Archive for May, 2007
May 30th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: In 2005 you printed an advice list for high school graduates. I clipped it and mailed it to my nephew. Could you run it again?—Uncle Wally, Forest Hill
Dear Uncle Wally: With pleasure. Here is the 2007 version of Advice for High School Graduates. Congratulations graduates!
• Do what you’re good at. Embrace your strengths and you’ll find your fortune.
• Do the same when you look in the mirror. Zoom in on your best features.
• Use your credit card for ID only. Deficit spending may work for the government, but it won’t work for you.
• Don’t date off the internet. Get out there and be yourself. It’s still the best way to meet someone.
• Want sex appeal? Stand up straight. Take it from me a million times.
• Don’t get your breasts done. If a guy wants that, why would you want him?
• If you were born gay, the sooner you live your truth, the better for everybody.
• If you were born straight, realize that tampering with bisexuality makes all shores a little slippery. Be grateful half the population doesn’t think of you sexually.
• FYI: only all-black tattoos are guaranteed removable.
• Addicted to sugar? Say hello to Type 2 Diabetes: impotence, blindness, loss of limbs. Withdrawal from sugar takes about a month.
• Learn to cook from scratch. You’ll save money now, medical bills later—and guys, this is a huge babe magnet.
• Remember how free you were as a kid before you needed coffee? You still can manufacture your own energy. Caffeine withdrawals last a week.
• Like the edge? Try life without drugs or alcohol. The side effect is wide-awake passion and screaming energy. I dare you to try it.
• If you must party, please watch your drink. Date rape drugs are brutally common.
• Take technology breaks. Too much screen time causes depression, too much texting and emailing lowers IQ. Your brain is designed for greater things than simple chores multi-tasked.
• Gaming addicts: Quit for yourself, not for everyone else. Take a month game-free and get your life back.
• Stressed? We’re like dogs, we need daily exercise: pant hard + drink water = wag tail. That’s right…where’s the ball? (or the hiking shoe, or the dance studio…)
• Feeling blue? There are pills for everything, but talking to a counselor can keep you off antidepressants for a lifetime. If it doesn’t, get a new counselor.
• Take responsibility for those extra pounds. Fitness is no mystery: avoid sodas and junk and exercise, exercise, exercise.
• If you’ve picked up a cigarette habit, hypnosis really does work. Just pay the money.
• Suicide is the biggest epidemic going. Please keep an eye on each other.
• Sex without love is highly over-rated. And requires condoms.
• Sex with love is the greatest thing going. However, you still need condoms.
• Are you ready to bring a child into the world? You’re not. Trust me on this.
• I’m sorry for all the internet porn you’ve grown up with. If you’re addicted, get help.
• Red alert! Unresolved family issues make you prone to dating your mother or father in disguise. Ten sessions of therapy could save you 20 years of lousy relationships.
• Compromise is good in a relationship, but having boundaries is essential. If your partner can’t handle them, lucky you: he or she will leave.
• Girls: keep your girlfriends when you get a boyfriend. They will be around long after the guys have come and gone.
• Want to change your life? Go six weeks without gossiping.
• Everyone: Stop bashing men.
• Read the paper. Fifteen minutes a day is twice as informative as an hour of TV news.
• Go to college. The experience goes way beyond getting a better job.
• Go to college. You will get a better job.
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May 23rd, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 48 and I recently had my breasts augmented to a C cup. I made no secret of it and many of my 13-year-old daughter’s friends have expressed shock, saying things like, “I didn’t think your mom was that type,” or “Why is she announcing it?” My son, 16, took one look and said, “Mom, I need some time to deal with this.”
There is a lot of judgment around this surgery and I would like to say that being 48 is different than being 18 or even 25. My doctor won’t even give the surgery to women who are 18 because they need to get to know themselves more. I’m clear about who I am and about making a permanent change to my body.
What I want to know is how to respond to the judgment I get, especially from teenagers.—New & Improved, but still Mom
Dear New & Improved: Yes, you’re still Mom—and you’ve joined the fastest-growing demographic in the history of plastic surgery. 329,000 breast augmentations were performed in 2006, most of them to mothers. Cosmetic surgery has increased 48 percent since 2000, with breast augmentation by far the most popular procedure.
The teen panel thinks that because you are an adult and a mother, you live above the fray, and should let teen judgment “roll off your shoulders,” as teens are, after all, “less than half your age.” But I think you should tell them the truth. Tell them that grown mothers are no happier with their bodies than teenage girls. Tell them that we, too, are influenced by an entertainment, fashion, and plastic surgery industry that overwhelmingly favors and promotes the nubile, adolescent body. Tell them we want our bodies to match an unrealistic standard as much as any teenager. The difference is, we have money and they don’t.
The truth is, society continues to devalue and reject motherhood, both in function and form, and women are vulnerable to these messages. We tell our daughters to love their bodies, but I wonder how many can.
