Straight Talk TNT

Son uncomfortable with “au naturale” mother

Oct 07, 2009

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m 16 and have a 13-year-old brother. Our mom thinks the human body is “nothing to be ashamed of” and walks around the house nude or in bra and panties regularly. It wasn’t a big deal when I was younger, but she’s 38 and keeps her body in very good shape, and I’m ashamed to admit that I sometimes feel stimulated. I’ve asked her nicely to stop, saying it makes me uncomfortable, but I’m too ashamed and embarrassed to explain why. Also, our bedroom doesn’t have a lock and she always walks in without knocking, even when we’re naked and getting dressed. She says she isn’t interested in our bodies, that she changed our diapers a million times, however, she isn’t blind and can’t help seeing us. Don’t you think her nudity is wrong at our ages? And shouldn’t we be entitled to privacy in our room when we’re undressing? — Embarrassed in Folsom

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Katelyn 14, Huntington Beach, CA Ask me a question

Yes and yes. My mom hates accidentally walking in on me half-naked — and I’m a girl! Be firm with her, or bring in support from others. Apparently nice didn’t work.

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Mariah 17, Sand Springs, OK Ask me a question

Bottom line: if it makes you uncomfortable, she needs to stop.

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Brie 18, Ashland, OR Ask me a question

There is no way I would feel comfortable with my father walking around nude. It is definitely not acceptable — especially since you informed her that it makes you uncomfortable! Since your vague explanation didn’t work, either be more precise, or be adamant that her behavior is NOT okay.

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Vanessa 21, Galt, CA Ask me a question

There is a time called puberty — when changing, showering, and using the restroom become private. When I was a teenage girl, my father would walk in my room without knocking, too, and I’m pretty sure that could be considered domestic sexual abuse. I bought a lock for my door and explained that unless barging in on me was an act he wished returned, it should no longer happen.

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Jack 18, San Luis Obispo, CA Ask me a question

I would feel completely uncomfortable in your position. I would talk to your dad about it, or give her this column.

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Jessie 17 , Ashland, OR Ask me a question

This has to stop! Unless you belong to a cult, age 16 is way beyond the point where family nudity is appropriate. You need to bring in an adult who can help. If your father is in the picture, have him talk to her — or, if possible, go live with him for awhile. As for your bedroom, buy your own lock.

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Nicole 19, Arcata, CA Ask me a question

Yes, you should have privacy in your room, but I see nothing wrong with your mother being comfortable in her own home. Also, it is common for young men to sometimes be attracted to their mothers.

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Lauren Ask me a question

DEAR EMBARRASSED: If family nudity involves zero tension and zero agenda, yes, there is nothing wrong with it. However, if the nudity makes you uncomfortable, and that discomfort has been communicated, then it is wrong if a parent doesn’t stop or tone it way down. Frankly, I have to wonder about the obliviousness (or warped psychological need) of a parent who doesn’t.

Are young men sometimes attracted to their mothers? Sure, but once puberty hits, it’s one of the most mortifying feelings a young man can have — as you well know! Parents need to adjust household routines during puberty so sons don’t fixate their emerging sexuality onto their mothers (the same applies for girls and fathers). Since your mother, for whatever reason, isn’t making those adjustments, YOU must.

Your instincts are flawless. Yes, you deserve privacy, yes, her nudity is inappropriate. I support all the methods of change suggested by the panel. Make them happen. Start with absolute refusal to speak or look at her unless she is fully dressed.

Picture of Lauren Forcella

Editor’s Web Note: WHAT are some parents THINKING? Sexuality is more confusing than ever without having a hot nude mother walking around. If you’re not familiar with the term “milf” you need to read this column more often. Or check the urban dictionary. — Lauren

Comments

  1. By Linda from Rocklin, CA U.S.A. on 10/10/2009

    I agree with you.  My stepmom is very casual about nudity around the house and and it makes me and my sister very uncomfortable when we’re there on visitations even though we’re girls, so I can imagine how it must be for a boy your age.  She says it doesn’t matter since nobody sees her but our Dad, her husband, and “us girls.”  She also doesn’t see any reason to knock before coming into the guest room where we stay even when she knows we’re getting dressed or undressed since “we’re all girls.”  We’re not overly modest, but someone parading around, even another female makes us uncomfortable and we don’t like being barged in on when we’re naked as has happened more than once.

  2. By Alexandra from Pewaukee, WI on 11/03/2009

    I definitely think it’s inexcusable to continue doing something that causes someone else to stumble or makes them uncomfortable when they’ve already asked you to stop. I don’t even know how your mom is comfortable walking around like that. It’s different if you’re in your own room or your own apartment or house and there’s no one there with you but when you’re with your kids…the clothes need to stay on. Little kids too because otherwise they may learn to do the same thing and have the same problem with their children. May seem like a stretch, but trust me…it happens.
    I’d buy a lock and I agree; tell her you can’t speak with her or take her seriously if she’s going to behave that way.

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