Archive for the ‘abortion’ Category
October 22nd, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I was pregnant at 16. I refused my boyfriend’s advances for eight months. The night before he moved we made love. He was gone, I was pregnant. My parents were hard-core alcoholics and divorced. The first person to speak face-to-face with me about sex was the nurse at family planning. Sex-ed consisted of an embarrassing film and my parents were silent on the topic. I was too scared to tell them, and going to high school pregnant, pre-Juno, pre-Sarah Palin, was unthinkable. California wants to remove the right of a young woman to seek an abortion without parental notification. But a pregnant teen is wiser than you think and deserves privacy if she feels she needs it. Abortion rates are down. Girls only seek it as a last resort. Many fear violence, emotional abuse, or being kicked out — into poverty. What do teens, who can’t vote, think of losing their rights?
Please don’t use my name. I’m a young, high-profile public servant in Pasadena, CA
Bird, 18
Abortion rates are down because more young women are choosing to have their baby. High school pregnancies are epidemic where I live. I was 17, living on my own as an emancipated minor when I got pregnant. I am a responsible young woman working full-time, figuring out colleges. It’s hard enough to take care of myself; imagine my insanity if I had a two-month-old baby right now. Abortion should be legal and private within the early stages of pregnancy. Teens in dire circumstances need the choice.
Julie, 21
I was raped at 16. To my horror I became pregnant. I couldn’t find an abortion clinic in time and suffered the scornful looks and rude comments from adults and peers as I placed my child for adoption. Now I have a son, and sometimes, again, I wish I’d opted for abortion. The friends of mine who have had them are good people. Every woman, regardless of age, should have choice and privacy on this issue.
Mariah, 16
It should be a last resort, but the right to a private teen abortion should not be taken away.
Rachel, 17
If I was ever faced with such a life-changing event I wouldn’t want anyone but me to make the decision.
Beau, 19
It’s wrong to take rights away from the person they affect most. If a mother cannot care for the child, or feels the birth would bring harm to her or the child, an abortion should be her choice alone — not her parent’s.
Farren, 21
Tip for parents: if you practice open communication with your child, are loving and supportive, you have nothing to worry about. On the other hand, if you don’t talk to your kids about safe sex and let parenting go by the wayside, forfeit your right to be notified. You aren’t being notified because of the relationship you’ve built and how you’ve handled past situations. Teenagers should be able to seek a safe abortion without parental notification if they feel they need to. This law will only lead to shady, unsafe abortions. I’m glad I can vote.
DEAR PASADENA: The 52-member youth panel of this column is evenly split between conservative and liberal families, yet almost all want the right to a private abortion for women under 18 to remain in effect. They know, if not firsthand, then secondhand, how in the wrong family, a mistaken teen pregnancy can result in violence, emotional cruelty, and/or a life of abject poverty. Every step of a pregnant teen’s journey she is urged to tell her parents. Those who feel unsafe doing so will be made at-risk by this law. And to think at-risk teens will navigate the courts for a waiver is naïve. Most won’t. This law is cruel to girls who already suffer. They have my prayers.
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January 23rd, 2008
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 17 and I’m pregnant. I was using a birth control shot. I have tons of support, especially from my mother, to make my own choice and I am confident in my decision to have a medicinal abortion. The problem is my boyfriend. He is my age but has no grasp of what I’m going through and I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Earlier I was confused and blamed the pregnancy on him. We are nearly breaking up over this. Am I being selfish? He says he doesn’t want it so why are we having so many problems? — No name please
Dear No name: He was playing with fire and got caught. You both were. The difference is, he can run and you can’t — which makes him antsy and you scrambling to point fingers. I’m very happy you told your mother. If you decide to keep the baby, contact Child Support Services in your county directory. By law, the father must pay child support until the child is 18. Read on.
From Emily, 15: You’re not selfish. It’s easy for guys to run away. They are not stuck with the weight, the moral decisions, the responsibility. He is the selfish one for not wanting to be involved. But neither of you should have to worry about abortion and parenthood right now, you should be thinking about your next test or this weekend’s movie. Nonetheless, he needs to step up and become a man. If that’s not going to happen, it’s time to move on and do what YOU think is best.
From Rose, 20: When I was 17 some of my friends got pregnant. The ones who had abortions were glad they did, but also said they would never have one again. The ones who had their babies still struggle a lot — even those with family support. In your situation, there is no wrong or selfish choice.
