http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/ en straighttalkTNT@gmail.com Copyright 2012 2012-02-01T21:08:26+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/son-wont-go-to-sleep-before-midnight http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/son-wont-go-to-sleep-before-midnight#When:21:08:26Z Editor's Note: I think we need to put sleep on the endangered "species" list. Here is the amount of sleep needed by age, according to the National Sleep Foundation: newborns 12-18 hours, infants 14-15 hours; toddlers 12-14 hours; preschoolers 11-13 hours; kids (age 5-10) 10-11 hours; teens (age 10-18) 8.5-9.5 hours; adults 7-9 hours. How many parents enforce(d) this? Very few that I know of. I was one of those back-to-nature mothers who put my grade-school kids to bed at 7 p.m., while their peers were going to bed at 9 or 10. (Like Gregg and Nicole, my kids have enviable sleep health today and thank me now from college.) Studies show that teenagers, on school nights, average only 7.4 hours of sleep — almost a two-hour deficit. Insufficient sleep inhibits hormones critical to growth and sexual maturation, plays a significant role in poor attention spans, reduced executive brain function, weakened immune systems, diabetes, depression and panic disorder. It is even being associated with Alzheimer's. The circadian rhythms of teens really are hard-wired for staying up later and waking up later (it's not entirely their fault!). But very few high schools start at 9 a.m. The vast majority have unhealthy 7:30-7:45 start times — earlier than most adults are expected at work. This doesn't help things. Not counting unrealistic school start times and lack of early-childhood conditioning toward sleep, there are other challenges around sleep today. The blue light from TVs, computers, cell phones, and all electronic devices (including those annoying blue display buttons), is known to inhibit melatonin. Some research shows that even exposure to wireless signals when your phone isn't in use can interfere with sleep. With teens falling asleep clutching their cell phones, we have a problem Houston! For health's sake, parents need to become like teachers and confiscate all electronics at the bedroom door (another great reason to keep this stuff out of their bedrooms in the first place). —Lauren Readers: Straight Talk is a non-profit organization. If every reader sends us $5 we can make our 2012 operating budget. Your involvement is needed! Please make your tax-deductible donation today. —With love and thanks, Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I have an ordinary question compared to the topics you cover. How do you get a teenager (age 16) to go to sleep before midnight — so that he wakes up in the morning acting like a human being? (I’m afraid I can’t stay up late enough to monitor him once he heads to his bedroom.) He averages six hours of sleep a night and I’m quite sure he relies on coffee to stay awake during morning classes. Other than this he is a good and socially-involved kid. But I know he needs more than six hours of sleep! How do I make him get it? — Diane, Redding, Calif. Health - In General, Sleep, Media - In General, Cell Phones (see also Driving), 2012-02-01T21:08:26+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/sons-internet-romance-worries-dad http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/sons-internet-romance-worries-dad#When:16:37:13Z Dear Readers: Straight Talk is a non-profit organization. If every reader sends us $5 we can make our 2012 operating budget. We need you!! Please make your tax-deductible donation today by pressing the donation button at the top of this page. —Love and thanks, Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My oldest, age 15, is in a long-term, long-distance relationship with "the one." He is constantly asking to visit her. I have concerns about the level of supervision there (every interaction has involved questionable decisions by her family, including bringing them to a hotel room under supervision). I believe they are hurting each other more than helping. Because of the distance, I don't think he is learning essential communication skills with the opposite sex. Am I over-reacting? How can I convince him that I just might know what I'm talking about? — Kevin Family Life - In General, Internet & Social Networking, Love, 2012-01-25T16:37:13+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/on-the-first-day-of-christmas-my-true-love-stole-for-me http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/on-the-first-day-of-christmas-my-true-love-stole-for-me#When:18:57:31Z Editor's Note: Some shoplift for need, others for greed, most enjoy the "rush" that shoplifting brings, and most are depressed. And for all shoplifters, the habit reflects internal shame and low self-esteem. Not all realize this until they are caught — which is often described as the most humiliating thing to ever go through. Deep down, stealing feels lousy. The National Association for Shoplifting Prevention (the website recommended above by Katelyn), estimates that 1 in 11 Americans shoplifts. Seventy-five percent of shoplifters are over 18. The holiday shopping craze is when most shoplifting occurs. In the four weeks before Christmas, the Global Retail Theft Barometer reported that sticky fingers accounted for $1.8 billion in stolen U.S. merchandise.  