Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

Dad hates my boyfriend!

Dear Straight Talk: My dad hates my boyfriend, who I will call Matt. I am 17, a senior in high school. Matt is 19, he has graduated and works making $300 a week. I have known him almost my whole life. My dad has known him a long time, too, but he doesn’t see the side of him my friends and I see. I think it is partly personality and partly the fact that he doesn’t want me to grow up. Matt and I really care about each other. He is always there to support me and has helped me through extremely hard times. Matt’s dad thinks we make a really cute couple, but my dad doesn’t even know we are dating. How do I tell my dad I’m seeing Matt when I know he hates him? — Candice, West Virginia

From Hannah, 16: Ha! This is a common question among my friends. I am the youngest in my family and as I grew up I noticed this reaction by my parents toward my older sister’s boyfriends and now I notice it with me. Basically, my mom and dad do not like the boy until we decide he is not for us. Be patient; if it is meant to be and you end up marrying him, they’ll come around. Until then, it’s hard enough to find a boy you like who likes you back, so give up on the idea of finding one who is also adored by your parents.

From Nicole, 18: Communication is very important in a family and, unfortunately, is lacking in many. Tell your father what you are doing and how you feel about your boyfriend. Make sure your father knows that he treats you well and would never hurt you.

From Betsy, 19: If you’re sure you want to be with Matt, tell your dad you are committed to being with him with or without his support. If your dad sees how much you like him, he’ll know it’s better to support you rather than judge him. At least that’s the hope. Be up front about it. Hiding it will only make things worse.

From Mary, 17: You’re daddy’s little girl and he’s never going to like who you are with. It’s his job to protect you. Show him that Matt makes you happy. Even if your dad doesn’t like him, if he makes you happy, he will not stand between you. At least that is how it worked with my father.

From Mariah, 15: Your dad is just looking out for you and wants the best for you. Tell your dad you two are dating and ask him what it is about Matt that he truly dislikes.
From Bird 17: Be honest with you father! He isn’t supposed to like your boyfriends. You are his little girl so why would he want you to be with another boy? When you talk to him about Matt, let him know how good he is to you. The longer you are with Matt in a healthy relationship the sooner your dad will ease up, but if you hide him, your dad can’t see what you see.

Dear Candice: I always say if you are not mature enough to tell your parents the truth about your relationships, you are probably not mature enough to be in them. Your dad doesn’t hate Matt, but he can see you have feelings for Matt and is trying to discourage you. Maybe this is because you are “daddy’s little girl” or maybe there are other reasons. Ask yourself these questions: Does Matt abuse drugs? If he drinks, does he get drunk? Does he ever drive while intoxicated? Is he respectful to his mother? Is he jealous, violent, or controlling? Your honest answers will tell you what is going on.