Body image an issue for moms and daughters alike
May 23rd, 2007Dear Straight Talk: I’m 48 and I recently had my breasts augmented to a C cup. I made no secret of it and many of my 13-year-old daughter’s friends have expressed shock, saying things like, “I didn’t think your mom was that type,” or “Why is she announcing it?” My son, 16, took one look and said, “Mom, I need some time to deal with this.”
There is a lot of judgment around this surgery and I would like to say that being 48 is different than being 18 or even 25. My doctor won’t even give the surgery to women who are 18 because they need to get to know themselves more. I’m clear about who I am and about making a permanent change to my body.
What I want to know is how to respond to the judgment I get, especially from teenagers.—New & Improved, but still Mom
Dear New & Improved: Yes, you’re still Mom—and you’ve joined the fastest-growing demographic in the history of plastic surgery. 329,000 breast augmentations were performed in 2006, most of them to mothers. Cosmetic surgery has increased 48 percent since 2000, with breast augmentation by far the most popular procedure.
The teen panel thinks that because you are an adult and a mother, you live above the fray, and should let teen judgment “roll off your shoulders,” as teens are, after all, “less than half your age.” But I think you should tell them the truth. Tell them that grown mothers are no happier with their bodies than teenage girls. Tell them that we, too, are influenced by an entertainment, fashion, and plastic surgery industry that overwhelmingly favors and promotes the nubile, adolescent body. Tell them we want our bodies to match an unrealistic standard as much as any teenager. The difference is, we have money and they don’t.
The truth is, society continues to devalue and reject motherhood, both in function and form, and women are vulnerable to these messages. We tell our daughters to love their bodies, but I wonder how many can.
From Rachel L., 15: I have mixed feelings about breast implants. My 29-year-old sister is thinking about getting her breasts done and if it made her happier, I guess I wouldn’t mind. She says that after having two kids, they sag! On the other hand, another relative got a huge, in-your-face breast job, which she flaunts. Regarding judgment from teens, don’t worry about it. Teens will always have something to say.
From Mary 17: I’m glad you’re not 18 or 25 because the doc is right, you don’t know yourself enough at that age. But you’re 48. As for the comments from teens, let them roll off your shoulders.
From Savannah, 13: A friend’s mom had it done recently and at first it was weird that her mom was always talking about it, but eventually the openness made me comfortable with it. It wasn’t like she was trying to pretend they were hers.
From Mariah, 15: Many teenagers think having plastic surgery makes you fake. However, my aunt had a breast job and nobody judged her for it. I think anyone younger than 25 should wait, but after having children, your body changes and a lot of women become self-conscious.
From Kendal, 20: At 48, you’ve been through a lot with your self-image and you’re not trying to be someone you’re not. Heck, I’ve considered getting breast implants after I’m done having kids. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful and desirable no matter what your age. You were honest with your kids, so who cares what other teenagers (people less than half your age) are thinking?
From Jennifer, 13: I think moms get breast implants because they worry that they don’t look good enough and that their husbands might leave them for a younger woman. Or, if the mother is single, that she won’t be able to attract a new guy.
