DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m 16 and my boyfriend is 17. We’ve been going out for nine months. His family has invited me to spend the week after Christmas at their cabin. I really want to go but my mom says I’m too young to spend a week away with my boyfriend. That would be true if it were just us, however, his parents and sisters will be there, too. It’s a little two-bedroom cabin, his parents have one room, I’d be in the other room with his sisters (ages 11 and 15), and he sleeps on the couch in the living room. We are not having sex, don’t plan to, and how could we anyway? My mom’s next argument is that I would be “deserting” my 15-year-old stepsister who is staying with us over Christmas vacation, who she says “needs my companionship.” The truth is we don’t get along that well and I would be her companion the first week. Once I’m gone she would have my bedroom to herself—and her dad—who she only sees a few times a year. I’m a good student and never in trouble. How can I convince my mom to let me go?—El Dorado Hills, Calif.
Editor’s Web Note: This generation can’t get enough of each other. They really like each other. Furthermore, teens and young adults of Generation Y are also known for a tendency to like their parents and to enjoy spending time with them. The combination makes today’s dilemma an increasingly common one. There’s no hard fast rule here. Some kids are going to have sex and some aren’t. Parents need to size up maturity levels of the kids, the philosophy of the supervising parents, the potential for alcohol and drugs, and make their decisions accordingly.
Comments
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Dear El Dorado Hills:
I totally agree that you should be allowed to go. If you and your boyfriend wanted to have sex you would find a way and would do it in a time and a place other than a 2 bedroom cabin with his parents there and you sharing a room with his sisters and him sleeping on the couch. I don’t see how you could have sex there even if you wanted to. I also really feel for you on the stepsister issue. Your lucky it’s only Christmas vacation. My mom won’t let me go anywhere when my stepsister is here on visitations EVERY OTHER WEEKEND unless I take her along with me. Often, she isn’t invited, so I’m stuck at home too. We have to share my room (and even my double bed). We don’t even like each other and hate having to share a room and bed. We’d both be happier if I could sometimes spend the night at a friend’s when she’s here and she could have the room to herself. I also feel the way that you do that she’s here to see her dad, not me, so he’s the one who should be spending his time with her. That’s the purpose of visitation.
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Remind her that his parents will be there watching over you two and that you never have done anything to violate their trust. After all, you two have been going out for 9 months without a problem. Also tell them that your stepsister would actually be HAPPIER without you. Give specific reasons why. If they still won’t relent, swallow it and hope for next year.
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I don’t see a problem with it seeing as the parents will be present—unless there is some reason your parents do not trust or feel comfortable with his parents. I think the stepsister excuse is unsound. You will have a much more enjoyable first week with her if you are allowed to go. If you stay it will most likely be two weeks of hostility.
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I don’t see a problem with you spending a week with your boyfriend and his family, but I can see where your mom is coming from about spending time with your stepsister. At 16, I hated spending time with my family when I could be off doing fun things with my friends. However, looking back, I am glad my parents made me go to those family functions. Family is important, even if they are only stepfamily. Boyfriends come and go but family is always there. No matter how much you dislike each other, you will always have that bond. My advice would be to tell your parents you will stay even though you really want to go, thus showing them your good character. If you do this instead of arguing with them (because it can be futile to change a parents mind after it’s set) maybe they will be more lenient in the future.
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If you think you might be able to convince your mom you need to have her talk to your boyfriend’s parents to reassure her that you guys will not be staying in the same room and all that good stuff. If she still won’t let you then there isn’t much you can do. My mom probably wouldn’t have let me go either.
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Have your parents talk to your boyfriend’s parents if you haven’t already. I’m sure you’ve told your mother all about the sleeping arrangements, but it will put her at ease if she can hear it from the parents in charge. If you think your stepsister would rather have you out of the house anyway, then ask her to tell your mom that. Hope this helps!
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If you are honest enough to come out and say that you are not having sex and don’t plan to and will be under constant supervision I say “why not?”. I think it could be a great experience.
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I met my boyfriend when I was 15. After about 6 months of dating (and that means spending every waking hour possible with each other), he ended up falling asleep on my bed after a night of hanging out with friends in my room. Despite the other 4 people which included 2 girls and 3 boys all in all, my mom comes in to check on us and sees us fully clothed (not even in pj’s) and all my friends asleep, but because he was on my bed, she went ballistic! We had a huge violent fight and after an hour, it was forgotten. A few months later, she noticed that I would set my alarm really early, between 4-5am just to call and wake him up. She asked why and I said that he doesn’t like to wake up, lol. Honestly it was just a few weeks later that he spent the night again and this time there were no problems between my mother and I (my dad never cared). I was 15 almost 16 and my boyfriend was living with me, in my room, in my bed. He had no other reasons other than we liked to sleep next to each other and I would wake him up for work. I’m 21 now, we are still together, 6 years later, still sharing a bed, a room, and 2 puppies lol. I’m not pregnant, my boyfriend and I have very good jobs/careers, we are responsible and both want marriage before children. It’s all about trust. If your parents won’t give you the opportunity to prove to them how mature you are, while being with your boyfriend’s entire family, then obviously they don’t trust that they raised your right.
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I wanna go on vation with my boyfriend and his whole family. I am 17 years old how do i convince my parent that it going to be ok?
