Archive for the ‘obesity & eating disorders’ Category
October 31st, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I appreciate your straight-forward response to “Megan’s dad” whose 19-year-old daughter is 50 pounds overweight. You are right that obesity is a disease, and while some may “accept” their weight, none are “happy” about it. But using rewards, as some on the teen panel suggested, won’t work. Diets, liposuction, having your stomach stapled, these won’t work either. Being overweight is caused by overeating and nothing will work, long-term, until a person faces the underlying issues of why he or she is overeating.
When I first saw things clearly, I was in a group with others who had problems with food. Being neither bulimic nor anorexic, the facilitator labeled me a “compulsive overeater.” I said, “I am not an overeater.” She replied, “You eat more than you need, you eat when you’re not hungry, you eat to point of discomfort, and you eat to stuff your feelings.”
I left there crying. She was right. I did all those things. I used food as a way to avoid my feelings and hide my stress. My husband and I had our drugs of choice: after work, we would be in the kitchen, he, drinking beer and I, eating. As with alcohol, when you eat to the point of being stuffed (meaning intoxicated) it’s difficult to be in touch with other feelings. This numbing effect is why you do it. Because overeating is an addiction, nothing really cures it other than programs like Overeaters Anonymous (OA) that follow the 12-steps to recovery. — Please tell your readers
Dear Please tell: Gladly. Overeaters Anonymous has a slogan: “It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating you.” The story of your awakening is powerful and I hope others see themselves in it. Getting past denial is the first step to recovery in any addiction.
According to the Center for Disease Control, from 1980 to 2004, obesity among adults doubled from 15 to 33 percent, while overweight among children tripled from six to 18 percent. In other words, if overeating was alcoholism, one out of three adults would be stumbling drunk (obese) and one out of five kids would be tipsy (overweight).
It is well known that hanging out with a drinker or smoker often leads to becoming one. New research shows that being around an overeater has the same effect. (Parents, if you need a compelling reason to quit, here it is.) Addictions clearly have a contagious quality.
Being overweight or obese has huge negative impact on one’s social, emotional, and physical health. Overeaters Anonymous’ 12-step program focuses on admitting you have a problem, taking moral inventory of your life, and healing the addiction at its roots. Meetings are free in every town. Visit www.oa.org or find “Overeaters Anonymous” in the business listings of your phone book.
I’d like my readers to take this test from OA. If you answer yes to three or more questions, you are very likely a compulsive overeater.
• Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
• Do you binge for no apparent reason?
• Do you plan binges ahead of time?
• Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
• Do you give too much time and thought to food?
• Do you look forward to times when you can eat alone?
• Do you eat less around others and make up for it later?
• Is your weight affecting your life?
• Have you tried dieting only to fall short?
• Do you assert that you can cut back on food “whenever you want?”
• Do you resent being told to “use willpower” to stop overeating?
• Do you crave eating at a certain time, other than mealtime?
• Do you eat to escape worries or trouble?
• Have you ever been treated for a food-related condition?
• Do your eating habits make you or others unhappy?
Comment on this column »
September 19th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: My 19-year-old daughter, “Megan,” attends college a few hours away. The problem is she is 50 pounds overweight. She’s been overweight for several years, but never to this degree. I’m worried about her health, but no matter what I say, she shows no motivation to lose weight. On both sides of her lineage there are morbidly obese women and I fear she is heading down this road. I’m at a loss as to how to get through to her. — Megan’s dad (not overweight and a regular exerciser)
From Farren, 19: Motivation is the key to losing weight. Gym memberships, cute clothes, stripping the pantry of junk food: nothing will work unless a person is motivated in the first place. Approach your daughter again. Let her know you love her unconditionally and because of that, and the family’s medical history, you are worried about her. Then, set up a support system and a reward system. Sometimes motivation needs a nudge. Get her a gym membership, set some goals together, and reward met goals by buying her something she’s really been wanting.
From Johannes, 20: Just love and support your daughter. Nothing can be accomplished unless she is internally motivated. Perhaps the 3-day Landmark Forum (www.landmarkeducation.com) would give her the spark she needs. People close to me have had terrific results.
From Nicole, 17: I doubt there is anything you can say or do that will make Megan dramatically change her diet. Hopefully she will have a self realization and will want to change. Continuing to bring it up will probably just make her defensive and no progress will be made.