From Rachel L., 15: I have mixed feelings about breast implants. My 29-year-old sister is thinking about getting her breasts done and if it made her happier, I guess I wouldn’t mind. She says that after having two kids, they sag! On the other hand, another relative got a huge, in-your-face breast job, which she flaunts. Regarding judgment from teens, don’t worry about it. Teens will always have something to say.
From Mary 17: I’m glad you’re not 18 or 25 because the doc is right, you don’t know yourself enough at that age. But you’re 48. As for the comments from teens, let them roll off your shoulders.
From Savannah, 13: A friend’s mom had it done recently and at first it was weird that her mom was always talking about it, but eventually the openness made me comfortable with it. It wasn’t like she was trying to pretend they were hers.
From Mariah, 15: Many teenagers think having plastic surgery makes you fake. However, my aunt had a breast job and nobody judged her for it. I think anyone younger than 25 should wait, but after having children, your body changes and a lot of women become self-conscious.
From Kendal, 20: At 48, you’ve been through a lot with your self-image and you’re not trying to be someone you’re not. Heck, I’ve considered getting breast implants after I’m done having kids. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful and desirable no matter what your age. You were honest with your kids, so who cares what other teenagers (people less than half your age) are thinking?
From Jennifer, 13: I think moms get breast implants because they worry that they don’t look good enough and that their husbands might leave them for a younger woman. Or, if the mother is single, that she won’t be able to attract a new guy.
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May 16th, 2007
Dear Straight Talk: The recent column on Emo kids (4/25/2007) was sickening. Your teen panel blatantly bashed others based on stereotypes. I got the impression that anyone who wears long sleeves, or black, is a worthless, annoying, self-pitying soul whom “everyone has had enough of.” I thought this column existed to foster intelligent, helpful discussions, but nothing constructive came out of that cruel and ignorant bias.—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: Fostering intelligent, helpful discussions is always my intent—whether I succeed is what is important. For clarification, the teen panelists work independently. None know what the others have said, nor what I am going to say, until the column has gone to press.
Most teens test out different fashions and lifestyles on their way to adulthood and for that reason, tolerance is important during these years. Yet many feel that the Emo lifestyle crosses a line because it glorifies depression and/or self-destructive behavior. While I agree the criticism was harsh, from what I can tell, the trend deserves some heat.
Below are more letters like yours, and the teen panel’s response.
Dear Straight Talk: How many on your teen panel have actually gotten to know a kid labeled “Emo?” It’s easy to judge people you don’t know. The few kids I know who wear tight pants and dye their hair black are some of the most creative, friendly, fun-loving people out there. Step outside your blissfully “normal” box and show compassion to those you deem “different.”—K.B.
Dear Straight Talk: I’d like to point out that most of us exhibit “Emo” behavior under different guises. For example, most humans carry drama, most prefer self-interest over interest in others, and all social groupings have members with suicidal tendencies. Fads are just fads and we shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Hating Emos is no different than Emos hating preps. The Buddha said: “You are what you hate.”—College senior
From Peter, 20: I don’t hate Emo kids or their fashion, but the self-deprecating attitude that’s associated with the trend is destructive. Yes, everyone is self-deprecating at times, but most don’t turn it into a way of life. Yes, I know kids labeled Emo that are creative, friendly and fun-loving, but most aren’t. Yes, stereotyping is bad, but at some level there is truth. I’m just calling it like I see it.
From Kendal, 20: My high school boyfriend was into metal and punk. When he switched to Emo, he became completely different. His depression issues amplified and he alienated his friends. Another friend with family trouble started listening to Emo music. She started cutting and would play certain songs to cut to. The Emo “fad” is simply one I cannot support.
From Lennon, 20: “Blissfully normal?” I’m told every day that I’m weird. What defines Emos is not their fashion. It’s not new to wear black and dye your hair black. What’s new is expressing your feelings publicly (usually on MySpace) instead of to a private confidante. Telling the whole world every problem you have is not only discourteous, but annoying. It reads: “I want attention, not help.” Also, I like listening to sad songs, but Emo music is not just sad, it’s vengeful.
From Farren, 19: Social categorizations are a ridiculous invention of society and I never meant to bash anyone personally. If you associate with a label, it’s natural to get flak. By being yourself and ignoring social constructions, you will receive far less criticism.
It’s not coincidence that most of the panelists had the same negative view on the social categorization of “Emo.” That’s because we’ve dealt with it. There was something bitingly honest in the past column and I commend the writers for not sugar-coating their words to avoid “passing judgment.” Sometimes a critical voice is necessary to engage and reflect.
From Rose, 19: Some kids take the Emo thing too far, but when I was young and struggling with depression, listening to Emo music connected me with my feelings and helped me realize I wasn’t alone. I wish I hadn’t been judged for that.
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