Living drug-free takes a village
Feb 6Dear Straight Talk: I am disappointed in your response to “No longer Supermom,” whose daughter began drinking, smoking marijuana, flunking out of school, and had moved into her dad’s house where there were no rules. This girl is crying for help. The mother should intervene like a hammer based on the information given, not wait until harder drugs are in use. I was shocked that you only recommended intervention for what you call “white” drugs (meth, cocaine, crack, PCP, Oxycontin, heroine), when alcohol and marijuana (what you call a “green” drug), are devastating and highly addictive to the growing mind. — Vacaville CA
From Peter, 21: I was a high school Peer Helper and a Youth Advisor to Health and Human Services. There is a distinction between alcohol and “green” drugs like pot, and “white” drugs like meth, PCP, crack, cocaine, heroine, and Oxycontin. The addictive nature of one group is nothing compared to the other. “White” drugs are almost entirely chemically addictive and seriously damage the brain. Compare this to alcohol and pot, which one can quit cold turkey with little or no withdrawal symptoms. Don’t get me wrong, pot and alcohol are dangerous, but saying they are even close to the danger of “white” drugs is as irresponsible as saying they aren’t dangerous at all — which is, unfortunately, what a lot of teenagers think. If a teen is habitually abusing alcohol or pot, it’s time to investigate, but “dropping the hammer,” will probably alienate the teen. “White” drugs, however, require drastic measures.
From Laura, 21: What is more harmful in the long run? Let teens run their “experimental” course or step in with the iron cage of control and try to shove their circle back into a square? The latter will often backfire. It’s usually better to let them go through a phase without interfering too much.
From Johannes, 21: Some experimentation by youth is appropriate and necessary. I play Division I college soccer. I drink heavily sometimes the night before practice. I have also smoked marijuana. I did this in high school, too. Yet my physical and mental fitness is above par. Let teenagers live and learn. Your advice will only alienate.
Dear Vacaville: Anyone who knows my work knows I advocate a substance-free lifestyle. Unfortunately, such lifestyles are rarely modeled for our children. Whether it is caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, illegal drugs, or prescription drugs, most adults use something to alter their chemistry on a regular basis. I won’t even mention their teen years.
Apples, of course, don’t fall far from the tree. Teens speak to me frankly about their world and the ubiquity of substance use among teens — especially alcohol and marijuana — is shocking. I don’t like it. I wish it was different. Good kids, high-functioning kids, Christian kids, athletes, scholars: most use or have used these drugs.
Each parent draws their own line in the sand. But unless the abuse is out of control, taking a persuasive, educational, and watchful approach with alcohol and marijuana usually works better than a power struggle — which generally drives the problem underground, or worse, backfires. For my own kids, I give compelling reasons all the time about living substance-free. They know that’s what I want for them. They also know that I know their friends, their friends’ parents, their teachers, and that this “village” will report to me if things get stupid. They also know I love them unconditionally. Finally, they know if they ever mess with “white” drugs, I will become an animal. Why? “White” drugs are different than alcohol and marijuana. This may sound soft, or like a mixed message, but being an effective parent means being a wise general. In my experience, unless things are out of control, the “green drug challenge” is best solved off the battlefield.
