http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/ en straighttalkTNT@gmail.com Copyright 2012 2012-02-22T18:28:47+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/is-tattoo-popularity-fading http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/is-tattoo-popularity-fading#When:18:28:47Z Editor's Note: Maybe someone can enlighten me about tattoos. I grew up before the tattoo trend (other than for sailors and inmates) and don’t honestly understand the appeal or the personal process behind expressing something on one’s body for life, in many cases for all to see. I love art and am an artist myself (www.laurenforcella.com), so it’s not that I don’t understand personal expression. But displaying that expression on my body for the rest of my life is another thing. And the tattoo isn’t even one’s own art in most cases, but someone else’s that they have picked out. (Can you tell how little I understand tattooing from those statements?!) I sincerely would appreciate understanding the impulse to tattoo, whether it is a small hidden tattoo, or tattoos that cover large patches of real estate open to the public. If you care to write in and tell me about your process, I would be most interested. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My friend and I are having an argument. He is 22 and never got a tattoo. Suddenly, he wants one. I say he’s lucky he never got one because they are going out of style. He doesn’t agree that they are going out of style. Who is correct? — Chris, Sacramento Tattoos, 2012-02-22T18:28:47+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/15-year-old-girl-wants-to-spend-break-with-boyfriend http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/15-year-old-girl-wants-to-spend-break-with-boyfriend#When:18:35:49Z Editor's Note: Teens, your parents are only human. They have their good days and their bad days. It is nice to help them be good parents by not overdoing your drama, being manipulative, or whittling them down. Most parents want to do the right thing, and many are under tremendous stress working, paying bills, cooking, shopping, managing a household and family, perhaps while caring for your grandparent, their own broken heart, or personal health issues. This generation of parents is not the best at saying no. They became parents at a time when there were few guideposts on how to set healthy boundaries and there was a lot of peer pressure to overindulge you when you were young. I tell them to get a spine when dealing with you. And I'm asking you to lighten up and be a little less self-centered when dealing with them. And I ask both of you, to practice kindness and fairness with each other. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am in a long-distance relationship and see my boyfriend every couple weeks if I’m lucky. February break is coming up and I want to stay at his house. We’re both 15 with crazy hormones, but I still want to visit him, even if it means staying in a hotel or his sister’s room. His dad is okay with it, but my parents will probably say no. I have been sexually active and my parents know that. I let them know everything and never lie to them. I will understand if they say no, but what I can say to give me the best shot? —Linda, Honors Student Family Life - In General, Relationships - In General, Sex - In General, 2012-02-15T18:35:49+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/young-husbands-cheating-agony-for-wife-and-child http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/young-husbands-cheating-agony-for-wife-and-child#When:19:46:25Z Editor's Note: Recipe for happiness for emerging adults: Fall in love, marry if you must, but don't get pregnant until you and your significant other are both at least 25. Why 25? This is when the adult brain kicks in. More than half the relationships that start before that age, fall away. People grow up. Their adult personality and lifestyle paths emerge — and very often they don't match anymore. America's 50 percent divorce rate would be cut in half if nobody under 25 got married. Divorce is mostly horrible because of the emotional toll on the children. So fall in love (falling in love is good). Marry if you really want to (committed relationships are great). Just wait to have kids! That way, when age 25 hits and you break up, nobody is permanently affected. (Picture Marie, above, if there was no child involved. It'd be tough, but not that tough.) For women under 25 who like this advice, consider the IUD to prevent pregnancy. The problem with the Pill is that nature makes women sexually attracted to genetically-compatible partners through smell (generally unconsciously). However, DNA studies show that using the Pill causes women to be attracted to the smell of men with less-superior genetic compatibility. (This is because the Pill simulates pregnancy, and when women are pregnant they tend to "sniff out" genetic profiles closer to their own.) This results in two problems. One, if offspring are produced, they are morel likely from this less-superior genetic pairing. Two, when women go off the Pill and are back in their natural state, they are attracted to the smell of men with better genetic compatibility. They may not act on these attractions, but there may be low sexual interest in their existing partner. Sound familiar? Either way spells trouble for the marriage. (Thank you Big Pharma.) You can read about this very important study in "The Scent of Desire" by Rachel Herz. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m 21. My husband is 19. He has cheated on me several times, once since we've been married, and I’m scared he is doing it again. It’s always with the same girl, an ex-girlfriend who lives out of town. When we found out I was pregnant he messaged her on Facebook saying he missed her and hoped our baby (now seven months old) wasn't his. Two months ago, I saw on his Facebook that he is messaging her again. I am so upset. He says he's not cheating anymore but how do I know that? I'm a stay-at-home mom and he works out of town a lot. How do I tell if he’s cheating and what should I do if he is? — Marie, South Carolina 2012-02-08T19:46:25+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/son-wont-go-to-sleep-before-midnight http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/son-wont-go-to-sleep-before-midnight#When:21:08:26Z Editor's Note: I think we need to put sleep on the endangered "species" list. Here is the amount of sleep needed by age, according to the National Sleep Foundation: newborns 12-18 hours, infants 14-15 hours; toddlers 12-14 hours; preschoolers 11-13 hours; kids (age 5-10) 10-11 hours; teens (age 10-18) 8.5-9.5 hours; adults 7-9 hours. How many parents enforce(d) this? Very few that I know of. I was one of those back-to-nature mothers who put my grade-school kids to bed at 7 p.m., while their peers were going to bed at 9 or 10. (Like Gregg and Nicole, my kids have enviable sleep health today and thank me now from college.) Studies show that teenagers, on school nights, average only 7.4 hours of sleep — almost a two-hour deficit. Insufficient sleep inhibits hormones critical to growth and sexual maturation, plays a significant role in poor attention spans, reduced executive brain function, weakened immune systems, diabetes, depression and panic disorder. It is even being associated with Alzheimer's. The circadian rhythms of teens really are hard-wired for staying up later and waking up later (it's not entirely their fault!). But very few high schools start at 9 a.m. The vast majority have unhealthy 7:30-7:45 start times — earlier than most adults are expected at work. This doesn't help things. Not counting unrealistic school start times and lack of early-childhood conditioning toward sleep, there are other challenges around sleep today. The blue light from TVs, computers, cell phones, and all electronic devices (including those annoying blue display buttons), is known to inhibit melatonin. Some research shows that even exposure to wireless signals when your phone isn't in use can interfere with sleep. With teens falling asleep clutching their cell phones, we have a problem Houston! For health's sake, parents need to become like teachers and confiscate all electronics at the bedroom door (another great reason to keep this stuff out of their bedrooms in the first place). —Lauren Readers: Straight Talk is a non-profit organization. If every reader sends us $5 we can make our 2012 operating budget. Your involvement is needed! Please make your tax-deductible donation today. —With love and thanks, Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I have an ordinary question compared to the topics you cover. How do you get a teenager (age 16) to go to sleep before midnight — so that he wakes up in the morning acting like a human being? (I’m afraid I can’t stay up late enough to monitor him once he heads to his bedroom.) He averages six hours of sleep a night and I’m quite sure he relies on coffee to stay awake during morning classes. Other than this he is a good and socially-involved kid. But I know he needs more than six hours of sleep! How do I make him get it? — Diane, Redding, Calif. Health - In General, Sleep, Media - In General, Cell Phones (see also Driving), 2012-02-01T21:08:26+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/sons-internet-romance-worries-dad http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/sons-internet-romance-worries-dad#When:16:37:13Z Dear Readers: Straight Talk is a non-profit organization. If every reader sends us $5 we can make our 2012 operating budget. We need you!! Please make your tax-deductible donation today by pressing the donation button at the top of this page. —Love and thanks, Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My oldest, age 15, is in a long-term, long-distance relationship with "the one." He is constantly asking to visit her. I have concerns about the level of supervision there (every interaction has involved questionable decisions by her family, including bringing them to a hotel room under supervision). I believe they are hurting each other more than helping. Because of the distance, I don't think he is learning essential communication skills with the