Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

You can’t change another person’s mind. You can present facts rationally, you can be passionate, but you won’t change someone who believes they are right. That’s why voting is so important. Make sure you vote, and encourage your friends to vote. My dad and I agree on most things, except a certain social issue. I can’t change his perspective (I’ve tried), but I can vote to offset his vote. That’s why even one small vote is important; everyone makes a difference.

My parents are open-minded, but lots of older relatives and family friends vote strictly down party lines. It’s impossible to converse with them because they simply restate their position over and over and don’t think much. For example, I asked a family friend which VP candidate he thought was more qualified. His reply: “I know which one I’d like to sleep with.” The problem is people only listen to who they are voting for. No one listens to the other side. Very few know how to have a conversation where the goal is not to rebut everything and “win” as fast as possible. Start small. Practice dialoging around less important disagreements. Be the leader. Don’t think of comebacks before they finish talking. Listen. Ask clarifying questions. Avoid generalizations and stereotypes. Offer books and articles you find inspiring.

Is converting two people to your views worth breaking up your family? You say you don’t want to be quiet, but you must try. Don’t silence everything, but say less, and say it calmly. Print out information about your candidate, state what issues are important to you, agree to disagree, then, change the subject.

My parents and I have totally different political opinions, too. I tried forever to change/open their minds but now I don’t talk to them about politics. We just agree to disagree — it’s better than starting a fight. Bring them a column on global warming from a science magazine so they can read it themselves.

When I discuss ballot issues with my family I always remind myself that for the discussion to benefit both sides, both sides need to be open. Try looking up points you are unsure of and share what you find.

The problem is most parents only have time to get information from a few sources: the local paper, Fox, CNBC, etc., so, whenever I can, I email or clip my dad a story. My parents raised me to be open-minded. They avoided using words like “never” and “always” because the world — including Obama and McCain — is more complicated than that. Having genuine communication about politics with those who think differently requires maturity. You can’t yell or tell people how wrong or backward their views are. Be patient, calm, and ask probing questions.

I have many friends of both sexes who sleep together and do not have sex. Sure it happens sometimes, but that doesn’t mean all teenagers are sex-crazed. Some teenagers really are JUST friends with the opposite sex and have no intention to sleep with them in the sense you mean. Usually nothing ever happens because the guy is gay or he needs a place to crash and ends up with a good friend who happens to be female. Most of my friends are male and I don’t see the big deal of having a non-sexual relationship with them.

It is different in every situation, but friends of the opposite sex CAN sleep in the same bed together without having sex. Even promiscuous people are not always at fault. This is a very flirtatious generation that most adults don’t understand. If you see your teen flirting with someone don’t automatically assume something is going on.

There are situations where the guys and girls are just friends. But it can be hard to completely stay away from having something sexual creep in. In many cases, we’d be lying to say it’s strictly friends.

I find it offensive that just because we’re teens you assume we are having sex all the time. Could you be any more judgmental? I have quite a few guy friends who I feel totally comfortable sleeping over with — and we’re not having sex, we’re talking! Did you have sex every time you spent the night at a guy friend’s house?

I go camping with my boyfriend and his family, and usually there are eight or nine teenagers spending all day and night with each other. Nothing happens between either friends or couples because parents have said if we are caught doing anything, we all go home and there’s no more camping. But they give us the opportunity to prove that we can be trusted. If parents make the limits clear, and provide strong consequences, the situation is under control.

Males and females sleep together a lot and nothing happens. Co-ed sleeping isn’t so much the problem, it’s the drinking and smoking that needs to be monitored. Yes, sex happens sometimes, but at least when it does, we’re educated. We didn’t do what your generation did! There was so much sex in the 60s and 70s, most of it unprotected. All our STDs come from you guys! When it comes down to it, the sex education we’ve been given brings in a huge amount of safety.

It depends on the kids. They could very likely be just friends and really have nothing going on. It really does happen a lot. However, the fact that there aren’t parents home is a red flag. Not that parental supervision insures that there are no sexual activities, but it’s definitely a mood-killer. Your friend needs to be a bit more realistic and make sure there’s parental supervision. And you need to mind your own business.

My first “stepmom,” “Carmen,” was always trying to act young and popular and would hang out with me and my sisters like she was a teenager herself. It came off as really fake. She constantly interrupted conversations I was having with my dad leaving me almost no one-on-one time with him. She did lots of inappropriate things, too, like showing me her lingerie, talking bad about my mom, taking favorites among us kids, and expecting her daughter and me to be “best friends.” Also, my bedroom was next to theirs and there was no regard for the fact that I could hear them having their “fun.” Finally, when they broke up, she wanted the gifts she had given me back.

The second one, “Molly,” had no kids of her own, and was always pushing her opinions, telling us how to be feminine, giving us tips on how to live. (Never try to mimic a real mother!) She was always interrupting me, wanted me to look at websites she was interested in and be her entertainment when my dad was gone. She was a great cook, however, which was a real plus.

The third, “Jasmine,” is the best. She’s not too pushy, she doesn’t try to be our mom, she’s open to doing things with us but she doesn’t feel bad if we don’t want to.

Hot tip: All three talk, or talked, way too much! Notice when our eyes glaze over and don’t drag conversations out.

When my stepmother entered the picture, it took forever to get used to her. Take it slow, give the kids space to breath — while ensuring them you’re there. Leave disciplinary actions to the real parents. I never listened when my stepmom yelled at me. The best thing my stepmother did was to be a friend I could talk to rather than a parent. With this approach, I grew to respect her and she eventually became one of my best friends.

When my dad remarried, I was explicit that his wife was not my mother and never would be. It wasn’t anything against her; I just didn’t want anybody trying to fill that role. Once we were clear on this, she and I got along swimmingly. Take the role of a friend or mentor and don’t take it personally if the kids don’t warm up to you completely.

My father’s girlfriend does not try to be our mother. She’s open to the way we’ve always lived, helps out, is friendly and available if you need advice, and offers rides to whoever needs them. She does talk a lot, though, and sometimes I wish I could escape. The best thing is she does not feel like WE have to adapt to HER. You’re the newcomer, accept the kids as they are, don’t try to change things. Little things, like moving plates around in cabinets, can really bug us.

Both of my parents remarried when I was in my teens and there were many awkward power struggles. Don’t instruct, just be a role model. Create a loving, patient, and supportive environment, be a unified front with their dad, and don’t try to replace their mother.