April 23rd, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I don’t get why everyone thinks emos are so bad. We are people, too, and we deserve the same love and respect everyone else gets. It’s not right how we are put down and even beat up for it. We are already emo enough! This just makes it worse. It makes us do things to ourselves that we don’t want to do. Why do people do that?
Breanna
Laura, 21
First of all, no one “makes” you do anything, you do that all on your own. Secondly, why should anyone give you “love and respect” if you don’t love and respect yourself? Many people see emos as self-pitying whiners with no extraordinary problems who are ungrateful for the life they are given. They wallow in misery because they want attention and enjoy feeling sorry for themselves. That may be an unfair generalization, but a cultural movement that glorifies cutting and other self-destructive behaviors does not deserve respect.
Taylor, 19
Regardless of your problems, if you’re cutting as a solution it will bring you negative attention. I don’t make fun of people who cut. I talk to them about it, and it seems to make them feel better. Next time you feel put down or unloved, talk to someone, focus on what you are grateful for.
Ashley, 20
Being emo is all for attention, and that’s what you’re getting. Being emo is feeling sorry for yourself, and that’s what you’re creating. What we think and feel we create in our life. Hate crimes should not be tolerated, but emos bring it on themselves. You need to find an outlet so you can happy again.
Megan, 19
Your complaint about emos getting beat up and ridiculed goes for every group of stereotyped individuals. Some people lash out at those they don’t understand. They are just ignorant. Regardless, if you are “doing things to yourself that you don’t want to do” you can’t really blame anyone else.
Nicole, 18
People diss you because it upsets you and they get amusement from that. Don’t take it personally. People pick on others when they see something they resent in themselves.
Emily, 15
Emos already feel bad about themselves and I agree that dissing them makes the situation worse. Many emos come from wealthy families with big shoes to fill. A natural response is to rebel and/or become depressed. But the way emos do it is too radical to accept. Another reason people abuse emos is because (except for their music and writing) they are quiet. Like the nerd in the corner, they keep their verbal thoughts to themselves. One’s bark is bigger than one’s bite, and with no bark, one is more likely to get beat up. I wish parents would talk more with their kids. I, too, become depressed when I’m stressed, and talking with my mom totally lightens my emotional load.
DEAR BREANNA: Sorry dear, but those who understand the emo trend find it difficult to respect. I say that with full respect for you as an individual. However, most people don’t see you. They see the tight black clothes, the black hair covering one eye. And they know this emo dress-code includes a thought-code that glorifies cutting and suicide. The emo trend has “elevated” depression into chic rebellion; the more depressed you act, the more points you get. Yes, sensitive people are searching for depth in our shallow world and yes, self-pity will take you to an emotional depth, but purposefully staying in self-pity is insanity. It is also dangerous and addicting. Your words show that. You speak to how, even when you want to stop cutting or harming yourself, you can’t. See a counselor as soon as possible. You deserve to have your joy back. Readers, for more on the emo trend, visit: www.whatisemo.bravehost.com.
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May 16th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: The recent column on Emo kids (4/25/2007) was sickening. Your teen panel blatantly bashed others based on stereotypes. I got the impression that anyone who wears long sleeves, or black, is a worthless, annoying, self-pitying soul whom “everyone has had enough of.” I thought this column existed to foster intelligent, helpful discussions, but nothing constructive came out of that cruel and ignorant bias.—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: Fostering intelligent, helpful discussions is always my intent—whether I succeed is what is important. For clarification, the teen panelists work independently. None know what the others have said, nor what I am going to say, until the column has gone to press.
Most teens test out different fashions and lifestyles on their way to adulthood and for that reason, tolerance is important during these years. Yet many feel that the Emo lifestyle crosses a line because it glorifies depression and/or self-destructive behavior. While I agree the criticism was harsh, from what I can tell, the trend deserves some heat.
Below are more letters like yours, and the teen panel’s response.
Dear Straight Talk: How many on your teen panel have actually gotten to know a kid labeled “Emo?” It’s easy to judge people you don’t know. The few kids I know who wear tight pants and dye their hair black are some of the most creative, friendly, fun-loving people out there. Step outside your blissfully “normal” box and show compassion to those you deem “different.”—K.B.
Dear Straight Talk: I’d like to point out that most of us exhibit “Emo” behavior under different guises. For example, most humans carry drama, most prefer self-interest over interest in others, and all social groupings have members with suicidal tendencies. Fads are just fads and we shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Hating Emos is no different than Emos hating preps. The Buddha said: “You are what you hate.”—College senior
From Peter, 20: I don’t hate Emo kids or their fashion, but the self-deprecating attitude that’s associated with the trend is destructive. Yes, everyone is self-deprecating at times, but most don’t turn it into a way of life. Yes, I know kids labeled Emo that are creative, friendly and fun-loving, but most aren’t. Yes, stereotyping is bad, but at some level there is truth. I’m just calling it like I see it.
