March 26th, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m 17 and it’s embarrassing, but I’ve never had a boyfriend, kissed a guy, or been on a date. I’m just not a flirty girl; I can’t stand girls who act all giddy around guys. I know I’m not ugly, but I have no self-confidence and no clue how to tell when a guy is interested in me. I’m crazy over this guy I sit next to in one of my classes. We talk every day. Sometimes it seems like he’s flirting with me, but I can’t be sure. Recently, I saw him at his job at In N Out. He didn’t see me. When I told him about it later, he said, “Next time, you better say hi to me.” In class, a girl passed him her number and he threw it out. Then she wrote, “Do you want to have sex.” Again, he threw it out. I’m nothing like that girl, but still, I’m hesitant to make the first move. What should I do? I’m impatient to be in a relationship.
“Tracy”
From Farren, 20:
I was a junior before I had my first boyfriend and first kiss. It was hard, but now I’m glad I waited. I’m not sure if this guy is flirting with you, but if he tells you to say hi when you see him at work, he is genuinely interested in you, or at least curious. Ask him if he wants to hang out or do homework together. It’s not too forward and it shows you are interested in getting to know him. He’s obviously looking for someone with personality, not just some girl who wants sex.
From Sawyer, 16:
Holy smokes, take a leap of faith! So what if you fall off the horse? Just get back on! To have self-confidence, you need to feel good about yourself. I run and work out and that makes me feel good about myself, inside and outside. Think about what you could do to feel better about yourself, then do it.
From Curtis, 16:
The best way to start a relationship is to start by being friends.
From Brie, 16:
If a guy is interested, he will find reasons to touch you, talk to you, be near you. You are too uptight. Be casual about it and get to know him as a friend. Say, “Hey, wanna hang out and do some homework?”
From Hannah, 16:
When a guy is flirting with you, you know it because he will hold your gaze a second too long. But stop overanalyzing and ask him to coffee as a friend. If he’s throwing those notes away he’s not looking for a girl like that, but for a girl like you.
From Lennon, 21:
Me thinks he probably likes you. He may be as nervous as you are. There were girls that wanted to have sex with me in high school, too, but knowing that didn’t boost my confidence. I still felt awkward and shy around the girl I liked. You either need to suck it up and ask him to do something, or learn to flirt so he can be more confident that you like him. You didn’t say hi to him at his work. He might think you’re just being nice to him in class
DEAR “TRACY:” Me thinks he might like you, too. I hope the panel’s advice is helpful. I couldn’t agree more with Sawyer’s suggestion to take up an appropriate activity that will build your self-confidence. I have also found confidence in the words of a wise friend who said, “If a relationship is meant to be, you really can’t do or say anything wrong.” There’s real truth to this. I hope it gives you the comfort to take some risks and enjoy what emerges, whether friendship or romance.
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March 19th, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m a 17-year-old guy and I recently got two star tattoos, one on each shoulder. They are placed where they can be easily hidden. What bothers me is that I’ve been hiding them from my parents. I don’t regret getting them; they represent me and I really like them. But my parents hate tattoos and I don’t know how they will react. I need help on what I should do and how I should tell them.
Florida
DEAR FLORIDA: You need help on what you should do? Didn’t you already do it? I feel about tattoos like I feel about sex: if you aren’t mature enough to tell your parents, you aren’t mature enough to “get any.” In Florida, you are tattoo-legal at 16, but only with parental permission. You knew this, so be prepared to accept their consequences without complaint. A 2006 Pew Research Center survey showed that 36 percent of those ages 18 to 25, and 40 percent of those ages 26 to 40, have at least one tattoo. Half want their tattoos removed. Your parents might feel better if you become a dermatologist. By the time you finish medical school, demand for tattoo removal should be peaking.
From Bird, 17
I did the same thing. I got my first tattoo and I didn’t tell my family about it for a week. Finally, I was eating dinner with my mother and I went, “Mom, I’m not happy to contain this any longer and you are going to see it eventually. I got a tattoo.” She was okay about it; she figures it’s my body. But my father totally despises tattoos, calling them trashy and sleazy. He was upset and told me I was going to regret it, but there was really nothing he could do about it. Tell one parent first, whichever one you feel closer to. The sooner you tell them, the sooner they can see it, accept it, and move on from it.
