Archive for the ‘pornography’ Category
May 2nd, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: After reading about the “no big deal” attitude many teens expressed toward online pornography, I’d like to share my son’s experience—which was a big deal. “Jason” was 14 when I found porn sites on the computer history. As I clicked each site, I was bombarded by explicit photos and was encouraged to make another click, whereupon a hardcore video began playing.
Let me just say this: I’m no prude. I grew up in the 1970s and there is very little that shocks me. But this was hardcore like I’ve never even thought about, much less seen. After my husband and I watched the videos, we decided to watch them again with Jason so we could let him know this is not what “being adult” means. Jason began crying uncontrollably and begged us to stop. We thought he was going to vomit so we turned it off.
We stressed to him that he was a perfectly healthy male to have clicked the pop-ups (that had flashed repeatedly while he was online). We also assured him that these images are not what sex is about, that something much more special is in store for him.
Needless to say, we have a new password, without a hint (that’s how he cracked it originally), and when Jason needs to use the computer we type it in. It’s worth the trouble.—Folsom Mom
Dear Folsom: I admire your family courage. Most parents shrink from the topic, partly because it’s taboo, and partly because porn pop-ups target teen sites leaving parents clueless as to the volume and hardness of online porn.
Like you said, what healthy adolescent male wouldn’t click the pop-ups? Girls are curious, too, and it’s naïve to think any teen 16 to 17 years old hasn’t seen porn—with many viewing it by age ten. Unless people take political action in droves, I don’t expect things to change soon. The internet is like a large city where the biggest industry is pornography. While children roam its streets unattended, most parents have their heads in the sand and lawmakers are too bewildered to blow the whistle.
I say your son is lucky. Most teens have seen more than he, yet most parents never (ever!) discuss porn with their kids. Locks, passwords, filters, they work to some degree, but the fact is, internet access is everywhere, mostly unlocked.
I spoke to my advanced class of teens about your letter and the conversation went something like this:
Allen, 16: The kid almost barfed because there are some things you never (ever!) do with your parents. Hard to say what was more traumatic: the porn or that.
Mike, 15: But it probably worked to keep him away from porn—at least for awhile. He’ll see it again though; it’s everywhere.
Jayna, 13: Porn can’t be good for young people, it isn’t good, but it’s everywhere. Parents make a big deal out of it, but some of my friends watch it and they seem normal. I don’t watch it because my dad would kill me.
Allen, 16: You’re born knowing what love is. Anybody knows porn isn’t love.
Mike, 15: Yeah, if it’s on the internet, it’s not love.
Allen, 16: It’s not even normal sex. Neither are gratuitous sex scenes in movies. Movies promote porn.
Charles, 18: If I had a ten-year-old kid I would talk to him about porn. I’d let him know it’s out there and tell him what it is and what it isn’t.
Allen, 16: My mom talked to my brother and me about it. Parents need to have this talk with their kid, just like they need to give their kid the sex talk.
Parents: It’s me again. I urge you to warn your children about pornography in the same matter-of-fact way that you warn them about cigarettes. It’s equally common and accessible with the same potential to be unhealthy and addicting.
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March 7th, 2007
Dear Readers: Last week “H. K.” asked how the availability of pornography is affecting today’s youth. Because of the veritable omnipresence of the Internet (if not at your place, then mine), I was unable to find teens who have not seen porn in order to make a comparison. I’m still getting over my shock at the nonchalant attitude many teens have toward it.
While I find it troubling that teens and pre-teens are viewing porn, accidental or otherwise, most of them say it’s “no big deal.” I attribute this to the natural tendency to see one’s youth in a positive light. Among many examples, I know a woman who refuses to consider that being french-kissed by her drunken stepfather when she was 14, 15, and 16, was a negative thing. I also know a man who stubbornly recalls as a positive experience his father breaking his sternum when he was a teen. This coping mechanism may be useful but should not detract from our responsibility as adults to protect our children from the pornographic industry.
Here are the teen responses I promised:
From Mary, 16: I was 12 when I first saw porn. I looked at it artistically so it didn’t really affect me. I mean it’s just people. I see tons of porn accidentally on the Internet all the time. I’m trying to find stuff and it’s like: PORN!!! To me, porn is not that big of a deal. People seem to think it burns into your mind, but it’s really nothing. When I first saw porn accidentally, most kids were looking for it, so you’re going to see it one way or the other. But I do think under 12 is too young to see porn. Porn did not give me a warped view of either love or sex. Love and sex are whatever you make them to be; they have nothing to do with porn.