From Mary, 17: There is nothing you can do so sit on your hands. She is an adult and it’s up to her.
From Mariah, 15: Maybe Megan doesn’t see herself as overweight, and likes the way she is.
Dear Megan’s dad: Many overweight or obese people will look you straight in the eye and tell you they like the way they are. It is a lie they tell themselves. Obesity is a disease and I take a truthful, proactive stance on it. I disagree with many on the teen panel who say there is nothing you can do. Internal motivation is triggered in many ways and you, as Megan’s parent, are one of the biggest triggers she has — even as she is a legal adult living away from home. Several times my parents said things to me in my twenties that motivated me to alter my course. Did I want to hear those things? Of course not. They required work.
How you talk to your daughter is crucial. Pick your moments carefully. Don’t be overbearing, forceful, or lay blame. Be friendly and loving in a non-cloying way, while at the same time, be factual and truthful about the ramifications of being overweight. Stay in communication and keep finding those moments. Don’t give up. Your concern is a form of love.
Setting up a support/reward system is also a great idea, as is sending your daughter to a Landmark Forum. I, too, have heard nothing but terrific reports from participants of this personal growth workshop.
Comment on this column »
February 21st, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I think this is the most wonderful column! I learn to appreciate the thoughts of both parents and kids. I’m writing regarding the letter from “Fat in Folsom,” the mother who was overweight and whose daughter had a fat tummy. I need to lose a few pounds, too, but when my nine-year-old daughter started skipping meals because she was “too fat”—when she had only a little tummy bulge—that did it! I bought the family an exercise ball. Besides having fun, we are all working on that tummy. We also started family walks with the dog and this, too, as been fun.—Battling the bulge
Dear Battling the bulge: I’m glad you took action rather than contradicting her concern by telling her how perfectly fine she looks. Kids really do hate being fat and really do want help with it. What is essential is exercise, which is one of the hardest things to self-start. Skipping meals (or, down the road, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes) is a much easier approach. I want to share the mental and physical steps Farren is taking in her quest for fitness. I would also like to recall Peter’s experience (see “Walking it off, all 50 pounds” 5-11-2005 on the website). Peter began walking two miles a day to school and back. Parts of the walk were uphill and he often had to hustle. He went from 230 pounds at 5-foot 4 as a seventh grader, to 170 pounds at 6-feet as a senior. He did not do sports, just walked.
From Farren, 19: I can absolutely relate to having a fat tummy. I wouldn’t call myself fat, but when I look in the mirror my stomach isn’t where I’d like it to be. Since I was a young girl I have been embarrassed to wear bikinis or tops that cling to my form. As I got older and cared more about my image, the embarrassment became worse.
Recently I decided to boost my self-image by getting rid of the tummy. The first thing that helped was shopping for clothes that naturally hid my tummy and were pleasing and well-tailored for my body type. It takes time and practice to figure out what looks good on you and what doesn’t. Secondly, I realized that no matter how many magazines say you can have a flat stomach in six weeks doing crunches, it is completely ridiculous. Yes, maybe if you have no fat there to begin with, but for those of us with a flabby stomach the only way to a flat stomach is to do cardio and burn the fat that is already there.
I decided to start running a mile a day. I hate running, so getting on the treadmill was seriously huge for me. After a couple of weeks, I decided to run two miles a day (this is 30 minutes on the treadmill going about four miles an hour—not quite running, not quite walking). Within two weeks I saw an amazing change in my body. Not only did I lose three pounds, but my butt was firmer and my midsection was shrinking.
With this new boost, I quit drinking soda and exchanged my potato chips for whole-wheat crackers and fruits. While I still have a soda occasionally—once or twice a week—I have replaced most of them with water. I’m not going to lie: At first I wanted to go buy a box of donuts from Winchell’s! But I kept at it, and after five weeks I had lost six pounds. It doesn’t sound like much, but you can definitely tell when you look in the mirror.
Sometimes I take a day off the treadmill and sometimes I cheat at In N Out, but I no longer crave the sweets or starchy foods I once loved. When I’m running, I see myself in a bikini and say to myself, “Geeze I’m sexy!”
Comment on this column »
