http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/ en straighttalkTNT@gmail.com Copyright 2012 2012-05-16T17:28:39+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/girl-rides-with-friend-who-texts-and-drives http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/girl-rides-with-friend-who-texts-and-drives#When:17:28:39Z Editor's Note: The average text, either to read or send, takes your eyes off the road for 4.6 seconds. At 55 mph, that's like driving the length of an entire football field, blindfolded. Who needs bungee jumping for thrills? What's worse, you have increased 23 fold, the odds not just of harming or killing yourself, but of taking innocent bystanders down with you. Texting behind the wheel is more than dangerous, it's also narcissistic It's not just teens and young drivers who text and drive. Many learned at their parent's knee. For those parents, let's add irresponsible to the list of adjectives. Too bad our kids didn't get the benefit of 30 years of undistracted driving practice before getting their first smart phone. Sixteen percent of distracted-driver crashes involve newbie drivers under age 20. Hands-free laws ARE helping. A University of California Berkeley study showed a 47 percent drop in deaths involving hand-held phones. In the two years before the 2008 California law, 100 drivers died while using a hand-held phone. Two years later, the death toll dropped to 53. Most disturbing are studies showing that simply speaking on a hands-free phone zaps 39 percent of the brainpower that "keeps it between the ditches." Even without a manual or visual distraction, the simple cognitive distraction of having a phone conversation gives you the reaction speed of a drunk driver. Speaking of "under the influence," if you kill someone in a wreck while illegally using your cell phone, you are probably heading to prison. Need more reasons to kick the habit? Let's work together. Drivers: stay off your phone, or pull over. Passengers: call drivers out who can't seem to help themselves. —Lauren Dear Straight Talk: A friend won’t stop texting when she drives and it makes me nervous. She is the only friend I have with a car and I can't get around without her. How can I get her to stop without alienating her? - "Rose," Vacaville, Calif. Cell Phones (see also Driving), Cell Phones, 2012-05-16T17:28:39+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/boy-worries-about-end-of-the-world http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/boy-worries-about-end-of-the-world#When:17:03:40Z Editor's Note: Working with this panel is an honor. These letters to Justin are hopeful, wise and inspiring. When I was around Justin's age, two superpowers (the US and USSR) were on hair-trigger alert with an arsenal of nuclear missiles pointed at each and the leaders didn't even have the technology to make a phone call to each other. Rivers in America were catching on fire they were so polluted and Lake Erie, one of the largest fresh-water lakes in the world, was considered "dead." It was this "brink" that inspired the modern peace movement and the first Earth Day in 1970. There are many historic examples of everyday humans directing evolutionary change. Blessings to the new "brink" and the new generation! —Lauren Dear Straight Talk: I'm afraid for the end of the world. How do others cope with the mistreatment of our planet? We have rising oceans, nuclear plant meltdowns, species extinction, food-chain disruptions, economic collapse, nuclear weapons and terrorism — not to mention the Mayan and Biblical prophecies about the end of the world. Other kids worry about this stuff, too, but they just drink, go on Facebook, or to the mall. How can I be happy knowing how close we are to the brink? How should I live my life? Please help. — Justin, 17, Los Angeles Optimum World, Politics - In General, Religion & Spirituality, Depression & Mental Health, 2012-05-09T17:03:40+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/parents-clueless-about-brothers-gaming-addiction http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/parents-clueless-about-brothers-gaming-addiction#When:19:00:56Z Editor's Note: Boys (and the few "gamer girls") who have "grown out" of gaming, if honest, look back as Gregg does and admit it was a big waste of their youth. Yet very few parents are protecting their kids by disallowing or restricting the activity in the first place. Sure their kids will play video games elsewhere, but parents have some control over this, too, and more importantly they will have taken a stand in their own home, which has huge influence in terms of parental expectations and conditioning. Everyone agrees that youth are our most important resource. And every statistic out there shows our boys in big trouble. But 90 percent of our boys play video games an average of 13 hours per week — in their own homes! Over 50 percent are allowed to play in their bedrooms! The same brain centers that light up when alcohol and drug addicts crave their next fix are activated in intense gamers. Is this the part of the brain we want our kids learning to flex? Regular gamers spend 30 percent less time reading and 34 percent less time doing homework than their non-gaming peers — not to mention lost time in athletic and social development. The video game industry is larger than the motion picture industry and three times larger than the NFL and NASCAR combined. Still, each home has the authority to decide what enters. Each home can be a place for kids to grow up mentally, physically, emotionally and socially strong. It's a parent's choice. