Dear Straight Talk: My husband just informed me that he invited “Chris” to our home for Christmas dinner. Chris is 19 and is a former juvenile runaway who lives and works in town. Last year he spent four weeks in jail for a drug-related crime which my husband almost posted bail for, but decided not to. I’ve met Chris and he smells of cigarettes and tends to expound on the more colorful aspects of his life. I’m upset because we were planning to have a private Christmas with just my mother and our son and daughter, who are 16 and 14, respectively. Not only do I worry that my kids will be negatively influenced, but my mother is adamantly opposed to the idea. I hate to be a scrooge but I don’t want Chris to think we are “family” and will bail him out next time he’s in trouble. Honestly, I just don’t feel safe with him at our house. — Upset for good reason
From Ellie, 16: You’re not accepting Chris as “family,” you’re having him over for Christmas dinner! I can see how you don’t want your kids influenced, but this is an opportunity for them (and you) to get to know Chris as a real person. Kids label other kids, especially if their parents have sheltered them, and they see things like cigarettes, drugs, and running away as horrible and assume the person doing them is horrible, too. In our society, people have a problem with people who have problems, but if we were more accepting, nobody’s problems would ever get that bad.
From Greg, 15: Personally, I think it would be weird having a random guy over for Christmas dinner. I would rather my dad take him to a restaurant on a different night.
From Betsy, 19: Part of me says, “Take a chance, it’s Christmas!” but I also agree that it’s a risk. This should have been discussed beforehand, not pushed on you. If your instinct is to say ‘no’, your husband should respect that.
From Amy, 20: Maybe you and your husband could compromise and take the young gentleman out for dinner on Christmas Eve or later on Christmas night. That way you are still being kind to Chris but are not exposing your household to him. I’m sure he would appreciate any kindness.
From Sawyer, 16: If a person needs a hand and everyone refuses him, how can he elevate himself? It’s not complicated thinking! Trust your husband’s judgment. He sees something good in Chris or he wouldn’t want to help him. As for Grandma, it’s not her home so she shouldn’t be pushing for anything. Two things need to happen: your husband needs to make sure Chris agrees to proper conduct, and you and Grandma need to treat Chris like a human being and not be cold to him. This could be a very positive experience to show your kids how life works.
Dear Upset: I recall hearing about a young man near Chris’ age who was accompanied by a pregnant young woman. They were runaways. They had no money, it was winter, it was cold. They knocked on doors asking for food and shelter and no one helped them. I applaud your husband for reaching out to this young man (whom you’ve so interestingly renamed “Chris”). I feel that your fears are irrational. Chris is not a homeless person knocking randomly on your door. He is obviously recovering from a traumatic childhood, but he lives and works in your community — and your husband knows him and has invited him! (Yes, your husband should have consulted you first, but it is obvious why he didn’t.) The teen panel is split on this, but I hope you find yourself honored to have Chris at your table and will treat him like a king.
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