November 22nd, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: I felt badly for the 7th grade girl whose mom didn’t want her to shave until 8th grade. My daughters started shaving in 6th grade and though I didn’t want them to, it was important for them to feel comfortable around their peers. When I think about what some mothers let their young daughters do, shaving is the least of my worries. –Auburn Mom
Dear Auburn Mom: Since most middle schools start in 6th grade, the social pressure to begin shaving in 6th grade can be enormous. I think it’s too young for most girls, many of whom have barely started puberty, and I wish that pressure wasn’t there. However, a child who is happy socially is more successful at facing the peer pressures that matter.
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September 27th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: I’m writing in regard to “Julie” who wanted to start shaving her legs. I have never shaved, and have never wanted to. From a young age I’ve had an appreciation for the beauty of my body that no social pressure can take from me. Because of that, I’ve wanted to keep my body the way it was given to me. I’ve never had anyone disrespect me, make fun of me, or not be friends with me because I have hairy legs.
Even though Julie feels she needs to shave to be accepted, I suggest that she think about whether it’s really necessary to maintain healthy friendships.—Carmen, 20
Dear Carmen: You are writing to one of the most hair-removal obsessed cultures on earth so I doubt most young girls will follow your lead. Nevertheless, I wanted to share your letter because if more women chose to be as loving toward their natural body as you are, we would inhabit a saner, happier world.
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September 13th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 12 and I just started seventh grade. I’m having a disagreement with my mom over the right age to begin shaving. I want to shave now and my mom wants me to wait until eighth grade. It’s been so bad between us we agreed to write you and will do whatever you say.—Julie, Auburn
Dear Julie: My first impulse was to say that if you are in full-blown puberty or simply have a lot of leg hair, by all means start shaving, but if you are the typical 12-year-old with fine, blonde hair on your legs, compromise by shaving your underarms but wait until eighth grade to shave your legs. That was until I heard from the teen staff. They’ve won me over. You get the green light.
Here are their letters:
From Laura, 20: I don’t see what the big deal is. Twelve isn’t all that young to begin shaving—in fact, most girls I know were about that age when they started. While I think it would be a little ridiculous for someone younger than that to shave, it’s still just shaving. It’s not like she wants to dye her hair blue or get her belly button pierced. What will she be hurting by shaving a year earlier than her mom wants her to.
From Farren, 18: My mom and I had this same discussion. In sixth grade I went over to a friend’s house and she told me she shaved and that I should, too. So I did. I told my mom and she said I should wait.
Honestly, I had to start shaving because I had a lot more hair than most girls. And yes, it does affect your popularity at school. Sometimes I wish I had started shaving later because they say the longer you wait the finer your hair is when you get older, but I’m pretty sure that’s a myth.
Looking back, I think the whole thing is ridiculous. Shaving is not that big of a deal. I think any girl in seventh grade who wants to shave should be able to. It’s not like she’s asking to smoke or have sex.
From Brittney, 18: My sister and I both started shaving at the beginning of sixth grade. I was 11 and I’m happy my mom let me because having a dark head of hair, I had dark leg hair as well. Her compromise was that I couldn’t shave above the knees.
I had a good friend whose dad wouldn’t let her shave her legs or armpits until she was in eighth grade. She was made fun of throughout middle school. It wasn’t anything horrible, but I know she felt self-conscious about it, especially since all her friends were shaving. From that point on, she had a seriously strained relationship with her father.
Your daughter is almost a teenager and shaving can be a great rite of passage for a young girl—which you can teach her as her mother. It’s not like she is asking to put highlights in her hair or wear makeup. You can still set all the same boundaries but help her feel more feminine at the same time.
Whether or not you let her shave her legs, please let her shave her armpits simply for good hygiene.
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