From Kendal, 20: My high school boyfriend was into metal and punk. When he switched to Emo, he became completely different. His depression issues amplified and he alienated his friends. Another friend with family trouble started listening to Emo music. She started cutting and would play certain songs to cut to. The Emo “fad” is simply one I cannot support.
From Lennon, 20: “Blissfully normal?” I’m told every day that I’m weird. What defines Emos is not their fashion. It’s not new to wear black and dye your hair black. What’s new is expressing your feelings publicly (usually on MySpace) instead of to a private confidante. Telling the whole world every problem you have is not only discourteous, but annoying. It reads: “I want attention, not help.” Also, I like listening to sad songs, but Emo music is not just sad, it’s vengeful.
From Farren, 19: Social categorizations are a ridiculous invention of society and I never meant to bash anyone personally. If you associate with a label, it’s natural to get flak. By being yourself and ignoring social constructions, you will receive far less criticism.
It’s not coincidence that most of the panelists had the same negative view on the social categorization of “Emo.” That’s because we’ve dealt with it. There was something bitingly honest in the past column and I commend the writers for not sugar-coating their words to avoid “passing judgment.” Sometimes a critical voice is necessary to engage and reflect.
From Rose, 19: Some kids take the Emo thing too far, but when I was young and struggling with depression, listening to Emo music connected me with my feelings and helped me realize I wasn’t alone. I wish I hadn’t been judged for that.
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April 25th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I need to vent. I don’t understand the mindset of the “Emo” type that shops at Hot Topic and wears a bunch of black. I understand they are struggling with things, probably the craziness of their parents, but I wish they would stop advertising their problems to the world. They walk around with this huge label that says, “I’m depressed. Feel sorry for me. I hate my parents. I hate the world.” On MySpace, they continue to advertise their pathetic lives. Is this a fad or what?—Dan, 19
Dear Dan: Yes, it’s a fad. I passed your letter on to the teen panel and received so much negativity toward “Emos” I thought a volcano erupted. Wallowing in self-pity is unhealthy and I understand the frustration with it, but keep in mind how young you all are and how much you all will change. Please, if someone is cutting themselves or speaking of suicide, notify an adult or call 911 immediately. If that person is being overly dramatic this should snap them out of it, and if they’re serious, you could be saving a life.
From Farren, 19: Emo stands for “emotional.” It used to refer to a genre of music but now it’s a social category. Honestly, it’s pathetic. Emo kids hate all other social categories, such as “preppy,” “popular,” etc., and think they can go through life complaining about their sad state while doing absolutely nothing to fix it. Even those who cut themselves seem to do it for attention.
From Mary, 17: Emo started as a type of music then became this thing! Emos generally don’t have the problems they say. People with real problems usually don’t advertise them.
From Lennon, 20: Emos are easily confused with Goths. They both wear a lot of black, but Emos prefer long sleeves, hoodies, skin-tight pants, while Goths like chains, spikes, and leather. Emos listen to screamy or whiny music, Goths prefer death metal. Goths have serious issues and want people to leave them alone. Emos want pity even though their problems aren’t serious. It’s generally that their love interest has dumped them, or their parents said no to a party or concert, so maybe they cut themselves or say they want to kill themselves, but it’s all a show. I suppose some are seriously messed up, but 95 percent just want attention. They need to get over themselves
From Marie, 16: I was put down in life and thought about going Emo. But after I cut myself I realized I didn’t need to do things like that.
From Peter, 20: I want nothing to do with Emos. They glorify self-pity and whine about everything with no attempt to get over their problems. Whenever I hear the twang of an Emo band I cringe. Ditto for the Emo look: jet-black hair swept across one or more eyes, boys wearing ‘little girl pants,’ and a look of melancholy and angst.
Emo kids are typically from upper-middle class families. After a narcissistic upbringing, I don’t think they know what to do with themselves in high school and college where things aren’t so peachy. So, they hear songs like “Ooooo, my girlfriend left me… I feel like trash…I can’t go on,” and they think: “Finally! Someone understands me!’” Their cushy background makes ordinary problems feel huge. Then, to justify their wallowing in angst, they have to create real problems like binge-drinking, substance abuse or cutting.
I think the Emo trend is the long-term effect of the breakdown of the family. When kids don’t have communication with their parents, they rely on their peers to guide them through issues. But peers don’t often have the wisdom to put life in perspective and show you how to move through things.
From Brittney, 18: Teens are vulnerable to fads and to expressing angst. It is narrow-minded and destructive to judge young people by their fads. Underneath, they are individuals, and we should always lend a hand if someone is troubled.
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