June 4th, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Since seventh grade, our 17-year-old son has been entrenched in the video game, World of Warcraft. On school days, he plays 4 hours a day, on non-school days, 8 to12 hours. I’m hesitant to forcibly take the game away because he’s so close to legal adulthood and I believe it’s important that he make the choice to moderate or stop himself. His father and I have taken the tactic of “coaching” rather than dictating. I can’t say it’s working — he has lost his social life, lost motivation for other activities, and is flunking his classes — but we wanted him to “fail” in the safe environment of home, hoping he would see the benefit of giving up the game. Unfortunately, he’s good at WoW, which adds to his desire to play because now it’s the only place he feels successful. Any suggestions on how to help my son?
Carmichael, CA
Beau, 18
In moderation, MMO (massive multiplayer online) games like WoW can relieve stress, however they can be extremely addicting. MMOs let you upgrade yourself in ways you can’t in real life. You essentially become your dream self. Your son is surely addicted to that feeling and has adapted to getting his confidence only through the game. I experienced a low-key addiction to an MMO, but after realizing what was happening, I became determined to extend my confidence to real-life situations.
Peter, 20
I’d say: “You live in our house, you abide by our rules, regardless of your age.” If he gets huffy, tell him he’s welcome to rent his own apartment and game all he wants. At the minimum, make him pay game-related costs (high-speed computer, WoW subscription, phone, internet). To do that, he needs a job. And to get a job, he needs passing grades. I used to game non-stop, too, then life got “real” and I quit.
Nicole, 18
I despise this game. I would immediately take away his computer, no exceptions. He is acting like a little boy.
Kendal, 21
You should have enforced moderation in seventh grade. Letting him “fail” at home because it’s “safe” is crippling him. Parents are supposed to be guides in life, not fellow tourists. Statistics show that most successful children grow up in authoritative (note: not authoritarian) households. So, be authoritative and set boundaries. At the same time, give your son positive reinforcement. Don’t ask why he doesn’t have friends, or why he doesn’t talk to so-and-so anymore. These questions make a socially shy person feel even more inadequate and rejected.
Geoff, 22
The online worlds of MMOs are foundational for many young people, and parents need to understand the appeal. As a player, you are living the most explicit way possible: trekking across haunted deserts with your guild, exploring ancient tombs of forgotten races, brewing beers for fellow players, playing an active part in a dynamic economy. In high school I gamed similar hours as your son — yes, I also did ‘extracurriculars’ and made honor role — but I don’t agree that gaming is addictive. I mean, why not play these games in high school when you still can play games? Now I have no time for gaming — instead I enjoy the freedom not possible in high school: real life.
DEAR CARMICHAEL: Don’t get me going. Gaming is highly addicting, just like drugs, alcohol, or gambling. In fact, many gamers consider WoW the “meth” of video games. Some boys like Geoff, Peter, and Beau, can game heavily, maintain balance, and stop on their own. However, countless boys — your son included — cannot. They are flunking school, flunking life. It’s a global problem and the gaming industry spares no expense on propaganda to convince society otherwise. Peter, Nicole, and Kendal offer great ideas on how to intervene. Your son needs you to do it. More panel comments are on the website.
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July 26th, 2006
Dear Readers: Two weeks ago I printed letters in defense of video gaming. Today the other side has the floor.
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 17 and I suspect that the people who wrote in favor of video games have been gaming from such a young age that they can’t really compare how they would be without it.
I know the difference because I grew up media free. Then, at age 14, my brothers and I were given unlimited access to Xbox and computer games and we became hugely addicted.
Two years later, I got off it. It was a struggle because my life revolved around it, but I forced myself. My brothers, however, kept playing non-stop. They both had huge personality shifts. My older brother used to be very social and now he’s not. He gets annoyed easily and has no motivation. My younger brother used to be calm and steady and now he’s wound up and angry.
My dad refused to set limits. Then I found Dr. Mori’s research on “game brain”, about how gaming two to seven hours a day causes loss of beta wave activity in the front brain—resulting in anger, lack of concentration, and socialization issues—exactly what my brothers had.