The best prevention is intervention during an early childhood theft, such as Taylor described above. Guilt and embarrassment, used correctly, are great teachers. For others, not so lucky, in order to kick the habit, you need to re-learn how to get a "rush" from normal activities (going to lunch, getting a haircut, meeting someone for coffee), rather than through the thrill of stealing. Professional help is often needed, and worth it! —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am writing about my friend. She has a problem with shoplifting, maybe even an addiction. I would like to help her stop before she gets caught because she is over 18 and it will result in a criminal record. I have known her for years. When we were younger, I shoplifted makeup a couple times with her, but it scares me too much and doesn’t feel right to steal. She is a good person except for this. Over the holidays she stole so much stuff it almost made me sick. Does anyone on the panel have shoplifting experience and if so, how did they stop? Maybe it will help her. — Sammie, Toledo, Ohio Holiday Issues - In General, Jail, Juvenile Hall, Prison, Depression & Mental Health, 2012-01-18T18:57:31+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mom-asks-are-my-curfew-and-dating-rules-too-strict http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/mom-asks-are-my-curfew-and-dating-rules-too-strict#When:19:50:32Z Editor's Note: The trouble with allowing older teens to have significant others in non-remote bedrooms, even with the door open (the only safe way to allow it), is that they might never be seen again. With most bedrooms today furnished like virtual entertainment clubs, there is little motivation to emerge and interact with the "less interesting" human beings in the other parts of the household. This is one of several reasons why I constantly rail that computers, TV, stereos, etc., should be kept in the family rooms of the house. If you have an "open bedroom door" rule, it is to everyone's benefit to require the significant other to be hosted part of the time outside the bedroom, too. After all, you want to know who this person is, don't you? —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My 17-year-old daughter has a serious almost-18-year-old boyfriend. She says I’m too restrictive. I feel a midnight curfew is reasonable and that she may not go to his home since I don’t know if an adult will be there. Plus, her boyfriend has mentioned his older brother and friend drinking there. At our home, a parent needs to be there and they can’t be in her room. Am I out of touch? I want a good relationship with them, but I feel that parenting is my top duty until she is 18. What would the panelists say? Thank you for this relevant column. — Redding, Calif. Family Life - In General, Dating, 2012-01-11T19:50:32+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/making-a-better-world-part-ii http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/making-a-better-world-part-ii#When:18:01:17Z Editor's Note: Each week it is joyful and sometimes heart wrenching to facilitate the panelists helping other young people, their parents, and families. Straight Talk has over 85 volunteer panelists (and counting) between the ages of 14 and 25 from 11 states. In our country there are 40 million teens and young adults, many with issues they don’t talk to their parents about. As youth and family services are stripped, it becomes harder to get help. Our column works on the principle of peer-to-peer helping and every week we provide someone an answer, inspire someone to make a better choice, and contribute to someone’s increased social and emotional intelligence. Straight Talk TNT is now a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization (status pending, which means we can begin receiving donations). If every Straight Talk reader will take a moment to send us $5 we will meet our 2012 budgetary goals. Please consider this small tax-deductible gift today. Together we can help many. You may donate here on our website or send a check to Straight Talk TNT, PO Box 963, Fair Oaks, CA 95628. Thank you in advance and Happy New Year! —Love, Lauren DEAR READERS: Each New Year I ask the panelists: What bugs you most about the world? How would you make the world better? Last week's “better world” column covered concerns about how digital networking has diminished face-to-face interactions, depth of thought, real relationships, even real bodies. This week we present comments on root causes of peace, healing the financial crisis and revamping our schools. Blessings on the light within that makes us good and true. —Lauren Conflict - In General, Optimum World, Politics - In General, Work, College, 2012-01-04T18:01:17+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/young-people-lament-downside-of-digital-age http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/young-people-lament-downside-of-digital-age#When:20:00:34Z Editor's Note: Who would have thought the world would change on a dime? The digital age, bringing us social networking and private access to pornography, has made the pastimes of most Americans today unfathomable just ten years ago. While many people are immersed in total oblivion, the comments in today's column indicate dissatisfaction with the sticky web that has been woven. I always appeal to parents to help their young find freedom from technology. Nobody under 14 needs a