From Sawyer, 16
Tattoos are a short-lived dream. Unless you spend all your time reminiscing about the past, the majority of your life you will regret them. Most teens deny that it’s a fashion, but it is. It distinguishes our generation. The difference is you can’t change your tattoos like you can change your hair or clothes. I still may get one someday. Sometimes you have to do things you’ll regret in order to learn.
From Ashley, 20
I don’t see anything wrong with tattoos unless you get pointless, meaningless ones. But no matter what you get, it represents only that time of your life. That’s why I would never get one. Tattoos are so common now. If you have no reason to be ashamed of your tattoos, tell your parents. They might freak out, but they’ll get over it.
From Nicole, 18
Do you want your parents and friends keeping secrets from you? Be careful with your actions, they might catch up with you.
From Lennon, 21
I see a lot of snakes and barb wire that are done spur-of-the-moment and I don’t see how something so superficial could hold life-long meaning. I have no “need” for tattoos, but since you obviously do, what are you going to do, hide them the rest of your life?
From Beau, 18
When you get a tattoo, it must be something you are proud of. I have a tattoo as well. I didn’t have to hide it from my parents, but I did have to justify it to my dad before I got it. I explained the meaning behind it and my father supported it. My mother, however, thinks tattoos are “gross.” Nonetheless, I got it, and explained to her that tattoos are one of my passions. If you stand your ground and remember why you got your tattoo, you will be safe.
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March 12th, 2008
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My daughter, “Paige,” is 14. Her mother and I divorced four years ago and my ex has always said ugly things about me. Somehow Paige seemed to know these things weren’t true and we had a great relationship. Three months ago, Paige was very disrespectful to me over the phone and I told her I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior. I cut off her cell phone after a threat to do so. During this time, I was pursuing a new custody agreement to prevent my ex from using the children to gouge me financially. Paige told me to stop pursing the new agreement or she’d never see me again. I tried to explain why I couldn’t do this and now she won’t talk to me except to threaten to ask a judge to let her refuse visitation with me. What should I do?
Paige’s dad
DEAR PAIGE’S DAD: I hope you study each word by Beau, Jennifer, and Bird. Advice on this topic doesn’t get better. As for Shelby’s advice: it’s a harsh delivery, but you can take it to the bank.
From Beau, 18
My parents divorced when I was one, and I constantly went back and forth between homes. Children think they are responsible for their parents’ divorce, and in a custody battle they think they must love one parent more than the other. Since your daughter can’t safely show affection for you around her mom, she sets up a defense mechanism that shuts you out. I’ve been there. My mom talked bad about my father, too, and I felt I had to agree with her to be safe. Just remember, your daughter loves you. Give her some space while gently reassuring her that you’re there. Don’t talk bad about her mother, and above all, tell her/show her that you love her at every opportunity. My dad eventually became one of my closest friends. He gave me space and he was there for me no matter what.
From Shelby, 16
Shutting off her cell because of one rude conversation was about the stupidest thing you could do! A girl’s cell is her life! For starters, hook her phone back up.
From Jennifer, 14
She is going to want to see you. Let her cool off for three weeks or so, to where she starts feeling bad about what she said. Then turn on her cell and ask her to lunch. Discuss how her life is going — and please, seem interested! Tell her you want her to be happy and to be with you. Ask what she likes to do, then do those things with her. (Hint: No 9,000-mile hikes! Maybe bowling, movies, shopping, something a 14-year-old girl likes — and let her bring a friend.) When you’re winning her back, don’t have your girlfriend or wife around; give her time just with you. Don’t speak badly about her mom, and don’t ask, “What’s your mom saying to you?” Finally, apologize. But don’t say, “I don’t know what I did to make you so mad.” That’s not an apology, that’s placing blame back on her.
From Bird, 17
My father and I had the worst relationship. He favored my little brother who was easier to deal with than his 12-year-old daughter, who just wanted to be on the phone or go to the mall. I remember (with regrets) saying, “I wouldn’t care if my father died.” I despised his girlfriend and wouldn’t stay at his house because of her. Now my dad accepts that and makes time just for me. Somehow our harsh conflict has made me cherish him and we get along better than ever. He treats me like an adult and we talk on a mature level. Regarding the new custody agreement, if it is morally right, push on with it. Your daughter will eventually understand.
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