Archive for the ‘cyberspace’ Category
April 18th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I’m in eighth grade and I’m glad you did a column on cyber-bullying. Last year an internet hate group formed when “Rachel” got really mad at “Sarah” for supposedly talking behind her back. In revenge, Rachel started a MySpace page called “WOS” for “War on Sarah.” Nobody realized that Rachel built the webpage until later; she acted like she found it and was just rallying everyone to use it. About a third of my class got in on it and it went out of control. At school Sarah was called names and given dirty looks, online she was threatened to be beat up and killed, and was called a no-good, two-faced prostitute who stole her friends’ boyfriends. Eventually all her friends dumped her and nobody in the middle school would stand up for her.
I moved here right after the “war” was busted, so I wasn’t involved, but I can sort of see how it happened. Sarah was this pretty, rich girl who would state her mind without fear or embarrassment. I think a lot of kids were jealous and wanted to chop her down.
After two months of the “war” Sarah refused to go to school and told her parents. At first they wanted her to ignore it, but when she showed them the WOS webpage they went to the school principal. The principal used the web postings to trace everybody involved. He then gave all those kids and their parents a huge lecture on how it is against the law to threaten and harass someone and he made each kid apologize to Sarah in person. He also permanently blocked MySpace on the school computers and the kids all had to delete their personal MySpace accounts at home.
Sarah tried to come back to school this year, but some kids kept harassing her and calling her names so she transferred to a different school.—K.W.
Dear K.W.: Wars like this have no winners. I hope the primary players receive professional help because the damage incurred is deep for everyone involved.
Psychologist, Philip Zimbardo, author of “The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil,” calls cyber-bullying the newest evil. Zimbardo has spent his life studying the nature of evil behavior, which he defines as “intentionally behaving in ways that harm others.”
Zimbardo feels that the template for evil exists in each of us, that given the right environment, evil can be activated in anyone. He would say the kids in this hate group were not “rotten apples” but that their environment created a “rotten barrel” in which good kids turned bad.
We can talk all day about willpower and moral choice, but the fact is, environment plays a huge role in behavior. The obesity epidemic is a perfect example. In homes that bombard kids with junk-food ads with little parental modeling or oversight, it is the rare child who will make healthy food choices. So, is the obese child a rotten apple? Of course not. It’s hardly his or her fault.
Similarly, the internet is an environment far from parental oversight where, for young people, shock and awe are prized and popularity is the goal. Are kids who “go too far” in this environment rotten apples? Or is the environment setting them up? Have we provided our children adequate role models and mental conditioning to remain moral within such an environment?
These are questions to consider as more and more kids find themselves bullying others online—while bystanders silently allow it to happen.
I’m impressed that you wrote in and I’m impressed with your school principal. Regardless of how obnoxious or different a person is, nobody has the right to abuse another. I hope schools and parents will warn kids about how certain online environments can bring out the worst in a person—and that such behavior is not acceptable.
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April 4th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: Regarding your recent columns on MySpace, I would like to offer my opinion. I have been pressured to join MySpace and Facebook, but I don’t care to sit in front of a computer communicating with people I may or may not know. I use email to communicate with colleagues and people that I love, and I find email interactions to be completely different because both parties are accountable for their communication and the communication actively maintains these relationships. With MySpace and Facebook, on the other hand, anyone can view your page and talk to you even if you are not interested—and the interaction takes the social dimension to a place where there are no second opinions. For instance, in a conversation, opposing opinions and feelings are expressed that impact the path the communication travels down. On MySpace and Facebook there is not always the genuine emotion and thread of accountability that helps children and teenagers learn how to communicate cooperatively with others, or even how to behave socially. Especially with young people, gossip, miscommunications, and destructive comments are rampant and create tough social situations at school and other places.—C.L., 20, Antioch College
Dear C.L.: I understand what you are saying. The drug dealers, pedophiles, and adult “spies,” are few and far between; the biggest danger on MySpace is apparently coming from the kid in algebra class. Several high-profile cases of cyber-bullying have revealed how rampant it is among young people and how deep the wounds go in those that are attacked. For every high-profile case, there are thousands you never hear about.