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT is a non-profit organization. Your $5-10 per month donation will help sustain us! Please donate today! Dear Straight Talk: I'm 17, writing about my brother, 16. I believe my parents are allowing him to socially retard himself with video games. If he gets good grades and does his chores, they feel he can spend his time how he likes. How can they be this clueless? He has no social life whatsoever because his attention is glued to these pretend worlds! So many boys waste their lives like this and have no idea how to interact with real people. Hopefully my parents will read this. — Fed up in Toledo, Ohio Gaming, 2012-05-02T19:00:56+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mother-turns-to-panel-for-help-with-sibling-rivalry http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mother-turns-to-panel-for-help-with-sibling-rivalry#When:17:28:06Z Editor's Note: My two brothers and I, extremely close as adults, fought like cats and dogs growing up — much to the disgust of my mother. She would just walk out of the room. My own kids had their physical phases on their way to a deep loyal love also. I was grateful for the personal work I had done to not let their fighting rattle me and to be able to discern how and when to intervene. (Personal work is never finished, by the way, and I still work every day on cleaning up my own act. One of the funniest Mother's Day card I ever saw was a picture of three siblings standing in row, stair steps, each pointing at the other. The caption said, "Sorry Mom, I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to hurt them!" —Lauren Straight Talk TNT is a 501c3 non-profit. Your $5-10 per month donation will help sustain us! Please donate today. DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Help! My first daughter,10, from a previous relationship and four-year-old daughter from my current marriage, fight constantly. This leads to mini arguments with my husband. Why do they fight so much? How can I help them get along? Perhaps your panelists can look back. — Mom in Orange County, Calif. Sibling Issues, Fighting & Violence, 2012-04-25T17:28:06+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/my-daughter-is-afraid-to-learn-how-to-drive http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/my-daughter-is-afraid-to-learn-how-to-drive#When:17:44:57Z Editor's Note: If you think Ben is afraid, auto makers are needing anti-anxiety meds. In California the number of 16-year-olds getting their license plummeted from 27 percent in 1986 to only 14 percent in 2007. The amount of 20-to-24-year-olds getting a driver’s license has also dropped. You might guess that fewer cars are being bought and you are correct. According to CNW research, adults 21-34 years old are buying only 27 percent of new vehicles sold in America, a dramatic scaling back from the peak of 38 percent in 1985. The craze of adolescence is no longer about owning a car, it’s about owning the newest iPhone. A preference for gadgets, concern for the environment, serious economic hardship, and a hovered-over generation that made putting a 16-year-old behind the wheel unthinkable to many parents, are bringing us a less car-crazy world. For that, I’m thankful. Nonetheless, whether you own a car or not, knowing how to drive is an important skill that, down the road, could save a life, a marriage, a job. It is important to note that crash rates have dropped for 16-year-olds and have risen for 18-year-olds due to the amount of do-it-yourself training that anyone over 18 is allowed to use. If Detroit was smart, they would help fund driver’s training for anyone age 16-25. One reason so many wait to get licensed, and then maybe give up on it entirely (or get on the road with inadequate training), is the high cost of such training. