March 5th, 2008
Dear Straight Talk: I’ve been cutting since I was 16. I do it every time I’m mad or depressed. Once I see the blood, I feel like everything is going to be okay. It’s something I’ve grown use to. It brings me relief and makes me feel better. My little sister also cuts and I want to tell her it’s wrong but how can I, when I do it, too?
Emma
From Katie, 14
Some of my friends stopped cutting once they realized that I, their “little sister,” started doing it. I started cutting three years ago during an extremely emotional time. It was how I released my pent-up fears, anger, and depression and kept from exploding. I recently went “too far” and nicked the artery in my wrist. Luckily, a friend tied it off and drove me to a retired doctor. Cutting is amazingly hard to quit. I know. I’m a work in progress. Some people recommend snapping rubber bands against your wrist. This is a BAD IDEA. It only encourages the habit of self-inflicted pain. Talk to someone who has quit. Find out how they did it. Some quit by thinking of people who would care the most if they found out. Others get people in their life involved. That’s what I’m doing. I told my boyfriend and gave him my knife. I also told friends on different sports teams and asked them to keep an eye on me. Recently, I even told my parents. They were shocked, but once they researched it, they became very loving and caring. Admitting it is the hardest part of quitting, but it’s best in the long run.
From Ashley, 20
Your parents need to know about your situation. I’ve never cut, but I was self-destructive earlier in life. It was a stage when I couldn’t talk to my parents about anything. My mom found out and sent me to counseling. It seemed the worst thing in the world, but, secretly, I liked having someone to talk to. Now, I’m thankful that my mom forced me to get help.
From Emily, 15
The only way you can convince your sister to stop cutting is for you to stop first. Figure out an alternative to cutting that gives you the same relief. You are her biggest role model. If you overcome the same obstacle she is facing, it will make her want to do the same thing.
From Mary, 17
I know what you mean. I hate seeing cuts on my friends, yet how can I tell them not to cut when I cut, too? I know I need to find another way to deal with my problems. You do, too. You and your sister should help each other.
From Beau, 18
Some people cut for attention, others cut to relieve mental pain by turning it into physical pain, still others need the visual relief of seeing the blood. Cutting is addicting and I have seen many close friends go through it. A good way to quit is to find another activity, like exercise or music that relieves your emotions. It’s proven that working-out produces endorphins which counteract the chemicals that cause painful or depressing thoughts. I like running, because along with the endorphins, you feel like you are “getting out” or “getting away.” It also helps to talk to someone. I like to think my helping hand stopped friends from cutting.
Dear Readers: Cutting is the new “drug,” yet few parents realize their child is “using.” If you are a parent, show this column to your child and ask him if he ever cuts. Regardless of the answer, if you haven’t seen your child’s arms in awhile, be curious and investigate. Cutting is highly addictive, leaves permanent scars, and is indicative of unresolved stress. I recommend counseling for anyone who is cutting.
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April 26th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: Would an adult perspective on cutting help? When I was 30 I went through a very painful divorce. During one intense crying jag, I grabbed a steak knife and began drawing lines on my arms—without actually drawing blood. I honestly don’t know what compelled me to do it. I’m nearly 50 years old now and back then I had never heard of “cutting”.
This is what it felt like: the intense nervousness and angst I was feeling suddenly was “limited” to the scraping on my arms. It felt “nice” to have so much pain limited to a small area. I believe our body releases comfort chemicals to help ease pain, which may be where the “rush” comes from. Of course, I was scared that I was going crazy since I had no idea cutting was something people did. After a few times, I forced myself to avoid the activity because I sensed it could become addicting. I knew it was a copout to avoid the real issues that were perplexing me. Today, if I had a teenager who was cutting, I would explain how addicting it can be.
I think cutters probably fall into two categories, the ones who want to “limit” their pain and the ones who want a rush. For the former, I recommend talk therapy (it worked for me), and for the latter, an exciting sport that provides an alternative rush. I hope this adult insight helps.—Name withheld
Dear Name withheld: It does. Twenty years ago, when you drew those lines on your arms, cutting was just emerging as an addictive psycho-cultural phenomenon. Though it is now commonplace, it continues to frighten people and your letter is helping lift that fear so we can see what we are dealing with.
If someone is cutting, your recommendations for talk therapy and for engaging the body athletically couldn’t be more right on. With the current speed of life, the breakdown of the family, and the substitution of electronics for human warmth, I would add that these are important activities whether a person is cutting or not.
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April 12th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: Your columns on cutting touched home. One of my teenage daughters used to cut herself and Bryan answered more questions for me than anyone ever has.
I know my daughter had “issues” but I was always pressing for a definitive reason as to why she was cutting herself, what was wrong, etc. I was scared. I hadn’t seen my other kids try this nor had I noticed it with any of their friends, so it was scary thinking there might be something terribly wrong that she wasn’t telling me.
Her friends are the ones that convinced me there was nothing really wrong with her, so I backed off a little and stopped watching all the time. Things did get better, not immediately mind you, but she did stop.
Thank you Bryan for helping me understand things better. My daughter still has scars and maybe she always will. However, I no longer believe it was a cry for help or a need for attention. I believe her now when she says nothing was wrong, that she just liked doing it.
Regarding the question as to whether there is a “recreational aspect” to cutting, similar to drug use in the 60’s and 70’s, in my daughter’s case, it did seem to be her “rush”.—Mom
Dear Straight Talk: Regarding Bryan’s theory on cutting, and your question as to whether we, as adults, are just not able to relate to this new “thing”, I remember in 1972, my friend’s mother accidentally made soup with our magic mushrooms that were in the fridge. We came home just as she was about to call an ambulance. She was scared to death, thinking she had been fatally poisoned. We realized what happened and walked her through it, explaining how much fun it was. She absolutely couldn’t relate to ANY aspect of how this could be fun.
So, maybe we are just like our parents. I’m 52 now, a father, and I can’t relate to the cutting at all. It gives me the shudders. Until I read Bryan’s letter I always thought it was something only extremely troubled or suicidal kids did.—N.L., Folsom
Dear Mom and N.L.: We’re all getting educated, myself included. Cutting is scary for almost every adult I know. We assume the cutter must be in unthinkable pain to mutilate his or her own flesh.
All teens have issues, it goes with the territory. The only way to know if the issues are “normal teen angst” or something more serious is to press into their world and find out. “Mom”, you did the right thing checking with your daughter’s friends and looking for signs of deeper trouble. If a teen is cutting, it’s time to be very concerned, just as if the teen is using drugs.
Here’s more from Bryan:
From Bryan, 18: Thank you for the opportunity to bring light to this dark struggle. The question seems to be: Is cutting how teens today deal with their “angst”?
I believe it is. I do not believe many teens do it for recreation, but for stress relief. There is a huge feeling of letting go and numbness when one cuts, kind of like when one does drugs. It’s the feeling of being carefree—that’s what it’s all about. When cutting is performed, all your problems go away. So, in a way, I guess one could call this recreation. But, I believe the best way to put it is: Cutting is the easy, cheap, commonly-used teen stress reliever.
I also believe it is a temporary stage. As teens mature, they learn to deal with stress in different, not nearly as harmful ways. Like teens have done for decades, they grow up.
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