Dear Straight Talk: I’m considering getting a divorce from my wife because I have finally found true love. You said something about divorce not being such a bad thing for the children as long as both parents remain involved in their lives. Can you talk more about that?—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: What I said is that a “missing parent” is the number one toxic ingredient that almost every at-risk teen has in common. By “missing” I mean any literal form of absence such as whereabouts unknown, lack of contact, incarceration, or death, as well as absence due to drugs, alcohol, disability, or emotional unavailability. If neither parent is MIA, that’s wonderful, but you need to know that divorce is the second most common toxic thing a kid is asked to digest.
Some couples are obviously so ill-matched that you have to question the wisdom of “staying together for the children”. However, if your marriage is simply lifeless, you need to look at your role in that. Love is partly found and partly created. And lasting love is almost wholly created—and re-created—each day. You owe it to yourself, your wife, and especially your children, to see a marriage counselor who is pro-family.
——-
