Archive for the ‘pregnancy & birth control’ Category
January 23rd, 2008
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 17 and I’m pregnant. I was using a birth control shot. I have tons of support, especially from my mother, to make my own choice and I am confident in my decision to have a medicinal abortion. The problem is my boyfriend. He is my age but has no grasp of what I’m going through and I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Earlier I was confused and blamed the pregnancy on him. We are nearly breaking up over this. Am I being selfish? He says he doesn’t want it so why are we having so many problems? — No name please
Dear No name: He was playing with fire and got caught. You both were. The difference is, he can run and you can’t — which makes him antsy and you scrambling to point fingers. I’m very happy you told your mother. If you decide to keep the baby, contact Child Support Services in your county directory. By law, the father must pay child support until the child is 18. Read on.
From Emily, 15: You’re not selfish. It’s easy for guys to run away. They are not stuck with the weight, the moral decisions, the responsibility. He is the selfish one for not wanting to be involved. But neither of you should have to worry about abortion and parenthood right now, you should be thinking about your next test or this weekend’s movie. Nonetheless, he needs to step up and become a man. If that’s not going to happen, it’s time to move on and do what YOU think is best.
From Rose, 20: When I was 17 some of my friends got pregnant. The ones who had abortions were glad they did, but also said they would never have one again. The ones who had their babies still struggle a lot — even those with family support. In your situation, there is no wrong or selfish choice.
From Peter, 20: Ultimately it is your choice, that’s the final answer. However, blaming the pregnancy on him was wrong. While he has no clue what you’re going through, you have no clue what he’s going through, either. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he isn’t running the whole field of emotions, too.
From Megan, 18: I’ve known couples who have gone through abortions together and made it work. Really talk with him, don’t hold your emotions back. You probably both have feelings about this that you haven’t told each other.
From Mary, 17: It’s his kid as much as yours. Have an abortion, keep it, give it up for adoption, no one can tell you what to do, but you TWO need to do it together. My friend, who is 16, just found out she is pregnant; she has to go it alone as the father isn’t around anymore.
From Bird, 17: I recently went through this, too. My mother said, “I cannot help you make this choice. It’s your choice alone.” I was so depressed Fischer Price commercials would make me cry. Telling my boyfriend was seriously harder than telling my mother. He told all our friends I was pregnant, yet he wouldn’t go to Planned Parenthood with me. When I asked what he wanted to do, he said, “Get rid of it. If you keep it, that’s your choice.” His insensitivity broke our relationship. We are the same age but I’m an emancipated minor attending college and I’ve been working since I was 14. He is unemployed, waiting to get into a G.E.D. program because he was kicked out of high school. He didn’t want to get a job even knowing a child of his might be born. For me, an abortion was the right decision. The choice isn’t supposed to be easy, nor is the process, but it made me stronger.
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November 7th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: A friend, who I will call “Ashley,” has a lot of freedom. Her parents have told her to trust her own judgment regarding sex and her body. She usually makes good decisions but there is one thing we are arguing about because I think it could be harmful. She wants to take the birth control pill that eliminates your menstrual cycle. She is 17. I know it would be convenient but what if it made her sterile or messed up her hormones down the road? — Ashley’s friend
From Bird, 17: Her body is her choice, but eliminating your period is unhealthy. She should be fully educated before making this choice.
From Nicole, 17: Stop your friend immediately. If she has pain, she should go to a doctor to see if her pain is out of the ordinary. If it’s not, she needs to deal with her body’s cycle.
From Nick, 19: I’m not so fortunate to have ovaries, but anything that interferes with the body’s natural cycle to that degree is bad news bears in my book.
From Lennon, 21: If I was a woman, I’d worry that I was pregnant. For that reason, not having your period would seem more stressful than having it.
From Mary, 17: I’ll let you in on a secret. You can push, you can give facts, but it comes down to what she wants to do. So stand behind her while letting her know how you feel about it. I do this all the time with my friends. Just relax, things will be okay.
From Farren, 20: You can already block your period with regular birth control pills through continuous use. It’s a pretty popular trend to block your period this way. I’ve heard of the pill that gives you four “seasonal” periods a year and the new one that suppresses it entirely. Obviously it’s silly that we can control what is supposed to be “nature.” However, for women who have painful side effects, this may be best for them. I don’t think every teen should jump on the bandwagon, but if your friend has heavy periods or painful side effects, it might help her out. The point of the pill is to trick your body into thinking you’re pregnant, so obviously, it can change your moods or make you gain weight, but regarding messing up her hormones or making her sterile, women have been on the pill for 10 to 15 years and they are able to have children. I would let this one go. If your friend’s body reacts adversely, she will stop on her own.
Dear Friend: First, natural breasts aren’t good enough. Now the menstrual cycle is a nuisance! Very few women have problems with their menstrual cycle, but many are buying the pitch for convenience making menstrual suppression a multi-million dollar industry. Farren is correct that about 20 percent of women have suppressed their menstrual cycles through “continuous cycling” of birth control pills. The new pills, “Lybrel” and “Seasonale” simply legitimize the idea, and are thought to be no riskier than regular birth control pills which have been used since the 1960s.
I’m not old-fashioned, but I do care about long-term radiant health. As such, I have a solid mistrust of ingesting synthetic hormones to “fix” something that “ain’t broke.” Natural menstrual suppression, which occurs in pregnant and nursing mothers, involves natural hormones which have properties distinct from synthetic hormones. Every time we fool Mother Nature, we subject ourselves to the Law of Unintended Consequences — as menopausal women sold on synthetic hormones found out the hard way. The future will tell what the unintended consequences of artificial menstrual suppression will be. I place my bets with Mother Nature and urge my female readers to do the same.
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October 26th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: Regarding last week’s column on abortion, I know that if I got pregnant and wanted an abortion I would be too scared to tell my parents. But the fact is you shouldn’t be able to “erase” your mistakes with an abortion without at least facing the consequence of telling your parents. They aren’t going to be happy about it, but they need to know what you’re doing.
I think Proposition 73, which would require doctors to notify parents 48 hours before performing an abortion on a minor, will cause a lot more responsible action on the part of teens. That will be a good thing because if you take responsible action such as using a condom, taking the morning-after pill if the condom breaks, or, if you’re sexually active, getting on the pill, you will never need an abortion.
Girls have so many opportunities to have sex without pregnancy. On any college campus or county health clinic you can get free condoms, free pills—or if you forget to take pills, there’s the free birth control shot you can get every three months.
The main thing though is to wait before having sex. Take responsibility to get to know the guy. The majority of girls regret who they’ve had sex with because once they get to know him better they realize they’re not in love after all. It usually takes about two months of going out with a guy before the infatuation wears off and you see him accurately.—Brittney, 16
Dear Brittney: I wish we could bottle your sense of responsibility. I know a number of fully grown women who could use it, not just teens.
Your desire for boundaries and consequences around pregnancy is healthy. Even with something as scary as confessing to your parents that you are pregnant and want an abortion, it sounds like you would welcome a law requiring you to do that. That is because you have parents who would still love you after the shock wore off.
Sadly, there are parents out there of a different stripe—most of whom were themselves abused as children—and a girl facing them with this kind of information would be unsafe. This is why, even as I advise girls to tell at least one parent if they are pregnant, I do not support parental notification becoming a law.
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