When boy-girl friendships turn hot
Aug 13DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am a sophomore in high school and am really good friends with this boy I’ll call “Nick.” We hang in the same crowd and do all kinds of things together: stay the night, go to parties, talk on the phone. He’s been like my brother, but now I’m going crazy because I have a major crush on him. Do I ask him out? Will it ruin our friendship? Has anyone else been through this?
“Ali”
Kyle, 16
Most of my friends are girls and it would be awkward if one of them that I did not have similar feelings for, confessed to romantic feelings. Rarely can a friendship recover from that. Unless you are getting similar vibes from this guy, keep it to yourself. If you tell him, you risk losing him. A true friend will last for life, most high school relationships do not. Proceed with caution.
Hannah, 17
I went through this last year. I was good friends with this guy and when he broke up with his girlfriend, I shared my feelings. We went out for a few months but then it got awkward because the little things we used to do as “friends” became “couple things.” We broke up and now we’re not really friends anymore. The few months together weren’t worth the loss. Hold off and eventually your feelings for him will change and you will like someone else.
Bird, 17
I had a best friend like this and after his “confession of love” our friendship was damaged because I knew he was “settling” as my friend. Pay attention to Nick and see if he has an attraction to you, because if he does, you would have the most incredible relationship.
Dominic, 21
It’s not uncommon these days to have great friends of the opposite sex. I have many good friends who are girls — and these situations do sometimes become romantic. I say, follow your heart. If you are good enough friends it might be weird for a bit, but you’ll get over it, and if nothing else, you’ll have something to laugh about later.
Lennon, 21
Caution is always good when it comes to relationships. Wait and see if the feelings continue, and get a second opinion. You could also get clues by being really friendly, sitting close to him, etc.
Ashley, 20
I’ve been dating my best friend of eight years for a few months and it’s great because we know each other so well. Make hints to see if Nick shares your feelings. If he doesn’t and he’s a good friend, you guys should be able to get past that and still remain friends. But if you do start dating and then break up, can your friendship survive? That’s my question.
Emily, 16
For those friends who are brutally honest with their crushes, it never seems to turn out bad. Suggest a date for just the two of you. In the midst of a friendly conversation, come out and ask him if he’s ever considered you guys being more than friends. If he’s mature, he won’t make it awkward if he’s not interested.
DEAR “ALI”: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Brave New World of Male-Female Relationships isn’t out yet. Your generation is re-writing the rules of courtship so radically that, honestly, there is no single “right way” anymore. Use these years to learn what’s right for you. Try things. Be kind, be honest. Forgive yourself (and others) if things don’t work out. If you’re strong, take a bold approach. If you’re not, be more cautious. But avoid fantasies. They are destructive, addictive, and draining. Living in your head is bad news regardless of what universe you’re from. Either explore this fantasy with Nick, or move on.
mooseman
I have found through personal experience that whenever you have a best friend and you start falling for them, its never a good thing. As those feelings start to get stronger you start to change whenever you are around her, wish and hoping she feels the same way. Many times it becomes awkward in certain situations that would have been completly normal in the past. then, if you two happen to start dating it never lasts because you have been so clolse in the past that its just not the same, and its weird. your friendship will stay strong forever with little to no work, but a realtionship will fade very quickly.