DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My stepsister and I are both seniors and have applied to colleges. We share a room during visitations and where she has always been interested in a close relationship, her company is something I tolerate rather than enjoy. When she realized my college of choice, it became hers, too. Chances are good that we will both be admitted. What’s worse, she wants to be roommates since, (to use her words), “we’re so close.” Our parents think this is a wonderful idea, but I do NOT want to be roommates and would rather not even attend the same college. How do I say I don’t want her as a roommate without creating a difficult family situation? — Sacramento
Editor’s Note: “Diplomacy,” (from dictionary.com), is an noun defined as: “skill in managing negotiations, handling people, etc., so that there is little or no ill will; tact.” Taking situations like the one described in today’s column and reframing them as lessons in the art of diplomacy will make them feel less like burdens and more like opportunities to become a better communicator — thus getting more of you want out of life while retaining a circle of people who support you. I like Matt’s phrase: “sensitive honesty.” There is rarely a need for “brutal” honesty in this world, it’s just that many people don’t take the time to learn and apply tact. Wouldn’t the world be a better place with more of it?
Comments
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My twin sister and I have a similar issue, but it’s our mom we have the disagreement with, not each other. We’re juniors and are starting to look at what colleges we want to apply to in the fall. We are seriously considering going to different colleges. We are close and love each other very much. However, all our lives everyone has considered us to be “the twins” (Marcie and Darcie, isn’t that cute?) never as individuals. We’re together most of the time, but any time we aren’t together everyone asks what’s wrong and demands an explanation when in fact nothing is wrong and we have just chosen to do something different. When we told our mom that we are considering this, she was totally shocked and is very much against it. She thinks we should go to the same college and be roommates. We’ve been roommates our whole lives, 17 years now and even shared a bed until we were 14 when she finally let us get “twin” beds in our room (LOL). We think it’s time for some separation and trying something different. Our mom points out that we have always gotten along great sharing a room and there’s no guarantee of what will happen if we try to share a room with someone else. She also tells us stories of friends of hers whose kids ended up with “roommates from hell.” Well, were willing to plunge into the unknown and if we get a “roommate from hell” there are ways to deal with it and make a change. She also says that we’ll be sorry and miss each other. We probably will miss each other, but we’ll still talk and text each other on our cell phones and be together and share a room when we come home for weekends and vacations, so it’s not like we’ll never see or speak to each other again. We don’t plan on being old maids and live together for the rest of our lives, so we need to have some separation some day, and we feel that college is the appropriate time, but we’re having a hard time convincing our mom.
Marcie -
I hope my stepsister doesn’t read this, because I don’t want her to get any ideas. She’s very clinging and wants to be with me 100% of the time when she stays with us on visitations. I have to share my room and bed with her and hate it. Unlike what was discussed in other Straight Talk columns, sharing a bed certainly doesn’t make me want to have sex with her. That is the last thing in the world that I would ever want to do! I have to make sure to lock my bathroom door because one time I came out of the shower and was shocked and sickened to find her on the toilet and saw nothing wrong with it since we’re “sisters.” Being tactful doesn’t work with her so if I don’t want her to tag along with me, I have to bluntly tell her so. Sometimes being blunt is the only way to way to handle things and that is what I would do if she wanted to be my college roommate, and it may be the best way for “Sacramento” to handle it.
Nancy
