Archive for the ‘work’ Category
July 25th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 50 years old, proud father of my first child, a baby daughter. I like your column and have a question for you. I know very few teens today that work. From age 12 to the time I graduated, I had seven jobs: dishwasher, golf caddy, cashier, waiter, etc. These jobs taught me things you don’t learn in school: independence, communicating with adults, budgeting time and money.
Most parents give their teens an excess of high-end material goods and keep them hopping from one sport or enrichment to the next. I think working for money is a step toward independence that is missing today. What do you think the long-term result of teens not working will be? Do you think parents should make teens earn their own money for things like clothes, movies, lunch out, and the costs of driving a car? — G. B., Folsom
Dear G. B.: Yes I do, with odd jobs starting around 12, and part-time employment starting around 16. The social skills, executive skills, and humility that are obtained from working can be gotten nowhere else but “on the job.”
We’re already seeing the results of spoiling kids with too much stuff and not enough work. Designer jeans, sushi dinners, flat screen TVs — aren’t these basic staples? I know 18-year-olds who have never operated a vacuum cleaner. The materialistic bar has been raised so high and the self-esteem movement has inflated “I’m special” to the point that many kids live like mini heirs and heiresses. Narcissism is up 30 percent since 1982 with two-thirds of college students scoring above average on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory. Of course, it’s the parents who keep jumping when the kids say jump. And of course, this “more, more, more” lifestyle is a house of cards. Household debt in this country is higher than household assets.
There are windows of opportunity when humans are ready for certain developmental steps, and when that developmental step is taken at the optimum age it’s like hitting the sweet spot on a tennis racket. The optimum age for independence is around age 19. Part-time work is what prepares a kid for this step. Not being ready when this window opens is resulting in the “quarter-life crisis” that many young adults are experiencing.
Teens who actively strive for financial independence (whether they need to or not), will be ahead of the game when they step into the adult world. No year-round sport or enrichment program compares to this training.
From Mariah, 15: Some teens need to work, others have the means to wait. Sports and lessons teach discipline and life skills, too, just differently.
From Shelby, 15: Not having a job because you are lazy or want to play video games is different than not having a job because you do summer sports or take classes. There is also a difference between working for pay and working to learn. I don’t feel spoiled because I am interning for my dream job.
From Katie, 14: Every day my parents make a list of chores like housecleaning, mowing, doing dishes, and taking care of our animals. If I don’t do them well and on time, I don’t get paid and can’t see friends that day. I pay for extra clothes, movies, lunch out, or any other social event.
From Mary, 17: My parents are no longer my taxi. I find my own ride. If I want buy something or go somewhere, I pay for it. When I’m working, I pay part of the phone bill.
From Jarrad, 18: Most people these days, kids and adults both, don’t understand money. I’ve earned about $600 per month for the last two years, but a lot of teens get their paycheck and say, “Wow, $600, let’s go get drunk.” Drinking costs about $50 a night, add $15 for buying extravagant food while high, and there’s a significant chunk of change down the drain. Even straight kids don’t know to manage their money. Everyone buys too much frivolous stuff.
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March 28th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I’m a junior in college studying pre-med. My grandfather was doctor, and three of his children are doctors, my mother being one of them. From a young age I’ve felt the calling, too. At a party recently, a family friend who has known me since birth (also a doctor), pulled me aside and told me I will never make a good doctor, that I’m more cut out for creative fields (my father is a writer). It’s true I clock in extra hours making B’s, while others breeze through, but I’ve always imagined myself a doctor. It’s been a bit of a blow. How do I know if I’m cut out for something?—Will
Dear Will: In the classes I teach for teens, students determine their personality type and match it to career options. When a career matches one’s natural disposition it’s like writing with your preferred hand: it flows. When the career doesn’t match, there is friction. To discover what career you are cut out for, I highly recommend the book, Follow Your True Colors to the Work You Love. Also, with all those doctors in your family, why not follow one of them around for a day and see how you like it?
From Carmen, 20: Explore your talents, learn what excites you. There are many ways to serve people that will match your talents and values. At the same time, if being a doctor turns you on, the struggle to get there will make it all the more rewarding.
From Mary, 16: My mom always told me: don’t shut any doors yet, open some new ones. If you’re passionate about being a doctor then go after it. You can always do something creative on the side.
From Johannes, 20: I’ve wanted to be a lawyer since I was seven. Now, studying pre-law, I know it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life, but Social Security will be in the dumps soon and I need to establish a solid financial base while I’m young to secure comfort when I am older. Working as an attorney will provide that base. Investing and saving well, I can then venture into areas of more interest and less pay. I feel that changing majors several times or trying different careers will compromise my financial future. I will find happiness through love and family, not necessarily through my work. A close family friend owns a successful law firm and I have an assured job there. I’m lucky to have that opportunity, therefore I will pursue it.
From Lennon, 20: The creative arts are not difficult to try without instruction. Sit down and write, paint, or sculpt something. Give it a shot while you’re studying to be a doctor. If you like one of them, pursue it with a teacher.
From Peter, 19: For the longest time I thought I wanted to teach. Everyone said I was totally cut out for it, but after actually teaching a freshman English class, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted to do. In college, I’ve discovered that my natural aptitude is in linguistics. The exact career is uncertain, but I love the subject matter—and that’s what makes the difference. Why not take a semester of classes that interest you and see what happens?
From Kendal, 20: Don’t let another person tell you what you would or wouldn’t be good at. Only you know that. Ask yourself if being a doctor is something you would enjoy. Have you put expectations on yourself because you come from a doctoring family? Your classes are challenging, but do they spark you and make you want to learn more? Being a student is the perfect time to explore your options. Recent classes stimulated me to change my major. By taking a variety of classes I could see which ones I walked away from wanting to talk about versus those I just walked away from.
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January 18th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: I’m a senior and my parents are steering me into studying science in college. True, I have a high aptitude for math and science but I’m not interested in being a doctor, scientist, or engineer. I prefer things artistic or people-oriented but my parents scoff at that. I’ve not known what to do. I want help with costs but I must study what they want. I’m already accepted at the school of their choice. What should I do now?—Feeling trapped
Dear Trapped: The teens feel you should follow your heart even if that means going it alone on loans at a community college. While I appreciate that advice, I have been around long enough to see hearts change, some of them multiple times over the course of a college education—and often many more times after that.
Regardless of your major, a college degree will help you immeasurably in whatever you end up doing after college. With the shocking student loan debt these days, your parent’s offer of support cannot be taken lightly. Nor can your relationship with your parents.
Put off worrying for now. Classes during the first two years are general enough to be applied to almost any major. I have a hunch that, given time, something new will emerge into the dynamics and you will be able to go in a direction satisfactory to all—(if all else fails, you’re halfway to a degree). For starters, propose a major that blends science with art or people. Architecture or psychiatry comes to mind.
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