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT is a 501c3 non-profit. Your $5-10 per month donation will help sustain us! To contact us or donate, visit www.straighttakTNT.com or write PO Box 963 Fair Oaks, CA 95628. DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My daughter is 19 and still doesn’t drive. She didn’t take driver’s training in high school, and now she says she is afraid. I’m afraid too. Outside of college it inhibits her ability to get a job or even socialize. Could you please give me some perspective? How have others overcome their fear of driving? — Ben, Monterey, Calif. Driving - In General, 2012-04-18T17:44:57+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/whats-expected-when-boy-pays-for-prom-date http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/whats-expected-when-boy-pays-for-prom-date#When:18:16:59Z Editor's Note: Anyone who has grown up with lack, whether of things, or love, tends to feel overly obliged or manipulative when someone treats them to something. And anyone who has grown up with a drug or alcohol-dependent parent, is often unconsciously dependent upon that parent's approval, creating an unhealthy bond called co-dependency. Between co-dependency and poverty mentality, (elements of low self-esteem), women let themselves be used for the price of an expensive date and the hope of love. Men are equally vulnerable in their own way; they get strung along and build walls around their hearts. This unhealthy system between men and women has been going on probably since the Agricultural Revolution (when the concept of ownership began) — a very long time. Add alcohol or drugs (which are rampant at proms and after-proms), and lots of unintended outcomes take place. No wonder Brene is feeling nervous. To men and women, young and old, who involve themselves in this unhealthy exchange, professional therapy or group work, such as the Landmark Forum, can help you immensely in finding your value. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: A guy from school asked me to prom and I accepted. He’s cute and nice and will make a great prom date, but I have no interest in being his girlfriend. I'm nervous because isn’t it implied that you need to give a guy ay least a small sexual favor for a date this expensive? Also, how much do I need to dance with him? Can I dance with other guys? — Brene, Woodland, Calif. Dating, 2012-04-11T18:16:59+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mom-worries-about-shy-daughter-in-large-high-school http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mom-worries-about-shy-daughter-in-large-high-school#When:18:28:28Z Editor's Note: It is an honor to work with the panelists. They are an amazing group of individuals who come forth voluntarily to help others. I call them my "ordinary, extraordinary" kids — and every young person in the world is this way. So ordinary on the outside, but, if they let you into their world, how stunningly extraordinary each one is! Just so you know that I'm not working with a "sheltered elite," of the panelists who responded to today's question, one was practically living on her own in high school due to a split family, another's mother died right before high school started, a third manages a complex mixed family, a fourth pulled his self-esteem up from his own bootstraps, and on it goes. Ordinary, extraordinary. Each individual on his or her own soul path. The more we, as adults, teachers, parents, and parent-figures can look in with love and curiosity, providing a safe emotional space for our young people to show us who they are, the better they can see themselves and the better decisions they will make. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My daughter has attended the same small school from kindergarten through eighth grade. She is friendly but not particularly outgoing. She tends to have one or two close friends (and is very caring toward them), but she is not in the “popular crowd” and doesn't try to be. Some classmates have started dating but she and her friends are not among that group. This fall she will enter a much larger high school. What advice do you have for her on how to make friends and adjust? — Mom in Santa Rosa, Calif. School - In General, Dating, Friendship, 2012-04-04T18:28:28+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/divorced-father-threatens-daughters-wedding http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/divorced-father-threatens-daughters-wedding#When:20:56:57Z Editor's Note: Having lived through it myself, I have tremendous empathy for children of parents who have been distant due to post-divorce bitterness. The child feels guilty for the lack of closeness and then, when that parent steps up once the child hits adulthood, that child is vulnerable to emotional manipulation. It can be extreme, as the letter from "Sad Bride-To-Be" indicates. I fell for a similar scenario, to my life-long regret. My dad stepped up during my wedding plans and guilt about our distance and fear of losing him again led me to play along with his refusal to be anywhere near my mother. I went forward with the unthinkable and asked my mother to bow out. It even seemed reasonable. (Fortunately, my mother kept loving me — to her lasting credit.) I and my siblings learned the hard way. It was the last holiday that we were kowtowed by our father's wounds. From then on, we invited them both to everything and let the cards fall where they may. And guess what? He kept attending things! He wasn't happy, but he didn't want to miss out. (What we couldn't see earlier was how much of his rhetoric was bluster and power play.) And guess what else? Etiquette was on our side. Good manners never obligate a host to share the guest list with those challenged individuals who might demand access to it. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am 22 and getting married next month. We are planning something special in the backyard of a friend's house with our families and friends. My father has written a check to cover most of the food. The problem is my parents are divorced and my father cannot stand being around my mother. He says if my mother is coming to the wedding, he will not attend. For years my father and I weren't close and now he is stepping forward with this contribution. I don't know what to do! My mother and I are close. She would understand if I asked her to bow out. But should I? —Sad Bride-To-Be, Palmdale, Calif. Divorce, Marriage, 2012-03-28T20:56:57+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/what-if-high-school-started-an-hour-later http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/what-if-high-school-started-an-hour-later#When:18:09:10Z Editor's Note: In the high schools who are syncing their clocks with human biology and rolling their start times back to 8:30 or 9:00, the results are positive across the board. Teachers say it is like night and day. Students are averaging five or more extra hours of sleep per school week — and what a difference that extra hour per night makes. I wager that once there is long-term data on suicides in these districts, a reduction will be observed. Another plus with letting teens follow their natural sleep pattern is that individuals prone to getting into trouble after school find fewer avenues for it because school isn't letting out at 3:30 when most adults are still at work. Instead, these teens can (and mostly do) sleep all morning, wake up feeling less grumpy, attend school more readily, and when they get out at 4:30 or 5:00, their parents tend to be home. —Lauren Why teens need enough sleep (from Mary Carskadon, PhD, an expert on adolescent sleep): •  fewer depressed moods •  reduced tardiness •  reduced absenteeism •  better grades •  reduced car crashes •  reduced metabolic and nutritional deficits, including obesity DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I read with interest about the mother who couldn't get her son to sleep before midnight. Sleep deprivation is the norm today. But combining sleep deprivation with teens leads to extra problems because teens are prone to angst, depression, acute crises — and rash decisions. One in five suicides take place the same day as an acute life crisis and I believe sleep deprivation plays a role. It is biological fact that teens' circadian rhythms are hardwired to stay up later and sleep in later. It would be so much healthier if high school started at 8:30 or 9:00 to accommodate this. —Marion, Toledo, Ohio School - In General, Truancy, Depression & Mental Health, Obesity , Sleep, Suicide, 2012-03-21T18:09:10+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/boy-seeks-help-to-find-the-light http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/boy-seeks-help-to-find-the-light#When:17:06:03Z Editor's Note: It is thought that people cut to relieve mental pain by turning it into physical pain. Others report the visual relief of seeing the blood. Cutting is the new “drug,” yet few parents realize their child is “using.” If you are a parent, show this column to your child and ask compassionately if he or she ever cuts. Regardless of the answer, if you haven’t seen your child’s arms (or legs — often the inner thigh) in awhile, be curious. Cutting is highly addictive, leaves permanent scars, and is indicative of unresolved stress. I recommend counseling for anyone who is cutting. To aid in recovery (or stay balanced in the first place), don't underestimate the value of adequate sleep, nutrient-dense food, and a rhythmic schedule. It is an understatement that today's world is extremely stressful. Even without trauma (which many kids have), sleep deficit, junk food, and/or a helter-skelter schedule can take a person from stressed to depressed. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I just stopped cutting about a month ago. I started a journal, but sometimes when I get frustrated or angry I start to cut again. I was wondering if you have any ideas for helping me. I am so scared of falling back into that dark place. Also, do you have suggestions for how to tell my parents and friends? —Leo, Carson City, Nevada Cutting, 2012-03-14T17:06:03+00:00