Dear Straight Talk: After reading the letter from “No name please” whose “perfect” brother was using cocaine and paying him to lie about it, I was reminded of when I was 16 and my sisters, “Lisa” and “Pam”, were 20 and 21, respectively. Pam was perfect, too. She was in Los Angeles taking university honors classes and working part-time for a movie producer. She confided in Lisa about the high-end parties, how first she did cocaine to fit in, and how it became an addiction. Lisa didn’t know what to do, so she told me. I didn’t know what to do either. All we knew was that we couldn’t tell our parents.
When we confronted Pam, first she was furious with Lisa for telling me, then she was furious with both of us because she thought we were going to tell our parents. We told her we weren’t, but that we also weren’t going to stand by and watch her life go down the toilet. It was us or the drug. We talked for over two hours and she hardly spoke until blowing us off with, “Thanks, guys.” After that, we informed some of her friends and they talked to her, too. It was like a month-long intervention.
The next thing we knew, she had gone to counseling and was off the drug. She said she still hung with the same crowd but had stopped using—and that nobody seemed to mind. The peer pressure, apparently, was self-imposed.
She told us later, “You guys were awesome; this is what family is all about.” Eventually, she even told our mom because she felt guilty keeping this part of her life hidden.—Ken, 18
Dear Ken: Thank you for sharing how a functional family works. People are never perfect, and we need each other to stay on track. It’s all about being loving and communicative, while at the same time expecting the best from each other. Your sister is very lucky to have you in her life.
While I appreciate your not wanting to go to your parents, sometimes there is no other choice. In the case of “No name please”, the writer had no sibling to rally with and his “perfect” brother was not only using cocaine, but selling it, too. In a case like that, the brakes need to go on fast before somebody ends up hurt or in jail.
I was touched that your sister ended up confiding in your mom. And that she discovered the big secret: What we call “peer” pressure comes mainly from within.
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