Popping the STD question
Apr 9DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m 16 and I have a question. How do you ask a potential partner how many partners she’s had and whether she has a sexually transmitted disease? I am going out with this girl and I can’t figure out how, or when, to ask the question. If I ask too soon it seems like that’s all I care about. If I wait till the last minute, that’s awkward, too. And what happens if she tells me she has something? It seems cold to just dump her. And how do you know if she is telling the truth, or even knows the truth?
Thanks, Dylan
From Hannah, 16
Our generation is so wowed by the thought of sex that everyone gets embarrassed and nobody takes STIs seriously. Almost no teenager is going to give their “potential partner” an honest answer. That is why you always need to use a condom. Or honestly, just don’t have sex.
From Laurel, 21
I was 18 before I had sex, old enough to handle the emotional and physical consequences. I asked my partner about STDs and he assured me he was clean. He’d had previous partners, but I believed him because I was so in love. He didn’t want to be tested and I didn’t push it thinking it would look like I didn’t trust his word and that was all I cared about. I went on birth control, so we didn’t use condoms. Long story short, I contracted HPV, the cancerous kind. Every time I faced an abnormal pap smear, I cried and was depressed for days. Now, I’ve had to tell my new boyfriend of my “contracted disease.” Ask your girlfriend for a test. Don’t doubt her integrity or bring up her past partners, just say that most diseases have “silent” symptoms. Offer to get tested with her — even if you’re sure you’re clean. Never, ever, be lax because you’re worried about your partner’s feelings. Protect yourself. Even from the person you love.
From Beau, 18
The best time to ask about STDs is when the relationship is taking that step forward. Getting tested together is a good way to make sure everyone is honest. If your partner tests positive for STDs, hold off on having sex, or if it is curable, wait until it is cured, then still use protection. Always use protection.
From Nicole, 18
I ask, straight up, “When was the last time you were tested for STDs?” So what if the question is awkward? To not ask is irresponsible. Your partner could always lie; it is a hard thing to judge. Also, it is very possible they don’t know they have something and are spreading it.
DEAR DYLAN: The answer is protection, protection, protection. Always use a male and/or female condom — even for oral sex. Asking about STDs is wonderful and I strongly encourage it, but as Laurel’s experience shows, without regular testing, there is no guarantee your girlfriend is clean just because she says she is. Even with testing, there’s no guarantee. HIV, for example, doesn’t show up on tests until 3 months after it is contracted. With our current lifestyle, 50 percent of the population will, at some point, contract an STI or STD. Many are chronic and life-threatening. Many have no cure. Two-thirds of those infections happen before age 25, mainly because alcohol, drugs, and the feeling of invincibility, lead to unprotected sex. They say abstinence is the only safe sex, but we all know abstinence isn’t sex at all. And we’re discovering that sexual “freedom” isn’t free at all, the cost is non-stop protection. If ever there was a reason to strive for a satisfying, long-term, monogamous relationship (what used to called, “forsaking all others till death do you part”), this is it. In the meantime, “save yourself” by keeping it wrapped.
