DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My daughter starts college next week and I’m wondering what real-life advice the panel and you have for her. I am concerned about hookups, binge-drinking and depression, three things I hear are widespread in colleges. She is worried about gaining weight. What is everyone’s best advice? — MaryAnn, Monterey, Calif.
Editor’s Note: I recommend that parents of college students keep the doorways of conversation open by adopting a non-judgmental loving attitude that says “I’m curious! What is your world like?” Learn, especially, how to talk frankly about sexuality and pornography so you can inquire about this part of the college scene, too. It’s embarrassing, so unless you’re actively “curious” about it, you won’t hear a whisper about it. Pornography is mainstream in the college scene and has caused a shift in sexual expression. Having grown up immersed in this new sexual context (whether they watch it or not), many young people feel adrift and empty when it comes to love and sex and don’t even know why. Your perspective can help since you grew up in a different time and can offer options and alternatives to what many think (through no fault of their own), is the status quo. But do it tactfully. ‘Be curious, not furious’ so your adult child keeps talking to you — rather than feeling judged and deciding to avoid intimate conversation.
Use Skype as often as possible to talk to each other via free video on your computers. You can tell a lot about how someone’s doing when you can look in their eyes. Above all, trust your parental intuition. Some kids do fine, others struggle and then get their bearings, and the struggle is good for them, others really do need help. College age is when most suicides occur. Frequent Skyping and a caring attitude do wonders to stayed tuned in. —Lauren