From Peter, 20: Ultimately it is your choice, that’s the final answer. However, blaming the pregnancy on him was wrong. While he has no clue what you’re going through, you have no clue what he’s going through, either. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he isn’t running the whole field of emotions, too.
From Megan, 18: I’ve known couples who have gone through abortions together and made it work. Really talk with him, don’t hold your emotions back. You probably both have feelings about this that you haven’t told each other.
From Mary, 17: It’s his kid as much as yours. Have an abortion, keep it, give it up for adoption, no one can tell you what to do, but you TWO need to do it together. My friend, who is 16, just found out she is pregnant; she has to go it alone as the father isn’t around anymore.
From Bird, 17: I recently went through this, too. My mother said, “I cannot help you make this choice. It’s your choice alone.” I was so depressed Fischer Price commercials would make me cry. Telling my boyfriend was seriously harder than telling my mother. He told all our friends I was pregnant, yet he wouldn’t go to Planned Parenthood with me. When I asked what he wanted to do, he said, “Get rid of it. If you keep it, that’s your choice.” His insensitivity broke our relationship. We are the same age but I’m an emancipated minor attending college and I’ve been working since I was 14. He is unemployed, waiting to get into a G.E.D. program because he was kicked out of high school. He didn’t want to get a job even knowing a child of his might be born. For me, an abortion was the right decision. The choice isn’t supposed to be easy, nor is the process, but it made me stronger.
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July 11th, 2007
Dear Readers: The column about the mother who wondered how to have “the sex talk” with her son (June 27) stimulated mail from both readers and the teen panel. Today I share with you “a tale of two daughters.” It shows the impact of parents who love and communicate with their teenagers around this topic, versus those who don’t. It also shows how to make the best of the “worst of times.”
Many parents operate from the myth that if they aren’t harsh and penalizing around sex, their teen will tumble into promiscuity, pregnancy, and a failed life. This is backward thinking. To improve the odds that your teen or teens will avoid a major mishap (or be stable in the event of one), and will ultimately make healthy sexual choices, love them unconditionally, help them, and communicate with them — while gently making your values known. The reason this works is because, at the end of the day, your kids want to please you because they love you for loving them.
From Elizabeth, 18: I was 16, on the pill, and using a condom when I got pregnant. I was living with my grandmother because my mother wanted nothing to do with me. My grandmother didn’t like me either. Had she seen my growing belly, she would have kicked me out of the house and put my boyfriend in jail for being 18. That would leave me no home, no support for me or the baby, and a father behind bars. I was really scared so I kept the baby a secret. Before this, I had always looked down on women who used an abortion to “erase a mistake.” Now I know that many are pushed into it.
Teen pregnancy happens in the best of families. Parents need to earn their kids’ confidence so they will ask for help before it happens. If your daughter does get pregnant, the outcome must be her decision. You might want an abortion so she doesn’t “mess up her life,” but taking away her choice could leave her with regrets and emotional scars like I have. On the other hand, you could be against abortion, but she might not be ready to be a parent and will damage the baby.
My grandmother kicked me out anyway and I live in a group home. But my boyfriend has remained at my side. What happens to the girls who have no one?
From Farren, 19: I’m now a junior in college, but when I was a young teenager, my mom often gave me a sex talk that went something like this: “Farren, there is nothing wrong with sex, I just hope you choose to do it when you’re older. But I won’t be there when this decision is made, so there is no way I can stop you. If you decide to have sex, please tell me so I can put you on birth control.”
I was 16 when I first had sex with my boyfriend. I told my mom and she kept her word and got me on birth control. Eventually “Zach” and I broke up, (he had issues), and then, in my senior year, we smoked weed together, felt connected again, and got back together. When I told my mom we were intimate again, she was unhappy (because of what he had put me through before), so she calls my brother and dad into the living room and tells them I am having sex with Zach again and smoking weed! (This was the first my dad and brother had heard on either topic.) My dad looked awkward and didn’t say anything and my older brother almost starts crying and says, “I’ve only smoked weed once, and I hated it, and I haven’t even had sex yet. I can’t believe you would make that choice right now.”
That night I broke up with Zach for good. My family gave me a choice, but they pushed for one side. I realized I’d rather do something they were happy with.
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