Dear Straight Talk: Here’s a dilemma for you and your teen staff. My daughter is 14 and she thinks she is fat. It’s true, she has a fat tummy, but she’s not fat anywhere else. She complains about it constantly and I say things like, “Honey, you look fine,” or “Maybe you need to eat more vegetables.” But we both know that neither statement is true: she has a great diet yet there is cellulite on her stomach.
I know that feeling “too fat” is an obsession right now and I had the same feeling when I was young. What I want to know is this: How do I keep my daughter’s self image high while helping her lose weight. I don’t want her to develop an unrealistic image of herself as an anorexic model, but it seems stupid to ignore that she is fat and not help her with it. I wish someone had helped me because the fat I had as a teenager is now out of control. How do I help her without causing her to have low self-esteem or develop an eating disorder?—Fat in Folsom
Dear Fat: We are so hung up on “self-esteem” we’re afraid to call the kettle black. It’s fashionable right now to pooh-pooh our kids’ fat so they’ll feel “good” about themselves. It’s better than shaming kids for being fat, but the fact is, excess fat is unhealthy, kids hate being fat, and the “feel good” approach sets up a false self-esteem which they hate, too.
So, be real about it. “Honey, you look fine,” is not the truth and hearing it will not boost her self-esteem. Address your daughter’s complaints with an action plan. Ideally, you’ll take the opportunity to lose 30 pounds yourself. Nothing inspires a child more than her own parent’s striving.
A fit body means making the body work and sweat. Diet is secondary. No pill, diet fad, or tummy tuck will EVER make you fit—do I need to say that? (Yes, I do; you know the size of this industry.)
Watch the “mind food,” too: Girls who frequent magazine articles about dieting more often practice fasting, vomiting, and smoking to lose weight than those who don’t—this just in from University of Minnesota. Whether the articles themselves or the accompanying photos of thin models stimulate this behavior is unclear. And the American Academy of Pediatrics just came out saying that the 40,000 ads per year that kids see on TV influence them to demand poor food and to think anorexia is fashionable. Like we didn’t already know…
Here’s more for you:
From Johannes, 20: Exercise, exercise, exercise. Work out, work out, work out. No matter your diet, healthy or unhealthy, the pounds get shaved off by working out. I stay motivated by the men’s soccer team at college, but I also want to look good for my girlfriend. It’s important to have a work-out buddy who will force you to go to the gym when you don’t want to.
From Katie, 13: Be active. Pick a sport and stick with it. Do sports camps to stay active over the summer. Best is to do all this with a friend. One of my best friends is helping me stay active and avoid junk food.
From Kendal, 19: Having a great diet is wonderful, but an active lifestyle is essential. I suggest joining a gym and exercising as a mother-daughter team. Having a buddy makes it more fun. It’s hard to not want “instant gratification” but it takes time to lose weight. It takes even longer to make exercising a habit, so don’t stop when the goal is reached. If you can’t get to a gym, try some fun exercise tapes. Tae Bo or Yoga Boogie Ballet will teach you the correct way to move so you don’t hurt yourself. Exercise releases endorphins, so not only is it healthy for your body, it’s great for the mind.
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