Teens who say ‘no’ to drugs suffer harsh peer criticism
Apr 30DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I have a gripe. Over the years, I’ve been to tons of parties and seen tons of drug and alcohol use, even from my closest friends whom I respect. Now, at college, the “need to party” is even stronger. I’ve tried pot and I drink sometimes, but my choice has been to not use drugs and I wouldn’t mind if I never drank again. I believe there is more to life than getting high or wasted, yet my peers seem stuck in this lifestyle. And what really gets me is that many truly believe that I haven’t “lived” because I haven’t ingested certain drugs. It’s so hypocritical because I could say the same thing about experiences I’ve had that they haven’t. Yet, I really feel that they feel closer to each other because they’ve had the same drug trip. Why do people judge each other based on how much they party?
Anonymous, 19
Ashley, 20
You are a brave, strong person to be able to stay away from drugs when your friends are bonding with them. I believe that eventually they will respect your decision and maybe even envy you. No drug can give you something you can’t get from life itself.
Johannes, 21
Are you looking for someone to tell you you’re doing the right thing? If your heart says you’re right, don’t be affected by what others think. People ridicule what they don’t know in order to find peace with what they do.
Emily, 15
I admire you for being able to go to parties and not get sucked into the “party scene”. I, too, have made this choice. Being happy much of the time is better than being “high-happy,” which is a temporary escape from pressures and hardships, and when it wears off, people often feel worse. The biggest drug users usually have low self-esteem. They try to be someone they’re not, while hiding who they really are. Have confidence. I can’t tell you how positive an influence people like you are on big partiers. Behind the comments, many are admiring you.
Mariah, 16
I know a lot of kids who drink and do drugs. They do it for the high. They don’t feel closer because of the same “trip.” That’s just an excuse to continue using.
Nicole, 18
My parents raised me to not become addicted to anything. So far, I have not. I do believe drugs open one’s mind and I support experimentation. But, be careful. Drugs are highly addictive and if you lack self control, or didn’t get the right attention when you were young, you could become addicted the very first time.
Lennon, 21
I agree, people are “stuck in this lifestyle.” I’ve only smoked pot a few times but I drink now and then. Alcohol sucks so much out of you: memory, time, income. Then next day, I not only can’t remember everything, but my skin is tight, I’m disrespectful, I snap faster, and everyone seems out to get me. I think drugs should be used ritually, or only at special occasions. When you do something habitually, it loses its significance.
Bird, 17
People judge each other around partying because America is fixated on drugs and alcohol and this, sadly, is the common ground. I’ve done my fair share of experimenting but I have the utmost respect for people like you.
DEAR ANONYMOUS: I’ve heard your complaint before. Teens say they are considered “weird” if they don’t use alcohol or some kind of drug — and to be popular, it is practically a requirement. Rare individuals like you who can mix with the “in” crowd, have fun, and stay clean, are modern superheroes. What you have, everyone wants. Please write and tell us what you think makes you the way you are.
laurel
I’m 21 and I think this guy is right on target with drugs and drinking being a personal preference. Personally I’m not a heavy drug user, but I have done some of them. He’s probably right in assuming that a lot of his friends are closer because they’ve had the same ‘trip,’ just in the way that people who go on a geographical trip feel that the experiences they went through can only be understood by those who were along. The need to “party” is definitely a personal definition. The first couple of times that I ever did coke, I was with my ex-boyfriend and his friends. It was in a dirty apartment and was all about feeling the high. It was totally the stereotypical vision of what coke would be like. I hated that so much that I didn’t do it again for about 2 and half years. Then I did it with a really close friend of mine and we ended up having one of the greatest conversations we’ve ever had. We connected on a whole new level, which was really amazing. I still don’t do coke unless I feel that htis is the type of environment that it will be in.
I’ve done shrooms and E, once at the same time. That combination ended up with one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was in Montana for a skydiving related party/event. A bunch of people had gone up this mountain to sit on an abandoned firetower for the skydiving plane fly-bys. The combination of good company, the trees “flexing” was amazing. As the sun went down, everyone started driving down the mountain (sober drivers), having to stop about every 20 mins because of those who had been drinking and need to stop to pee. While others were doing there thing, a few cars had their stereos blasting and we all ended up dancing on the side of a mountain, under the stars, with montana dust all over, and I was feeling great from the E and the shrooms. It was something that only the people who were there, could relate to.
I don’t like to do as they’ve been called “white” drugs, to get fucked up. The times I have done them, have been because I want to have fun with friends, always in a safe environment. If it wasn’t safe, or if it was all about the drug and not the company, I either hated the situation, or decided against it.
My point is, you don’t have to have done drugs to have “lived,” but they are experiences that unless you have had, you don’t know what they are like. “Missing out” is a personal choice of words. I know a lot of people who have no need to do drugs, and that’s fine. They’ve had tons of experiences in life that I haven’t. But I feel that my life has been enriched for the better with the experiences that I’ve had.
Charles
Charles: I hate to be the person to say this (as I was always the person who was a staunch, drug-free lifer, all the way up to the end of my college years), but I do think certain green drugs have influenced me in a positive way. [[disclamer: I'm not saying this is a good reason to do this, but for me, I appreciate the end benefit, if it can even be attributed to drugs]].
Basically, I smoke pot once a month or so (more like once every 2 months). When I smoke, I have incredibly lucid day-dreams (hallucinations, if you will). Let me restate that just to be clear: I have waking dreams when stoned. Now, I’ve always been a lucid dreamer, but I’ve never had such a powerful visualization when awake than when I was stoned. Now, this clearly is very subjective, and I haven’t met anyone else who has this same type of experience I have (other than what I’ve heard of the Beatles). However, even know I can think back to when I was stoned for the first time, and recall the mental ability, and dare I say, channel that thought-process to better visualize things in my every-day-life.
As another preface, I had a bit of visualization training/meditation training as a child, going through all these mental tasks in a meditation-like state, where I could achieve a sense of what I felt while stoned. So a theory is that perhaps it’s helping bring back those childhood memories of that trance-like state, or that it’s amplifying that training. I say that because, again, I’m not saying you need drugs to do what I feel that I can do.
Oh, one last note. My friends never pressured me, never made me believe that they were better than me, or that they were more “experienced” in any way. However, after trying it, I do understand the argument better that: marijuana is a better/safer drug than alcohol. That’s one I think needs to be experienced (in a safe environment, of course) to be truly comprehended.
Janet S-E
Annonymus,
It can be a big problem if fitting in means going against your standards for yourself. It sounds like these are firends you like and want to keep and it also sounds like you feel a bit left out since they share a bond of having a similar experience, in this case the same drug trip. My advice is to make sure you create a balanced social network if possible. Find people to befirend who chose not to do drugs. You don’t necessarily have to shun your other firends, just make sure you can feel connected to others who make you feel like you fit in for behavior closer to what you preferr.