Straight Talk TNT

Should parents restrict access to son’s troubled friend?

Nov 02, 2011

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: What should I do? My son is 16 and wants to hang out with someone who is a very bad influence and I don’t know how to go about preventing that. Whenever they spend time together, my son comes home edgy, irritable and out of sorts. He isolates himself from us and it takes a day or two to start acting himself again. We normally communicate well and hear what is going on in his life, but when he spends time with “Kevin” that all shifts. Lately he wants to hang out with Kevin more. Kevin is a very troubled individual. I have empathy for him, but my gut says trouble is ahead if they hang out too much. Any ideas? I love your column. — Claudia, Salinas, Calif.

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Gregg 20, Los Angeles Ask me a question

You son is using drugs. I guarantee, if you drug-test him when he comes home from being with Kevin, it will show positive. And I bet the drug is not weed, but meth, cocaine or ecstasy. Even if I'm wrong, he should be restricted from anyone who creates such a negative behavioral change. I went through a rough patch with drugs in high school and my parents waited a bit, then put their foot down hard. I was mad at first, but less than a month later, I was grateful. Being drug tested made it easy for me to say no when I was out with my “drug friends.” These friendships soon faded because without the drugs, there was no point. I recommend you test your son next time he comes home acting like you describe. (You must actually watch him pee.) If the tests are negative, you probably aren't doing something correctly so get your test kits and instructions from a rehab center.

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Sarah 19, Redding, Calif Ask me a question

A good friend in middle school was into some pretty bad things. Luckily, I was a good influence on her instead of the other way around. Had it been the reverse, though, my parents would have noticed immediately and made me stop seeing her. I would have rather lost her friendship than kept it and gained a drug addiction. If Kevin is negatively affecting your son, his health and happiness are worth ending their friendship.

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Lauren 19, Ithaca, N.Y. Ask me a question

Talk to your son about your observations! I was raised in Los Angeles where it’s easy to lose yourself. My Mom never directly prevented friendships, but she always pushed me into other things, like sports and theater, which helped me make real relationships.

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Brie 20, Santa Barbara, Calif. Ask me a question

It’s a tricky balance between restrictions and letting kids learn from mistakes. My brother got into a lot of trouble in high school and it took him getting arrested to wake up. I got an MIP (for drinking) and it was just the consequence I needed to adjust my lifestyle.

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Christina 19, Marysville, Calif. Ask me a question

A close friend started hanging out with the wrong crowd a couple years back. His mother tried to step in but she wasn't very strict about it. He is now in a detention center. Your son is not telling you the whole story. Please restrict him from hanging out with Kevin.

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Lauren Ask me a question

DEAR CLAUDIA: I hope the panel's sharing hit home. I agree with Gregg that your son is using drugs. I'd bet money on it. Furthermore, your letter indicates he is having a negative mental reaction to them and showing signs of addiction. Any desire for him to “learn on his own” versus regulating his life, goes out the window with these signs. It's parental spine time. Please step in hard with drug testing and full restrictions on this friendship — the sooner the better. A source of accurate, inexpensive test kits and testing protocol is at Recovery Happens (www.recoveryhappens.com).

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Editor’s Note: I refer my readers to a column we did specifically on drug testing (NOV 24, 2010 in our website archives at www.straighttalkTNT.com). In it you will read about the positive attitudes that today’s youth have toward being drug tested. Times have changed from their parents’ day and almost all young people welcome drug testing if there is cause. Nobody wants to have their life swallowed by drugs and there are a lot of drugs out there today that can do just that.

As in all types of at-risk behavior, the sooner intervention happens, the quicker the positive results. The best resource I personally know of for parents to understand and recognize substance abuse and learn how to intervene is through Recovery Happens Counseling Services at www.recoveryhappens.com. They sell excellent drug test kits and breathalyzers at way below drugstore cost and give you video instructions, protocol, and other things to watch for that are essential in order to get an accurate test and not be naive about ways your kid can fly under the radar or outright cheat the test. —Lauren

Comments

  1. By Michael from Pacific Grove, CA, USA on 11/14/2011

    Brie: What is an “MIP?”

  2. By Lauren Forcella from California, USA on 11/14/2011

    Michael,

    MIP stands for “Minor in Possession” (of a controlled substance)—in her case, alcohol.  My demerit for not spelling it out.

    Warm Regards,
    Lauren

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