“The pen is mightier than the sword.” These famous words of English novelist, Edward Lytton (1803-1873), encouraged the constructive power of words over the destructive power of the sword. But words slashed across cyberspace (sometimes anonymously, and always justified on the grounds of free speech), that are intentionally designed to harm another can make the encounter resemble a virtual dark alley where people are emotionally slain without accountability. There is nothing mighty about this.
The mechanical nature of the medium definitely emboldens normally decent people to behave badly. Your rejection of MySpace and Facebook in favor of good old-fashioned email is become more and more popular.
Readers, here are some other ways to prevent cyber-bullying and what you can do about it if it is occurring:
From Shelby, 15: I have had some really big fights on MySpace, mostly over negative comments. The thing to remember is that if somebody is being aggressive with you and you respond aggressively, you are adding to the fight by your response. The comments that lead to this kind of fight are ridiculous and should be ignored. Simply delete the comment after you read it, or partially read it, and adjust your settings so that when someone posts a comment you have to approve it before it is displayed publicly on your page.
From Kendal, 20: A group of people I knew created a hate group against a girl they didn’t like. I’ll admit, I didn’t like this girl either, but I was enraged by even the idea of this group. It wasn’t a friendly joke like a lot of the “pseudo” hate groups on MySpace, it was a serious group of people with a deep dislike for someone. They absolutely bashed this girl, and set it up so she could see what they were saying. I posted to the group about how immature I felt that it was. When others approached me defending the group, I told them that disliking someone is one thing, but creating a heated mob mentality against someone crosses a line. Instead of rising above this girl’s immaturity, they stooped way below in retaliation. How can anyone seriously defend the idea of a hate group? They do nothing except poison the soul for all involved. I reported the hate group to MySpace under “inappropriate content” and it was taken care of.
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February 14th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: After reading your column on MySpace, I wanted to say that I use MySpace to track my 16-year-old son and his friends. A lot of parents do this now. I feel a little bad about it, but how else do I find out if he’s staying out of trouble? Am I doing something terribly wrong?— MySpace Mom
Dear MySpace Mom: You find out if your teenager is in trouble by observing him, talking to him, getting to know his friends, being part of his life. If trouble is brewing and you’re paying attention, you will almost always see signs.
From what you’ve described, you are snooping for no reason. I have trouble with this because teens need varying amounts of independence in order to become adults. Snooping takes their independence away.
I know what you’re thinking: If a cocaine dealer in Las Vegas can see my son’s MySpace page, why not me? How is that snooping? I can’t really argue with that, it is a public forum, but I’m letting you know: going on his MySpace page with a false identity for the purpose of spying can be disastrous to your relationship. A breech of trust such as this can take years to heal.
However, if your son is showing signs of drug or alcohol abuse, flunking classes, acting depressed, violent, or engaging in risky behavior, by all means, start lifting some floorboards. But just as it is illegal to be pulled over for no reason, prying without cause, as promoted by websites such as MySpaceForParents.com, is an example of parenting gone awry.
Here is how the teen panel sees it:
From Jarrad, 18: Yes, you are doing something wrong. You are spying on him for no reason. If you had a reason to track him, a real reason, like you suspect he is using meth or he’s in trouble with the law, then do what you need to do, but just to check up on him? That’s ridiculous! If I found out it would ruin my relationship with you. In high school, your kid is not going to share everything with you. There will be experiences that your kid is not going to tell you about. That’s the way it is. But unless you have cause, spying on your son is wrong.
From Laura, 20: It is never alright for parents to use a MySpace account to monitor their kids’ activities. It is absolutely an invasion of privacy. The only thing snooping will do is foster distrust of the parent. If you have a concern, handle it by sitting down and talking to your child.
From Shelby, 14: Spying on MySpace is a really weird invasion of privacy. But I also think parents have the right to see your page on the spot. They shouldn’t be able to read every message but they should be able to see who you are talking to.
From Lennon, 21: I think parental supervision is good up to a certain age. But after 16, looking over our shoulder at everything we do is an invasion of privacy.
From Geoff, 21: Parents have always wanted to know what is going on in their kids’ lives, cleaning their rooms, peeking at notes on their desk, etc. Looking at MySpace pages is the form it takes in our transparent, digital society. Unless you have a private account, MySpace is public! This is the kids’ problem, not the parents’.
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