Straight Talk TNT

Dear Straight Talk: Your columns on cutting touched home. One of my teenage daughters used to cut herself and Bryan answered more questions for me than anyone ever has.

I know my daughter had “issues” but I was always pressing for a definitive reason as to why she was cutting herself, what was wrong, etc. I was scared. I hadn’t seen my other kids try this nor had I noticed it with any of their friends, so it was scary thinking there might be something terribly wrong that she wasn’t telling me.

Her friends are the ones that convinced me there was nothing really wrong with her, so I backed off a little and stopped watching all the time. Things did get better, not immediately mind you, but she did stop.

Thank you Bryan for helping me understand things better. My daughter still has scars and maybe she always will. However, I no longer believe it was a cry for help or a need for attention. I believe her now when she says nothing was wrong, that she just liked doing it.

Regarding the question as to whether there is a “recreational aspect” to cutting, similar to drug use in the 60’s and 70’s, in my daughter’s case, it did seem to be her “rush”.—Mom

Dear Straight Talk: Regarding Bryan’s theory on cutting, and your question as to whether we, as adults, are just not able to relate to this new “thing”, I remember in 1972, my friend’s mother accidentally made soup with our magic mushrooms that were in the fridge. We came home just as she was about to call an ambulance. She was scared to death, thinking she had been fatally poisoned. We realized what happened and walked her through it, explaining how much fun it was. She absolutely couldn’t relate to ANY aspect of how this could be fun.

So, maybe we are just like our parents. I’m 52 now, a father, and I can’t relate to the cutting at all. It gives me the shudders. Until I read Bryan’s letter I always thought it was something only extremely troubled or suicidal kids did.—N.L., Folsom

Dear Mom and N.L.: We’re all getting educated, myself included. Cutting is scary for almost every adult I know. We assume the cutter must be in unthinkable pain to mutilate his or her own flesh.

All teens have issues, it goes with the territory. The only way to know if the issues are “normal teen angst” or something more serious is to press into their world and find out. “Mom”, you did the right thing checking with your daughter’s friends and looking for signs of deeper trouble. If a teen is cutting, it’s time to be very concerned, just as if the teen is using drugs.

Here’s more from Bryan:

From Bryan, 18: Thank you for the opportunity to bring light to this dark struggle. The question seems to be: Is cutting how teens today deal with their “angst”?

I believe it is. I do not believe many teens do it for recreation, but for stress relief. There is a huge feeling of letting go and numbness when one cuts, kind of like when one does drugs. It’s the feeling of being carefree—that’s what it’s all about. When cutting is performed, all your problems go away. So, in a way, I guess one could call this recreation. But, I believe the best way to put it is: Cutting is the easy, cheap, commonly-used teen stress reliever.

I also believe it is a temporary stage. As teens mature, they learn to deal with stress in different, not nearly as harmful ways. Like teens have done for decades, they grow up.