opposite sex. Am I over-reacting? How can I convince him that I just might know what I'm talking about? — Kevin Family Life - In General, Internet & Social Networking, Love, 2012-01-25T16:37:13+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/on-the-first-day-of-christmas-my-true-love-stole-for-me http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/on-the-first-day-of-christmas-my-true-love-stole-for-me#When:18:57:31Z Editor's Note: Some shoplift for need, others for greed, most enjoy the "rush" that shoplifting brings, and most are depressed. And for all shoplifters, the habit reflects internal shame and low self-esteem. Not all realize this until they are caught — which is often described as the most humiliating thing to ever go through. Deep down, stealing feels lousy. The National Association for Shoplifting Prevention (the website recommended above by Katelyn), estimates that 1 in 11 Americans shoplifts. Seventy-five percent of shoplifters are over 18. The holiday shopping craze is when most shoplifting occurs. In the four weeks before Christmas, the Global Retail Theft Barometer reported that sticky fingers accounted for $1.8 billion in stolen U.S. merchandise.  The best prevention is intervention during an early childhood theft, such as Taylor described above. Guilt and embarrassment, used correctly, are great teachers. For others, not so lucky, in order to kick the habit, you need to re-learn how to get a "rush" from normal activities (going to lunch, getting a haircut, meeting someone for coffee), rather than through the thrill of stealing. Professional help is often needed, and worth it! —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am writing about my friend. She has a problem with shoplifting, maybe even an addiction. I would like to help her stop before she gets caught because she is over 18 and it will result in a criminal record. I have known her for years. When we were younger, I shoplifted makeup a couple times with her, but it scares me too much and doesn’t feel right to steal. She is a good person except for this. Over the holidays she stole so much stuff it almost made me sick. Does anyone on the panel have shoplifting experience and if so, how did they stop? Maybe it will help her. — Sammie, Toledo, Ohio Holiday Issues - In General, Jail, Juvenile Hall, Prison, Depression & Mental Health, 2012-01-18T18:57:31+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mom-asks-are-my-curfew-and-dating-rules-too-strict http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mom-asks-are-my-curfew-and-dating-rules-too-strict#When:19:50:32Z Editor's Note: The trouble with allowing older teens to have significant others in non-remote bedrooms, even with the door open (the only safe way to allow it), is that they might never be seen again. With most bedrooms today furnished like virtual entertainment clubs, there is little motivation to emerge and interact with the "less interesting" human beings in the other parts of the household. This is one of several reasons why I constantly rail that computers, TV, stereos, etc., should be kept in the family rooms of the house. If you have an "open bedroom door" rule, it is to everyone's benefit to require the significant other to be hosted part of the time outside the bedroom, too. After all, you want to know who this person is, don't you? —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My 17-year-old daughter has a serious almost-18-year-old boyfriend. She says I’m too restrictive. I feel a midnight curfew is reasonable and that she may not go to his home since I don’t know if an adult will be there. Plus, her boyfriend has mentioned his older brother and friend drinking there. At our home, a parent needs to be there and they can’t be in her room. Am I out of touch? I want a good relationship with them, but I feel that parenting is my top duty until she is 18. What would the panelists say? Thank you for this relevant column. — Redding, Calif. Family Life - In General, Dating, 2012-01-11T19:50:32+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/making-a-better-world-part-ii http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/making-a-better-world-part-ii#When:18:01:17Z Editor's Note: Each week it is joyful and sometimes heart wrenching to facilitate the panelists helping other young people, their parents, and families. Straight Talk has over 85 volunteer panelists (and counting) between the ages of 14 and 25 from 11 states. In our country there are 40 million teens and young adults, many with issues they don’t talk to their parents about. As youth and family services are stripped, it becomes harder to get help. Our column works on the principle of peer-to-peer helping and every week we provide someone an answer, inspire someone to make a better choice, and contribute to someone’s increased social and emotional intelligence. Straight Talk TNT is now a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization (status pending, which means we can begin receiving donations). If every Straight Talk reader will take a moment to send us $5 we will meet our 2012 budgetary