smart phone, tablet, computer, or a diet of TV, video games and movies. Computer literacy and popular culture can be learned with ease starting in high school, thus giving the child a real chance at childhood — not to mention a point of reference that can save an adult when their own childhood innocence is sought. The gifts of being in nature, of writing by hand, of time spent in boredom, imaginary play, or uninterrupted thought are priceless. The window of opportunity for these things is the early years. For families who don't (or didn't) follow this philosophy, children and teens still need and want strict limits on screen time. They'll be happier and healthier for it. Please be the authority figure on this, even if they're not asking for it, or if they complain. —Lauren DEAR READERS: What bugs you most about the world? How would you make the world better? Every winter, I pose these questions to the panel. This year, technology took a bruising. Real relationships, thinking deeply, embracing boredom, and lamenting the demise of "face-to-face" interactions were top concerns for so many panelists that I devoted all of today's column to this theme. Parents: as much as young people appear to love their texts, posts, tweets, games, movies and pornography (though I doubt you hear much about the latter), they also feel caught in its web and need help managing the medium — whether they say so or not. To a healthier New Year! —Lauren  Family Life - In General, Media - In General, Cell Phones (see also Driving), Internet & Social Networking, Pornography (see also Sex), Optimum World, Pornography , 2011-12-28T20:00:34+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/best-party-favor-stay-sober-keep-each-other-safe http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/best-party-favor-stay-sober-keep-each-other-safe#When:17:28:50Z Editor's Note: I have it on solid teenage authority that kids drink and use drugs for two reasons: One, they are depressed about some aspect of their life. Two, they need help loosening up around the opposite sex. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone looked their problems in the eye and asked for help instead of drowning them with intoxicants? And wouldn't it be nice if people faced the awkwardness of socializing and romance without chemical assistance? What if people learned to laugh, dance, ask for help, be silly, or in love without drugs or alcohol? We did as children. Then what happened? New Year's resolution idea: Reject the notion that growing up means you have to use drugs and alcohol to be yourself or have a good time. Remember how you felt as a child? Retrain yourself to bring that freedom from drugs into adulthood. Senior project idea (for party-goers): Attend a series of parties clean and sober and write about the experience. Happy Holidays dear friends and readers. Take care of yourselves and others. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I attend high school parties but don't usually drink or use drugs. Recently a girl chugged vodka. Everyone except me was drinking so nobody thought much of it. After ten minutes, her limbs went limp and she couldn't walk, yet she was still conscious, saying to leave her alone so she could sleep. I put her on her side so she wouldn't suffocate on her own vomit and watched over her. I was the only one paying attention! The next day she didn't remember anything. I get scared at parties when people chug and go limp. I don't know whether I should take them to ER or not. It's not the first time this has happened. What should I do? — Sober DD 2011-12-21T17:28:50+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/girl-raped-while-passed-out-from-drinking http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/girl-raped-while-passed-out-from-drinking#When:20:17:23Z Editor's Note: My heart goes out to all these women and others who have been through this. I thank the panelists and "Someone's Friend" for the courage to tell their stories. When I first got the letter from "Someone's Friend," I had no idea that some guys were getting their rocks off by raping unconscious girls. It made me think of necrophilia. Then, when I got the responses from the panelists, I was mortified to find that it wasn't uncommon. Jessie, another panelist, reports, "This is a scenario that every girl who parties is afraid of." As in all cases of rape, victims usually stay quiet. And in the case of being raped while unconscious or semi-conscious from partying, most victims probably think their case won't stand because of the inebriation factor. Or they are confused as to the definition of rape, as in Ari's case. (Let me clarify: If someone is struggling and saying stop, that's rape. It doesn't matter if was there was prior flirting.) Difficult as it is emotionally, I encourage victims to "take back the night" and press charges on these people. If one gets to a doctor within 24 hours of a rape, the rape can be confirmed due to damage to the genital tissues and a seamen sample can be taken for identification purposes. I give the same encouragement to non-victims who know who the rapist is. Do you really want this person to continue harming women like this? Who might be next? Your sister? A good friend? You're sturdy. No one just raped you. Occupy this! —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am helping a friend in my dorm through a terrible experience. She