Dear Straight Talk: I’m 14 and my parents are divorcing. I’ve seen their divorce coming for many years and have been terrified that when it finally happens I’ll be asked to choose which parent I wanted to live with. I hear about this a lot; that I will have to go to court or something and say where I want to live. I know a lot of kids want this choice, but I don’t want to hurt my parents’ feelings by choosing. I’m so torn up over it I feel like running away.—Coming apart
Dear Coming apart: Custody issues are, by-in-large, the biggest stress a child faces around divorce. In an ideal world, the divorcing parents agree upon a custody plan in the best interests of their offspring. Unfortunately, divorce can turn parents into juveniles, requiring the juveniles to act like adults, which, though painful, is necessary to ensure they are heard above the din.
Before divorce proceedings go any farther, tell both your parents that you want them to make the decision about your living arrangement. If you put this request in a hand-written, signed and dated letter, addressed to your parents, they could present it to the child custody mediator and that might protect you from having to appear before the mediator yourself. It’s possible that you will still be asked to appear. If that happens, just say the same thing: that you want the adults involved (meaning your parents and the mediator) to come up with a plan that is in your best interest; that you do not want the responsibility of making the decision because you love both parents equally.
Once you make your wishes clear to your parents, if you still feel torn up inside, please visit the school counselor.
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