goals. Please consider this small tax-deductible gift today. Together we can help many. You may donate here on our website or send a check to Straight Talk TNT, PO Box 963, Fair Oaks, CA 95628. Thank you in advance and Happy New Year! —Love, Lauren DEAR READERS: Each New Year I ask the panelists: What bugs you most about the world? How would you make the world better? Last week's “better world” column covered concerns about how digital networking has diminished face-to-face interactions, depth of thought, real relationships, even real bodies. This week we present comments on root causes of peace, healing the financial crisis and revamping our schools. Blessings on the light within that makes us good and true. —Lauren Conflict - In General, Optimum World, Politics - In General, Work, College, 2012-01-04T18:01:17+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/young-people-lament-downside-of-digital-age http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/young-people-lament-downside-of-digital-age#When:20:00:34Z Editor's Note: Who would have thought the world would change on a dime? The digital age, bringing us social networking and private access to pornography, has made the pastimes of most Americans today unfathomable just ten years ago. While many people are immersed in total oblivion, the comments in today's column indicate dissatisfaction with the sticky web that has been woven. I always appeal to parents to help their young find freedom from technology. Nobody under 14 needs a smart phone, tablet, computer, or a diet of TV, video games and movies. Computer literacy and popular culture can be learned with ease starting in high school, thus giving the child a real chance at childhood — not to mention a point of reference that can save an adult when their own childhood innocence is sought. The gifts of being in nature, of writing by hand, of time spent in boredom, imaginary play, or uninterrupted thought are priceless. The window of opportunity for these things is the early years. For families who don't (or didn't) follow this philosophy, children and teens still need and want strict limits on screen time. They'll be happier and healthier for it. Please be the authority figure on this, even if they're not asking for it, or if they complain. —Lauren DEAR READERS: What bugs you most about the world? How would you make the world better? Every winter, I pose these questions to the panel. This year, technology took a bruising. Real relationships, thinking deeply, embracing boredom, and lamenting the demise of "face-to-face" interactions were top concerns for so many panelists that I devoted all of today's column to this theme. Parents: as much as young people appear to love their texts, posts, tweets, games, movies and pornography (though I doubt you hear much about the latter), they also feel caught in its web and need help managing the medium — whether they say so or not. To a healthier New Year! —Lauren  Family Life - In General, Media - In General, Cell Phones (see also Driving), Internet & Social Networking, Pornography (see also Sex), Optimum World, Pornography , 2011-12-28T20:00:34+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/best-party-favor-stay-sober-keep-each-other-safe http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/best-party-favor-stay-sober-keep-each-other-safe#When:17:28:50Z Editor's Note: I have it on solid teenage authority that kids drink and use drugs for two reasons: One, they are depressed about some aspect of their life. Two, they need help loosening up around the opposite sex. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone looked their problems in the eye and asked for help instead of drowning them with intoxicants? And wouldn't it be nice if people faced the awkwardness of socializing and romance without chemical assistance? What if people learned to laugh, dance, ask for help, be silly, or in love without drugs or alcohol? We did as children. Then what happened? New Year's resolution idea: Reject the notion that growing up means you have to use drugs and alcohol to be yourself or have a good time. Remember how you felt as a child? Retrain yourself to bring that freedom from drugs into adulthood. Senior project idea (for party-goers): Attend a series of parties clean and sober and write about the experience. Happy Holidays dear friends and readers. Take care of yourselves and others. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I attend high school parties but don't usually drink or use drugs. Recently a girl chugged vodka. Everyone except me was drinking so nobody thought much of it. After ten minutes, her limbs went limp and she couldn't walk, yet she was still conscious, saying to leave her alone so she could sleep. I put her on her side so she wouldn't suffocate on her own vomit and watched over her. I was the only one paying attention! The next day she didn't remember anything. I get scared at parties when people chug and go limp. I don't know whether I should take them to ER or not. It's not the first time this has happened. What should I do? — Sober DD 2011-12-21T17:28:50+00:00