Stick with boyfriend through illness
May 14DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m 14 and I have a serious decision to make. My boyfriend of three months is sick with a deathly disease. I have a hard time handling sickness, let alone death, and if this disease takes his life I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it. The more attached I get, the more scared I get, and the more I wonder if we should break up.
HELP!
Katie, 15
When I was 14, the boy I liked had leukemia. We were both interested in each other and in order to not get “too” attached we decided to be close friends. He did pass away, and our closeness was life-changing for both of us. Ask yourself: Can I remain calm enough to stay with him through all possibilities? How hurt will he be if I break up with him?
Beau, 18
My father passed away recently from a terminal illness. His wife left him shortly after he was diagnosed, which devastated him. Stay with your boyfriend and live your lives to the fullest. My father maintained an amazing attitude and taught me that just because death is around the corner, life doesn’t have to stop. When things get rough, think how hard it must be for your boyfriend, or how much worse it would be if you couldn’t see him.
Ashley, 20
It will be really hard if he dies, but it will be harder to break up and pretend like nothing happened. If I did that, I would regret it the rest of my life. Sharing your fears with him will help you feel stronger.
Mariah, 16
My best friend’s dad, who considered me a “daughter” died last year. At first I thought I should distance myself so it wouldn’t be so hard for us. But in the end, I spent as much time as possible with them and this was the best thing to do. I think you’ll end up more depressed if you abandon him than if you stay with him, even if he dies. Just be there and comfort him.
Nicole, 18
I am forever thankful that I spent the time I did with my friend before he died. Stay by his side. He needs you. If you don’t, and he passes, you will only be upset with yourself.
Megan, 19
Feel lucky that you’ve found someone you like who wants to spend his remaining time with you. Take the time you have and do something with it.
Emily, 15
Your boyfriend doesn’t deserve more loss and he will appreciate it if you stay. But that’s a lot to ask of a 14-year-old. If it’s truly too much, you are not being selfish, and he will understand. On the other hand, you have the opportunity to make the rest of his life the best part. And if you leave him and he gets better, you can’t just say, “Ok, let’s date again.”
Callie, 16
Stay with him. He needs to be able to talk to you because he has more on his mind than he can handle. If the tables were turned would you want him to break up with you? Who knows, this experience might help you deal with death more positively.
DEAR HELP: Welcome to Life, the Advanced Course. I know you didn’t mean to sign up, but here you are. I agree with the teen panel that this particular course could be even harder if you drop it. I hope you decide to stick it out, but promise me you’ll enlist support for yourself from a counselor, pastor, wise friend, or adult mentor. You and your boyfriend have chosen each other at this moment in life’s journey and I can’t help but think there’s something huge to be gained for both of you.
Janet S-E
Katie,
You are in a very difficult position at a very young age. Seeking the advice /opinions of others is a very good idea as support is important, however, you ultimaely are the one who knows what is the best for you. If you stay with your boyfriend because you feel badly for him, you are staying it seems to me out of pity and no one wants that. A person with an illness wants to be a person first and a person with an illess second. If you leave because you are afraid of handling the loss you will feel when and if he dies, you are leaving because of fear. Neither fear or pity are good foundations for decision making.
You are young and have every right to check in with yourself (with professional help if you feel that would be good) and do what is right right for you regardless of what on the outside may appear best for him.
Janet