It woke my dad up and he has declared a full moratorium on computer games. He removed the Xbox controls and took away the keyboard to the computer.—Folsom
Dear Straight Talk: I was a computer game addict for three years. When I look back, it was like being dead. It does affect you, regardless of what the game addicts like to say.—Been there, UC Davis
Dear Straight Talk: Since my brothers got an Xbox two years ago, I hardly see them. “Joe” who is 15, plays a lot of violent games and he is always angry. “Zach” who is 17, plays the same games and it doesn’t make him angry, but he used to always have friends over and now he doesn’t. It’s like living in a before-and-after picture. I wish my parents would set rules so my brothers could go back to the “before” and be themselves again.—“Emma”, 13
Dear Straight Talk: Computer games are fun, but I know they’re bad for me. I get snappy when I play a lot. It’s partly from staying up too late and eating garbage, but I used to have lots of ideas and energy and now I can’t think of anything except gaming.—Age 15
Dear Straight Talk: I suppose computer games are an outlet for kids, as two letters defending video games stated, but alcohol and drugs are outlets, too, and I no more support kids frying their brains on computer games than I do letting them fry on drugs and booze. I’m a high school teacher and it’s not hard to identify the kids who do a lot of gaming. Remove this medium and kids will seek healthy outlets like athletics, politics, art, music, drama.—No name please
Dear Straight Talk: My son, “Nick”, started playing video games at 12. By the time he was 15 he hardly did anything else. His grades had dropped, he was fidgety and rude and had developed an anger problem.
I do honestly believe video games were responsible for my son’s change in behavior—it was not just an easy thing to blame, as one letter in favor of video games suggested.
While Nick was showering, I came through his room looking for laundry. Instead of dirty socks, I threw his computer into the basket and dumped it into the deep end of the pool.—M.L., Auburn
Dear Straight Talk: I handled the problem by throwing my sons’ Nintendo out the window and down the hill.—Cathy, Lincoln
Dear Readers: There really are 50 ways! Thank you all for writing.
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July 12th, 2006
Dear Readers: Last week’s column on video games stimulated a rash of mail—many in defense of video games. Stay tuned for the other side of the story.
Dear Straight Talk: While I believe many teens are playing video games and watching TV excessively, I don’t feel it is the cause of teen anger, lack of drive, or social disconnection. Rather, I feel it is an outlet for those things. If parents really believed video games were the problem they would have already solved it by taking away the gaming system and not allowing their teen to visit friends who game. It’s really not hard to take control in that type of situation.
If parents spent more time with their children and knew what was going on with them they would link their child’s behavior to ADD, ADHD, depression, or problems at home and school. Video games are just the easiest thing to blame.—F.F., College student
Dear Straight Talk: Akio Mori’s research concluding that video games cause a lack of beta brainwaves in the frontal brain is ridiculous. Many of his claims are disputed—especially that it is a permanent condition.—No name
Dear Straight Talk: Having been addicted to TV and video games from age 5 to 16, I think ‘video game addiction’ comes from a wanting to be a part of something greater than yourself. Having friends, playing sports, being a work-a-holic, all stem from this same wanting. As a gamer, I understand the draw, the ease, the accessibility of being in a community without prejudice of any kind (unless I’m really bad at the game, of course).
I agree, kids spend too much time in front of the computers/consoles and spending more time outside would be good for them, but beyond getting exercise and sunshine, what is it we really want for them? We want them to bond with their siblings, make friends, create lasting memories—in essence, we want them to interact with the world.
But the world is changing in terms of how we interact—there’s MySpace, online communications, cell phones, Instant Messenger. Is this creating a generation of depressed, isolated, angry teenagers? Maybe, but are we any worse than past generations of the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s or 90s? I think the jury is still out.—UC Berkeley
Dear Straight Talk: One of the problems is that parents aren’t part of the gaming world. I grew up watching my mother play Super Mario Brothers on the original 1980’s Nintendo. Soon I was playing with her. My sister grew up watching me play video games and soon she and I played together (to this day, we still enjoy turning on our old Super Nintendo and playing a game together). Are she and I any less creative, intelligent, or outgoing than our peers? I don’t think so.
One suggestion to parents is to try to interact in this world; try to play a game with your kid, even if you’re terrible. On XBOX-Live my college friends and I often play against 13-year-olds and their fathers.—age 21
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