passed out from drinking at a party and was put in a bedroom to sleep it off. She woke up in pain with somebody on top of her. It was like a bad dream that ended quickly. The next day, her genitals were raw and her pants were on the floor. I have tried to take her to a doctor, but she’s so scared she just wants to wait and see if her period comes. This is making me sick. Has anyone had experience with guys raping girls while they are passed out? Also, how can I get her to see a doctor? — Just sign me “Somebody’s Friend” Drugs - In General, Alcohol, Date Rape , Date Rape (see also Dating), Rape, Depression & Mental Health, Rape & Abduction, 2011-12-14T20:17:23+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/generous-aunt-gets-no-thanks http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/generous-aunt-gets-no-thanks#When:15:50:24Z Editor's Note: And enforce it you must or it won't happen! Like Gregg and Liva's parents, I've was (and still am) a stickler for thank-you cards with my four kids. And voila, light bulbs went off for them around age 20 also. The process is effortful, but it's a brilliant service for your kids. I'm also a stickler about writing by hand. It's good for the brain and even rough handwriting has a human aesthetic lacking in email. According to Miss Manners, notepaper and envelope are the proper tools. No need for a commercialized "thank-you" card — apparently, you're to think of these magic words on your own! On the subject of gratitude, I would like to extend heartfelt thanks to all our faithful readers. There are 40 million teens and emerging adults in the U.S., many with serious issues around binge-drinking, body image, cutting, online porn, cyber-bullying and more — things they don't always talk to parents about. Our youth writers have a way of peeling back the veil so that teens listen and parents learn. It's an honor to work with them and all of you. Straight Talk TNT is now a non-profit 501(c)3 tax-deductible organization (status pending) and we are relying on grants and donations to keep the column going. If you like reading us each week, please donate today here on our website through our secure server or send check to Straight Talk TNT, POB 963, Fair Oaks, CA 95628. No donation is too small. All contributions are tax deductible. —With Love and Thanks, Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Each year I give my niece and nephew an expensive gift of something they want or need. I often include money. If I'm there for the holidays, they say thank you but I have never once received a thank-you letter. I know young people are busy, but really? Too busy to spend 15 minutes? The kids are now 17 and 19. I'm disappointed that my brother and his wife never made them write thank-you letters. (I've not received email thank-yous either.) Though I've never complained, ingratitude is such a poor trait. Should I send them anything this year? I'd appreciate your guidance. — Maureen, Monterey, Calif. Family Life - In General, Relationships - In General, Religion & Spirituality, Gifting, 2011-12-07T15:50:24+00:00 http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/dads-suggestive-touching-embitters-daughter http://www.straighttalkforteens.com/teen-advice/entry/dads-suggestive-touching-embitters-daughter#When:19:38:56Z Editor's Note: I hope all dads reading this will take note — or moms and other relatives will clue you in. As you can see from Katie's letter, a father doesn't have to be an outright groper to cause problems. Subtle sexual attention toward a girl's developing body can have a big impact. Best for dads: steer very clear of pubescent features on your daughter. Don't expect her to speak up. She might be so “weirded” out that she instead starts silently hating you, as Katie has done. I implore Katie to communicate, but it shouldn't be her responsibility to be the mature one and it's sad that she is being put in this position. Regarding walking around with your hand down your pants, Dads, of course you have the right to "adjust" yourself in your own castle, but you might consider the effect it is having on your teenage daughter and (hopefully) decide to adjust your behavior instead of your testicles — at least until she's in the other room. Not all girls are bothered by it, but some are, and I would hope that making your daughter feel secure around you would win out over a few seconds of unconscious rearranging. —Lauren DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I'm 17 and lucky to have an involved dad who believes in his kids. But he finds a way to pat my bottom or touch me closer to my chest than I am comfortable with any boy doing. Because of this, I avoid standing next to him or touching him at all. I am constantly bitter toward him and have lost respect for him. My parents think I'm being an immature teenager and hate him for no reason — but it's because of this. I keep my bedroom door closed because I don't feel secure about him coming in. Family vacations are ruined because he walks around the hotel room with his hand down his underwear. I see my friends with great relationships with their dads and I want that. But whenever I sit by him or lean against him, he takes it as another opportunity. Am I just being paranoid? I want a relationship with my dad, but only if I can be comfortable. — Katie Family Life - In General, Female Issues , Groping, Abusive, 2011-11-30T19:38:56+00:00