March 19th, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m a 17-year-old guy and I recently got two star tattoos, one on each shoulder. They are placed where they can be easily hidden. What bothers me is that I’ve been hiding them from my parents. I don’t regret getting them; they represent me and I really like them. But my parents hate tattoos and I don’t know how they will react. I need help on what I should do and how I should tell them.
Florida
DEAR FLORIDA: You need help on what you should do? Didn’t you already do it? I feel about tattoos like I feel about sex: if you aren’t mature enough to tell your parents, you aren’t mature enough to “get any.” In Florida, you are tattoo-legal at 16, but only with parental permission. You knew this, so be prepared to accept their consequences without complaint. A 2006 Pew Research Center survey showed that 36 percent of those ages 18 to 25, and 40 percent of those ages 26 to 40, have at least one tattoo. Half want their tattoos removed. Your parents might feel better if you become a dermatologist. By the time you finish medical school, demand for tattoo removal should be peaking.
From Bird, 17
I did the same thing. I got my first tattoo and I didn’t tell my family about it for a week. Finally, I was eating dinner with my mother and I went, “Mom, I’m not happy to contain this any longer and you are going to see it eventually. I got a tattoo.” She was okay about it; she figures it’s my body. But my father totally despises tattoos, calling them trashy and sleazy. He was upset and told me I was going to regret it, but there was really nothing he could do about it. Tell one parent first, whichever one you feel closer to. The sooner you tell them, the sooner they can see it, accept it, and move on from it.
From Sawyer, 16
Tattoos are a short-lived dream. Unless you spend all your time reminiscing about the past, the majority of your life you will regret them. Most teens deny that it’s a fashion, but it is. It distinguishes our generation. The difference is you can’t change your tattoos like you can change your hair or clothes. I still may get one someday. Sometimes you have to do things you’ll regret in order to learn.
From Ashley, 20
I don’t see anything wrong with tattoos unless you get pointless, meaningless ones. But no matter what you get, it represents only that time of your life. That’s why I would never get one. Tattoos are so common now. If you have no reason to be ashamed of your tattoos, tell your parents. They might freak out, but they’ll get over it.
From Nicole, 18
Do you want your parents and friends keeping secrets from you? Be careful with your actions, they might catch up with you.
From Lennon, 21
I see a lot of snakes and barb wire that are done spur-of-the-moment and I don’t see how something so superficial could hold life-long meaning. I have no “need” for tattoos, but since you obviously do, what are you going to do, hide them the rest of your life?
From Beau, 18
When you get a tattoo, it must be something you are proud of. I have a tattoo as well. I didn’t have to hide it from my parents, but I did have to justify it to my dad before I got it. I explained the meaning behind it and my father supported it. My mother, however, thinks tattoos are “gross.” Nonetheless, I got it, and explained to her that tattoos are one of my passions. If you stand your ground and remember why you got your tattoo, you will be safe.
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June 14th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: In January, I got a tattoo against my parents’ wishes. It’s on my lower back and so far they don’t know about it. I’m 16 and really feel that I should be able to do what I want with my skin. There is nothing wrong with a tattoo, it’s not like I’m on drugs or something. I’m really angry at them for always trying to control my life in all the wrong areas. It’s summer now and I want to wear a bathing suit but I’m afraid they’ll ground me all summer when they see my tattoo. That will be the end of our relationship. Any suggestions?—Going out of my skin
Dear Skin: Besides wearing a one-piece suit? Yes. Tell them. They have every right to make certain decisions until you are a legal adult. You went behind their backs and now you must deal with the consequences. Tell your parents there is something important you need to discuss and schedule a time when there are no distractions.
The teen staff has some tips for softening the blow.
From Lennon, 19: Like it or not, your parents really are in charge of you till you’re 18. Just respect them. They mean the best for you. You may think you would let your child get tattooed at 16, but you’ll have a different perspective when you’re 38.
Here’s how to tell them: Instead of being angry (which makes no sense—they should be angry at you), show them how bad you feel about disobeying. Offer to make breakfast for a month, clean their cars, pick up your grades, stop spending money, anything that will make them believe you really wanted this and are willing to pay the price. Don’t be offensive or defensive, be nice and objective.
From Farren, 18: Honestly, going against your parents’ wishes was the wrong thing to do. You may feel it is your skin, and in some ways you are right, but you are under 18, which means they still have the right to say no. Waiting would have been a better choice until you are no longer in their home under their rules.
You shouldn’t feel angry at them for wanting to control certain aspects of your life. From their perspective, you are their daughter and they want to protect you. Getting a tattoo is permanent and if you ever decide to remove it, it will be costly and painful. It’s only natural that a parent would not want you to get one at your age.
Let your parents know what you did before they find out on their own. This way, at least you are showing some responsibility and ownership. They may still want to ground you, but it will help if you let them know that you made a mistake, that you’re sorry for compromising your relationship, and that you deserve the consequences.
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November 16th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 17 and looking for a job. The trouble is I immediately get judged for my body jewelry (I have a small Marilyn Monroe stud). They say if I want to work there, I won’t be able to wear it. I think it’s shallow to judge me for my piercing instead of looking at my skills and reliability. The jewelry is who I am, and I feel that I shouldn’t have to alter myself to fit someone’s approval. How have other teens handled this? I know a lot of teens have more piercings than I do.—Judged unfairly
Dear Judged: Here is your answer:
From Rose, 18: For 10 months I had a Monroe and had the toughest time finding work. I was even fired from a restaurant because I wouldn’t take it out. I went jobless for a while but I never took it out for a job because it was part of who I was. Be who you are and don’t surrender. You will find a job; it just takes a lot of looking.
From Brittney, 17: You can’t let it get to you. If you like how you look and you don’t want to compromise, then, don’t. I, too, have body jewelry and believe me, there are places that will hire you as you are. You just have to look a little harder.
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