July 9th, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I read the recent Pew survey results on religious views and was surprised that 92 percent of American adults believe in God. I’m wondering if the same is true of our youth. With only about a third of households attending weekly services, and many teenagers hardly attending at all, it would be interesting to hear from your panel.
Marysville CA
Jennifer, 14
I’ve never attended church. I believe in one main God, whom I pray to — and that everything is God.
Emily, 15
My closest friends are mostly the same religion as me; they pray, believe in God, and attend church regularly. Our parents are the same religion, too, but I honestly think, given the choice, we would all stay. I attribute my values and choices to my religion.
Katie, 15
I’ve been forced to attend church since birth but my over-the-top Catholic parents contribute to almost all my stress. I’m constantly judged and never good enough. If parents would ease up on the religion thing, we would like it more.
Shelby, 16
Till I was 10, my mom took me to the Unitarian Universalist Church which teaches the different religions. Afterward, since I didn’t feel a “connection”, she let me stop going. I think there are angels and spirits, but not an individual “God.” If there was, why are people in Africa dying, why did the earthquake in China kill thousands of schoolchildren?
Dominic, 21
I was raised Mormon. Then I realized that organized religion is a means of answering what is unanswerable and incomprehensible. I cannot accept the premise that God, (a gentle old man with a beard, or perhaps the Sun), determines how I should live. I’m open to the “idea” of God, but I cannot honestly comprehend this level of mystery — and I’m comfortable with that! To quote from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42.”
Lennon, 21
If I were to say that God speaks to me I’d be laughed at, but it’s perfectly okay for the Pope — and I guarantee he’s more corrupt than I! There is the story of the man who invented his own religion, preached it, and attained followers. Much later he confessed to making the whole thing up, whereupon his followers stoned him to death and went on believing. If the Pope denounced God, something similar would happen. God didn’t create people, people created God.
Elizabeth, 20
Almost everyone has a religious battle inside. There are the college students, who, after taking a world religions class, turn against all religion. Then there’s the group who believes in God, but doesn’t proceed because of the influence of family, friends, and the thought of giving up worldly possessions and vices. Next is the group who believes, but does not voice their beliefs out of fear of ridicule. Fourth are those who tried the “church thing” but found it “judgmental.” Let’s not forget those who say they believe, but are no closer to God than a non-believer. For me, I believe in Christ and the Lord and will express that to any ear that will listen.
Farren, 20
My parents didn’t attend services, but I went often with friends. Around fourth grade, it became a big deal whether I was “Christian” or not, but I never felt fully accepted. By high school I thought I was atheist. But now that I’ve had more life experience, I’m open to the idea of a higher power. I’m glad my parents didn’t force a religion on me so I could decipher “life” for myself. As for values, my parents are highly moral; they taught me right from wrong and made me take responsibility for myself.
DEAR MARYSVILLE: A longer panelist comment from Megan, sums up, in my opinion, the bulk of this generation’s feelings around religion. To read this interesting comment, click the “discuss this column” section below.
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January 4th, 2006
Dear Readers: Last week I wrote about humans having four bodies, a concept I teach in my teen classes. Today, I will continue with gleanings on the remaining three bodies: the mental body, emotional body, and spiritual body.
The mental body: Since it is part of the physical body, if we want our brain to think well, it needs to be fed well. The link between diet and intelligence is a no-brainer.
Likewise, the brain needs mental exercise. Our frontal lobes are the most elite couch potatoes in history. By age 18, the average child has spent more time in front of a TV screen than at school. A recent literacy test of 19,000 college graduates “appalled” researchers in that only 31% could read and extrapolate from a complex text. There hasn’t been this much brain drain since eating lead paint went out of style.
A couch potato is a good analogy for the body, but for the brain, it’s more accurately a bombing range. Kaboom! Boom! Boom! Having difficulty concentrating? It is essential that we get a grip on “infomania”, the abuse of “always-on” technology. A recent study by the Institute of Psychiatry showed that subjects who were “always on” (texting, phoning, emailing, gaming, wired to music, internet, TV) had a drop in IQ more than double that of subjects stoned on pot.
This is your brain on drugs. ADD and ADHD are the tip of the iceberg.
Advice: Use technology wisely. Keep the young as unplugged as possible.
The emotional body: My gleaning in this realm is what I call the “missing parent syndrome”. In working with teens, the most troubled generally have at least one missing parent. It’s one of those sad things you can practically bet on. Missing parents fall in many categories: the parent has died, the parent gave the child up for adoption, the parent left the scene prior to the child’s birth, the parent was there but is now somewhere (you’re pretty sure he’s alive), the parent lives in a known location but rarely makes contact, the parent is chronically ill or disabled, the parent is in prison, the parent is “checked out” due to drugs or alcohol, the parent is almost never home, the parent is sperm #20576 (really, really not home).
Whether the missing parent can be blamed for their absence is beside the point, what matters is they are missing.
Divorce is not the crime Dr. Laura makes it out to be. Indeed, it’s horrible for kids, and should be a last resort, but it’s nowhere close to the chronic trauma of having a missing parent. If, after divorcing, both parents continue to be present in the lives of their children, there is not a missing parent issue.
You want to keep your kids intact? Stay in their lives. Regardless of your faults or how bad you think you screwed up, stay with them—or stay in regular contact with them. No matter what your story is, there’s something about you they need.
The spiritual body: Now recovered, a woman in her early twenties came to me for help with depression and thoughts of suicide. When I asked her why she wanted to take her life she said, “If all there is to life is what you’re ordering at Starbucks and what kind of jeans you’re buying at the mall, what’s the point?” This woman was experiencing a massive spiritual crisis. Among her peers, all she saw was rampant materialism which left her empty and cold.
We are a society of work addicts. Work, spend, sleep; work, spend, sleep. (Try saying that three times real fast…)
There is a reason every culture had their Sabbath or holy day. The spiritual body needs its own day to regenerate and reconnect.
Spiritual connection comes in many shapes and colors: it can be through nature, church, family, friends, a true love, it could be from service, athletics, music, art, caring for a yard or garden. It can come from rest, prayer, and contemplation.
Be a good workaholic and schedule it in. That’s right. It’s your new job.
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December 21st, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: I read your column religiously and wanted to share what some teenagers did for me last Christmas. I live in a small neighborhood and my husband died three years ago, leaving me on my own. I’m retired and don’t get around well due to a knee injury. On Christmas morning, there was a knock on the door, and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but two dads and eight strapping teenagers, bearing rakes, ladders, sundry tools, and toothy grins. Lauren, these kind people raked my leaves, trimmed the hedges, cleaned the gutters, fixed a gutter that was broken, swept the walks, changed light bulbs, changed the filters in my heating system, and made minor repairs inside the house. They even washed and vacuumed my car. After they left, I sat down and cried. Later, the two youngest girls returned with a steaming platter of Christmas dinner.—Grateful
Dear Grateful: I sat down and cried when I read your letter! Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I hope teens and parents reading this today will consider spending an hour or two bringing holiday joy to someone less fortunate who is perhaps living just a few doors down.
I also hope it inspires teens to give grandparents and other special seniors “gift certificates” for yard work, housework, or cooking—and don’t forget Mom and Dad, they could use it, too. Even if you’ve already purchased the chocolates, the cologne, the necktie, consider adding an envelope under the tree with their name on it. Gifts of service are always hugely appreciated. Make sure to keep a record of what you promised and make good on it promptly.
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