Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

Having sex, protected or not, is playing with fire

Dear Straight Talk: I’m 17 and I’m pregnant. I was using a birth control shot. I have tons of support, especially from my mother, to make my own choice and I am confident in my decision to have a medicinal abortion. The problem is my boyfriend. He is my age but has no grasp of what I’m going through and I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Earlier I was confused and blamed the pregnancy on him. We are nearly breaking up over this. Am I being selfish? He says he doesn’t want it so why are we having so many problems? — No name please

Dear No name: He was playing with fire and got caught. You both were. The difference is, he can run and you can’t — which makes him antsy and you scrambling to point fingers. I’m very happy you told your mother. If you decide to keep the baby, contact Child Support Services in your county directory. By law, the father must pay child support until the child is 18. Read on.

From Emily, 15: You’re not selfish. It’s easy for guys to run away. They are not stuck with the weight, the moral decisions, the responsibility. He is the selfish one for not wanting to be involved. But neither of you should have to worry about abortion and parenthood right now, you should be thinking about your next test or this weekend’s movie. Nonetheless, he needs to step up and become a man. If that’s not going to happen, it’s time to move on and do what YOU think is best.

From Rose, 20: When I was 17 some of my friends got pregnant. The ones who had abortions were glad they did, but also said they would never have one again. The ones who had their babies still struggle a lot — even those with family support. In your situation, there is no wrong or selfish choice.

From Peter, 20: Ultimately it is your choice, that’s the final answer. However, blaming the pregnancy on him was wrong. While he has no clue what you’re going through, you have no clue what he’s going through, either. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he isn’t running the whole field of emotions, too.

From Megan, 18: I’ve known couples who have gone through abortions together and made it work. Really talk with him, don’t hold your emotions back. You probably both have feelings about this that you haven’t told each other.

From Mary, 17: It’s his kid as much as yours. Have an abortion, keep it, give it up for adoption, no one can tell you what to do, but you TWO need to do it together. My friend, who is 16, just found out she is pregnant; she has to go it alone as the father isn’t around anymore.

From Bird, 17: I recently went through this, too. My mother said, “I cannot help you make this choice. It’s your choice alone.” I was so depressed Fischer Price commercials would make me cry. Telling my boyfriend was seriously harder than telling my mother. He told all our friends I was pregnant, yet he wouldn’t go to Planned Parenthood with me. When I asked what he wanted to do, he said, “Get rid of it. If you keep it, that’s your choice.” His insensitivity broke our relationship. We are the same age but I’m an emancipated minor attending college and I’ve been working since I was 14. He is unemployed, waiting to get into a G.E.D. program because he was kicked out of high school. He didn’t want to get a job even knowing a child of his might be born. For me, an abortion was the right decision. The choice isn’t supposed to be easy, nor is the process, but it made me stronger.