Give 18-year-old senior trial adulthood
December 7th, 2005Dear Straight Talk: My daughter “Jayna” is 18 and will graduate in June. She’s been accepted into college and her father and I insisted she save $3000 to help with costs. Last summer she earned $900 and instead of saving it, she spent it on purses, clothes, highlights, permanents—all top end. We hit the ceiling and now she accuses us of “running her life”. She has been lying and breaking the rules and won’t speak to us. Jayna is a good kid by modern standards, she avoids trouble and does well in school, but I’m at a loss with this behavior. Her peers operate the same way, getting money from their parents to buy expensive merchandise. What should we do? How is this generation ever going to learn self-sufficiency?—Granite Bay
Dear Granite Bay: Rudely. This generation, upon leaving the well-fluffed middle class nest, is having a tough time. So tough it’s being dubbed the “quarter-life crisis”. Middle class kids have never learned what a dollar is, much less how to stretch it.
Since Jayna is 18 and has proven herself socially responsible, here is a concept that should awaken her fiscally. I’ve seen it work beautifully, but you’ll have to decide if you are ready for it.
The idea is to give her a trial adulthood. You, the parents, no longer harp about cell phone minutes, what time she wakes up, what time she goes to bed, when she comes in. The only rule is that she stays out of trouble, keeps her grades up, and lets you know where she is. Provide a budget that includes the realistic, but bare, essentials: gas, clothes, phone, haircuts, lunches, a couple of movies, but if she wants pants from Abercrombie, her hair colored for $150, or puts 5000 text messages on her cell, that is her problem to solve.
Make sure to present this as promotion, not fiscal penalty. It’s a trial opportunity to be CEO and CFO of her life. Within a couple months, expect her to be talking your ear off, like a kid home from college.