From Farren, 19: I was 10 when I first saw a pornographic image. I don’t remember being shocked by the image, but I was really curious about sex after that. I had never imagined sex like it was depicted. I don’t think I was affected in a bad way, it just opened my eyes. As a college student, accidental viewings of porn are frequent. A lot of legitimate websites that I use show ads for porn. Earlier in life I thought about the images and they were hard to get out of my head, but as I figured out what sex was and why porn is such a big industry, they weren’t a big deal anymore. I’ve never confused sex and love and I never found sex to be love’s equal.
Overall, I’m glad I was exposed to the images. I never thought they were something bad or dirty to look at. If anything I was more brainwashed by watching sex on TV, with everything so perfect, than by watching pornography.
From Geoff, 21: I first saw porn online shortly after the advent of the Internet. I was about 10 years old at a friend’s birthday party. For me, it’s just another part of life. Sex sells in real life and virtual life. Since I saw porn before I experienced sex, it’s impossible to say how it has affected me. For the same reason, it is hard to ask myself if I regret seeing it. If anything, I’m glad. Porn made sex and my body seem natural. And sex is still more satisfying than say, masturbating to porn. And of course, love is still love.
From Lennon, 20: My first experience with porn was in Alaska on a fishing trip. I was 15 and a Playboy-type magazine was circulating among the older guys. Everybody acted like it was a normal thing, so I acted that way, too, even though I was nervous. I never did flip through the magazine, just took fleeting glances. We had just gotten the Internet at home, so out of curiosity, I looked up porn only to be repulsed. I haven’t repeated that behavior for longer than I can remember.
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February 28th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I just read that 42 percent of teenagers have seen online pornography in the last year. Two-thirds of the viewings were reported as accidental. I’m 47 and I remember vividly the first pornographic image I saw of two people having sex. I was 18 and it was accidental also, (magazine pages lying on a trail). Prior to that, I had seen things like Playboy, but hard-corn porn was simply not accessible. Now it is the largest industry on the internet. I can’t help but wonder how this affects our young people. Could you and your teen panel respond to this? I feel it is a subject of concern to many. Thank you in advance.—H.K.
Dear H.K.: Anybody reading this who is over 30 probably didn’t find XXX in their alphabet soup. Until ten years ago, seeing porn took effort. Not only were you carded for age, but there was a stigma in emerging from an adult theater, store, or the curtained-off section of the video mart. Clearly, it wasn’t for children.
The information highway has changed all that. Sex has always been what sells, but with the internet as a low-cost marketing and distribution tool, sex is being aggressively and repeatedly splashed onto our computer screens—especially at sites frequented by teens—using the sleaziest of tactics. Under the protection of the fourth amendment, sex is being trafficked to any body at any age for the simple reason that accidental viewings translate into intentional viewings which translate into a multi-billion dollar industry that has doubled in size in the last five years. Needless to say, our ride on the internet has been pimped.
Are children harmed by watching hard-core porn? Frankly, I find it disturbing that society is asking this question. Of course XXX-rated material is unhealthy for children. Why else do adults painstakingly keep their sex lives discreet around their children? We don’t need to wait for 30-year studies to tell us this.
The research you cite, published in February’s Pediatrics, is based on phone interviews with 1500 internet users ages 10 through 17. Regarding the effect porn is having on young people, I passed your question on to the teen panel and was taken aback by their responses. Maybe the age of innocence has already been killed off. (Death by desensitization?) Or maybe today’s youth are simply resilient. What I really think is going on is that youth will take what is given and make the most of it. And they have been given porn.
Regardless of the casual, even upbeat attitude many teens have toward porn, if we can inspect every shoe from every airline passenger, we can certainly inspect and rate internet content at the source. Our children deserve a healthier soup than what is being dished up.
I only have space today to print one teen response. This teen is as taken aback as I am about how commonplace porn is to her peers. I will print more responses next week.
From Taylor, 17: I saw my first pornographic image when I was 15 in a computer class at a public high school. Some boys found the image—intentionally—and I turned around and saw it. It was so shocking it remains etched in my memory. I’m now at a private high school (not for that reason—I’ve never discussed the topic of porn with my parents) and unlike most of my friends, I don’t use computers much so I don’t see much porn. However, my peers do. It’s everywhere. I can’t imagine a 17-year-old who hasn’t seen it.
To give you an idea of things, I was at a party recently for someone turning 18 and there were about 15 kids there from my school. Toward the end of the party somebody put hard-core porn on the TV. Everyone was totally casual about it, like it was absolutely no big deal. It was just part of the scenery, nobody was riveted to it, but nobody was repelled either. I seemed to be the only person bothered by it and I left the party.
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