DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: A friend almost got raped. We were at a club and she can be really insecure about guys so she was flirting to the max wearing four-inch heels, short shorts, cleavage and tons of makeup. She went out to the parking lot with this guy and he apparently got rough with her. She returned really shook up and crying and we all went home. I think she was dumb to dress like that — even without going to parking lot. But other girls think you should be able to wear whatever you want. What do you say? — Steffi, Toledo, Ohio
Editor’s Note: Rape culture is kept alive by the high percentages of surveyed men (and women) who believe forced sex is justified in certain situations. Examples of those situations: if a woman “leads” a man on; if she first says yes, then changes her mind; if she goes to the man’s house; if the man has spent a lot of money on her; if he is so “turned on” he can’t stop. Because of our collective mindset, most men who commit legally-defined rape don’t even think it was rape.
Pretty sick stuff.
According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, one out of every six American women and one out of every 33 American men have been the victim of rape or attempted rape in her or his lifetime. These victims are 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and four times more likely to commit suicide. If you know a victim and are in a position to help, see to it that they get professional counseling. As with any trauma, the sooner the better.
It’s our own thoughts that keep rape alive. I hope my readers will take some time to look inside and adjust their moral compasses to make sex a more joyous, sacred act and the world a kinder, freer place. —Lauren
Comments
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I don’t believe that anyone asks for or deserves to be raped. However, girls who dress like this are taking a big risk. I have a friend who was attacked and came close to being raped when she was dressed this way because she wanted to be “sexy.” My little sister has also started doing it and I really worry about her. When I see her putting on these kind of clothes in our room and putting on makeup that makes her look like a whore, I try to warn her about what happened to my friend but she won’t listen. She thinks it will attract guys, but I try to tell her that any guy who needs to be attracted this way is not the kind of guy you want to attract, but she won’t listen. Even though we have lots of conflicts and don’t like having to share a small room, I love her and don’t want anything to happen to her and hope that she doesn’t learn her lesson the hard way.
Susie
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It worries me that not one of your panelists, female or male commented on the fact that the girl relating this story allowed her friend to leave the club by herself. My friends and I have always had a pact that no one leaves alone, we make sure we all make it to our cars. It is a good safety rule for women out together; stay with your friends. This group of young women need to look out for each other.
