Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

Making MySpace a safe space for teens

Dear Straight Talk: My daughter is 16 and she is addicted to MySpace. She’ll spend every after-school hour on there if I let her—which happens a lot as I often work late. I’m a single dad and I’m wondering how safe this medium is and how much time the average teen spends on it. I’m aware of the potential for predators, but how would I ever know if she’s running into trouble? You and your teens always give such sensible advice. How much time should I give her on MySpace and what should I do to ensure she is safe?—Meadow Vista

Dear Meadow Vista: Ask to see her MySpace page. See what her “friends” are like. According to a recent Pew survey, 70 percent of girls and 57 percent of boys between the ages of 15 and 17 are using social networking sites. MySpace is the most popular by far. Two-thirds of those surveyed were using a “private” setting, thus keeping themselves safe from predators.

The biggest problems are girls posting sexually explicit photos or videos of themselves. For boys it is showing themselves using drugs or alcohol. There are many adults in this “place for friends,” as MySpace calls itself, and some are definitely there to look at the photos, others to sell drugs and pornography. According to Nielsen NetRatings, more than 30 percent of MySpace users are between 35 and 40, and 27 percent are over 45.

The best way to keep your daughter safe—in any situation—is to stay in close communication with her so she will come to you in times of trouble. Setting reasonable boundaries assures her that you care. Just as you teach her the dangers of drugs and alcohol, teach her the danger of posting provocative photos and interacting with online strangers. MySpace is an obsession for many teens and, in my opinion, should be limited to one hour per day.

From Julz, 16: Have her show you her page. I used to be approached by predators, but I put my profile on “private.” Now I just ignore emails from strangers and refuse them as a “friend” if they ask. If your page is set to “private” only your “friends” can see it. As long as you’re not talking to people you don’t know or putting up inappropriate pictures, you should be perfectly safe. Most teens are addicted so set a time limit. Thirty minutes to an hour a day is plenty.

From Shelby, 14: I’m never approached by strangers because I have my profile set on “private” so the only way anyone can be my “friend” is if they know my last name or my email address—and even then I have to okay them. Ask your daughter to let you see her page. If she has nothing to hide she will show you. I spend about three hours a day on MySpace. Sometimes I feel addicted but I’m getting my homework done and getting fresh air now and then so I think it’s under control.

From Lennon, 20: Please, more than one hour a day is a waste. I have a public profile so anyone can view my page but I never accept anyone as a “friend” unless I know them. “Friends” can post comments on your page, while “non-friends” must approach you with a private email. I’ve had at least 15 emails from women wanting me to look at home-made porn from their webcam for a price.

From Jarrad, 18: There are too many prostitutes on MySpace. I’d have girls want to be my friend and half their photos would be naked. After one year, I cancelled because it was so stupid. I had 375 alleged “friends.” My site was viewed over 6000 times. Anybody could view it: my boss, my coach, my parents, colleges, etc. Everyone complained when I gave my two-week notice, but now I have more time for my real friends.

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Mr. Electric vanishes after hot date

Dear Straight Talk: I met this guy in the library at college and there was instant electricity. We decided to go for coffee, and afterward we walked to a different place for dinner. In all we spent five hours together and by the end of the ‘date’ we were even talking about when we first met. He got my phone number and said he would call. I was so sure he would that I didn’t get his number and I don’t even know his last name. I think I know where he works, though, but it’s not the kind of place the public walks into. It’s been ten days and he hasn’t called. Do I assume the date wasn’t that much fun for him after all and let it go? Or could he have lost my number, in which case, do I try to track him down at his job? I don’t want to appear desperate by lurking around his work site. What do the college guys on your panel say?—19, Sierra College

Dear Sierra: My initial take on this was identical to Torey’s: forget about Mr. Electric, he’s not available. But after hearing from the guys on the panel—each saying the same thing, I’m seeing things in a different light. If you really had this much chemistry together—and I believe you did—take the risk and contact him at his job. There really is nothing to lose and everything to gain. I like Ken’s idea to give him two weekends to contact you before you do this.

From Ken, 19: Great chemistry doesn’t happen every day and five hours is too long to play-act. Losing a number is easy to do, especially if he put it in his phone—they are always breaking. Here’s what I suggest: He’s in college and balancing a job, so give him two weekends plus another week to call. This gives him time to wrap up loose ends. (It could be he is breaking up with his girlfriend.) There’s only one way to find out. After waiting this long, if you are still hot on him, what do you have to lose? Walk into his workplace and ask for him.

From Lennon, 20: If he lost your number and really wanted to find you again, he could. But he might have started second guessing things and lost confidence. There’s no way to know unless you contact him.

From Johannes, 20: The thing is, you can make assumptions all day about whether he had fun, lost your number, or has a girlfriend. The only way to find out for sure is to go to his jobsite and ask for him. It’s risky, but the worst thing he can say is that he’s not interested. What is there to lose, really? At the least, you put closure on it.

From Torey, 20: As a female, I would assume he has something else going on. After five hours of conversation, he could have tracked you down if he really wanted to. I would forget about him.

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You’re always someone’s kid….

Dear Straight Talk: I’m 53 and my kids are ages 22, 24 and 25. All are presently in college. How does one refer to their children once they are grown and on their own? Calling them “kids” doesn’t sound right but I don’t know what else to call them.—Rich H., Sacramento

From Brittney, 18: You’re still your parents’ kid aren’t you? What’s wrong with calling them kids? Or do like my mom does and call them your “adult children.”

From Peter, 20: Regardless of how old they are, they are still your kids. But at 53, you’ve also earned the right to call them “Chilluns,” “Youngins,” “Varmints,” and perhaps “Spawn.” Now that I’m grown up, my dad calls me by my baby name, which was, apparently, Dee-Dah. Go figger…

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