards, but based on my experience and the other stepbrother who wrote, I’m not so sure this is true.
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This is in response to both this week’s and last week’s columns because I was seduced by my stepsister while sharing a bed with her (I’m a girl). When I was 13 my 17 year old stepsister who I idolized and had always looked up to seduced and I guess you would say molested me. We shared a bed on visitations and she first talked me into sleeping in the nude. She kept telling me I’d find it so much more comfortable and was really pushy about it and I gave in. We were used to undressing in front of each other and seeing each other nude, so it didn’t seem like a big deal at first. However, she started getting closer and closer to me in bed and then touching me in private places and finally full scale sex. I was too scared to resist so I let her violate me. I was too humiliated and ashamed to tell anyone what she was doing to me. This went on for more than a year until she went away to college. It’s been 3 years, but the scars from this are still there and I’ve been too afraid to have a relationship with a guy even though I’m sure I’m straight. Until now I’ve never told anyone and it’s hard to write this even anonymously. However, it feels good to finally get it out.
What I want to say is that seducing a family or stepfamily member, especially someone younger and vulnerable is very very wrong whether the same sex or the opposite sex, and sharing a bed is a very bad idea once you reach puberty even though it seems harmless since “you’re both girls.”
S.
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I’m not sure which one of us seduced the other and you probably could say that we seduced each other as we were mutually attracted to each other, but my stepbrother and I ended up having sex. I can say from experience that no matter who seduces whom, stepsibling sex is a bad, bad idea. I share a room with my sister and my stepbrother sleeps on the sleeper couch when he stays with us, so you wouldn’t think there would be much opportunity to have sex. However, our parents often go out for the evening on weekends and my sister often spends the night at her best friend’s on weekends, and one such night we ended up going all the way. At first I was just going to give him oral sex with a condom on and justified it by telling ourselves that this wasn’t really having sex as has been written about in Straight Talk. However, we got so turned on that we ended up going all the way. The next day and ever since, we both have been very ashamed and embarrassed and can hardly look at each other. While it technically may not be incest since we are not blood related siblings, it sure feels like it! My sister has sensed that something is wrong since I avoid leaving our room when he’s here and our parents aren’t home and has asked me what’s going on. I lie and tell her nothing is wrong, but I can tell that she doesn’t believe it. I now realize that teenage sex is bad enough by itself, but when it involves a stepsibling it is much, much worse. I also now feel that oral sex is having sex and is also likely to lead to even more.
Cathy
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I was already nervous, but S.‘s comment now really has me worried. I’m 14 and have a 17 year old stepsister (my dad’s stepdaughter). She’s been very good to me and has helped me through some difficult times, and I have come to feel like she’s my “big sister” that I always wanted to have. We share a room and bed when I’m at my dad’s on visitations. Sharing a bed had never been a problem. Lately, she started sleeping in the nude. I’m somewhat uncomfortable with this, but can handle it. However, she’s started to encourage me to also sleep in the nude. She keeps telling me that I’ll find it so much more comfortable and is becomming very pushy about it telling me that I should at least “give it a try” and making me feel that I’m totally unreasonable if I won’t even try it out. However, I don’t understand why she would be so anxious for me to sleep with her in the nude unless she has an ulterior motive. I mean, why should she care? Last weekend she sarcastically asked if I thought she was gay when I again politely declined her suggestion to sleep in the nude and put on my nightgown. So she’s putting me in the position of either sleeping in the nude with her or being accused of thinking she’s gay which puts me between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been sharing a room and bed and undressing in front of her during visitations for 2 years and never before had the feeling that she had any sexual interest in me. However, it still makes me very nervous that she’s being so pushy about wanting me to sleep in the nude in the same bed with her, especially after reading about S.‘s experience.
Nervous Stepsister
