Straight Talk TNT

Know the warning signs, most suicides signaled in advance

Dec 02, 2009

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Your recent column (NOV 25) about the sister who kept saying she felt like killing herself really hit home. Threats of suicide need to be taken seriously, no matter how false or flakey they appear. My sister was extremely moody and would say she felt like killing herself over every little upset. I didn’t take her seriously or tell anyone because she was “the boy who cried wolf”. One day I responded sarcastically, “Great, I’ll finally have my own room.” She looked hurt, but said nothing. The next day she attempted suicide with a combination of sleeping pills and vodka. She’s now getting counseling, which is what she needs, but if I’d told our parents sooner it wouldn’t have come to this. Please print all the warning signs of suicide so others can avert tragedy. — Debbie, Vacaville, Calif.

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Lauren Ask me a question

DEAR DEBBIE: Here they are. I’d like them taught in every high school. Suicide has tripled in the last 40 years. In 2000, for kids ages 12-17, there was a US average of 2700 attempted suicides and 100 deaths by suicide each day. It is the third leading cause of death for adolescents 15-19 and the second leading cause for ages 20-24.

Please pay extra attention to our boys. Adolescent males are 5-7 times more likely to die by suicide than adolescent females. Attempts are fairly equal, but females favor cutting and overdosing which often fail (thus bringing help to the problem), whereas males tend toward guns and hanging and have few second chances.

Suicide is almost always signaled in advance. Four out of five suicides have clear warning signs. Counseling has a proven track record of stabilizing suicidal youth, often within 10 sessions. However, suicidal people often find their problems so unsolvable they don’t seek help. And the people around them fail to recognize the signs, don’t take those signs seriously, or fall prey to the myth that informing someone is like snitching on a friend and might make the person even more suicidal. Always tell a counselor, teacher, or parent.

WARNING SIGNS:

• loss of interest in things formerly enjoyed

• statements about feeling hopeless, helpless, or worthless

• social withdrawal, deepening depression

• talking about or fascination with death and/or suicide

• changes in sleeping, eating

• risky or out-of-character behavior

• having a suicide plan

• unexpectedly contacting friends or relatives

• giving away prized possessions

• setting one’s affairs in order

• having a family member who committed or attempted suicide

WHAT TO DO:

• Ask the question. Another deadly misperception is that talking about suicide will ‘plant the seed’. It won’t. Be gentle, yet direct: “I’m worried about you. I’m seeing you doing A, B, and C (name the warning signs you have noticed). You’re not considering suicide are you?”

After you’ve asked:
• Listen and observe. If facial expressions and voice tone don’t match words, point that out and keep probing.

• If they admit to suicidal feelings, take them seriously. Scoffing at or denying such feelings makes things worse.

• If they then contradict themselves with, “I’m fine, there’s nothing to worry about,” do not wash your hands of it, tell an adult!

• Ask about a suicide plan: “Have you thought about how you would do it?”

• Do not keep the plan secret. Tell a competent adult ASAP.

• If someone is actually attempting suicide, stay with them! You are their lifeline. Immediately call 911 or 1-800-SUICIDE.

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Editor’s Web Note: The holidays are here, along with extra stress. I’m hoping families will take the time to slow down and check in with each other. Too often warning signs of suicide are right in our face and we’re running too fast to see them. All people really want is to be “got”. And to “get” somebody takes time. Here are the warning signs of suicide and what to do when you spot them.

Comments

  1. By Jeff Thomas on 12/10/2009

    Have you lost your mind?  Almost all suicides are “preventable?”  Your intentions may be honorable, but you probably just gave thousands of people that already feel guilty another major dose.  You might have said that they are almost always signaled in advance, if people can read the clues.  But to say that they are preventable is just wrong.  If someone wants to kill themself, eventually they will.  It may be fast with a rope or a gun, or slowly with drugs, booze, cigarettes, and/or a dangerous lifestyle.  People around them can try to help, but in the end each person is responsible for their own actions.

    Jeff Thomas

  2. By Lauren Forcella from Straight Talk for Teens by Teens on 12/10/2009

    Dear Jeff,

    You are so right. Thank you for pointing out the difference. My heart goes out to those who have lost a loved one to suicide and the last thing I want is for those people to feel worse than they already feel.

    I agree that ultimately each person is responsible for his or her own actions—and even when a person knows all the signs of suicide and takes every action that love and education have taught him or her to take, it doesn’t always stop someone from taking their own life. 

    Based on your letter, and knowing that not everyone reads the comments, I am changing the web title of this column from “Know the warning signs, suicide is preventable,” to “Know the warning signs, most suicides signaled in advance.” I am also changing the beginning of the 3rd paragraph which now reads “Suicide is almost always preventable” to “Suicide is almost always signaled in advance.”

    Thank you again.
    Lauren

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