Archive for April, 2006
April 26th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: Would an adult perspective on cutting help? When I was 30 I went through a very painful divorce. During one intense crying jag, I grabbed a steak knife and began drawing lines on my arms—without actually drawing blood. I honestly don’t know what compelled me to do it. I’m nearly 50 years old now and back then I had never heard of “cutting”.
This is what it felt like: the intense nervousness and angst I was feeling suddenly was “limited” to the scraping on my arms. It felt “nice” to have so much pain limited to a small area. I believe our body releases comfort chemicals to help ease pain, which may be where the “rush” comes from. Of course, I was scared that I was going crazy since I had no idea cutting was something people did. After a few times, I forced myself to avoid the activity because I sensed it could become addicting. I knew it was a copout to avoid the real issues that were perplexing me. Today, if I had a teenager who was cutting, I would explain how addicting it can be.
I think cutters probably fall into two categories, the ones who want to “limit” their pain and the ones who want a rush. For the former, I recommend talk therapy (it worked for me), and for the latter, an exciting sport that provides an alternative rush. I hope this adult insight helps.—Name withheld
Dear Name withheld: It does. Twenty years ago, when you drew those lines on your arms, cutting was just emerging as an addictive psycho-cultural phenomenon. Though it is now commonplace, it continues to frighten people and your letter is helping lift that fear so we can see what we are dealing with.
If someone is cutting, your recommendations for talk therapy and for engaging the body athletically couldn’t be more right on. With the current speed of life, the breakdown of the family, and the substitution of electronics for human warmth, I would add that these are important activities whether a person is cutting or not.
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April 26th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: A few weeks ago you printed a piece on a guy getting married and his mom was freaking out that he was perhaps going to the altar when he really didn’t want to. This is so typical that I’d like to personally protest the whole idea of the modern wedding. If adults wonder why nobody’s getting married these days, this pressure around the “the big fat perfect wedding” is a big fat reason why.
It would be so much easier on the couple, so much more realistic on nerves and bank accounts, if they could say their vows in a small, private setting with no material fanfare—taking strictly a spiritual angle—without the families sniping and competing over who you’re spending the most time with, who’s on the guest list, who is wearing what, whose money’s being spent, etc. It’s enough to make you keel over. You’d have to be 42, with no life, to be able to handle it. Or else drink a whole lot, which, if you’ve noticed, is how most grooms get through their “special” day.
There are some cultures where the betrothed say to each other three times in front of the holy person: “I marry you, I marry you, I marry you.” Now THAT I could handle.—19, in a committed relationship, but a wedding, are you kidding?
Dear 19: I hear what you’re saying. And if I had my way, the couple would receive at least ten big fat hours of marriage counseling before they take those sacred vows.
Anyone else like to comment on the modern wedding?
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April 19th, 2006
Dear Straight Talk: I went to a party recently with a friend and this hot guy was flirting with me and we started making out. I had had a couple of drinks but not any more than usual, not enough to black out or anything. At a certain point everything kind of went blank and I don’t remember anything until I woke up at my friend’s house feeling really gross. I don’t even remember her driving us home. My friend thinks they put ecstasy in my drink. Now I’m wondering if I had sex with that guy and don’t remember it. Has this ever happened?—Memory Loss
Dear Memory: More times than I care to think about. Date rape drugs are becoming more common and victims are unable to refuse sex and have no memory of what took place. If this happened to you, it is considered a “drug-facilitated sexual assault”. For your safety, get checked by a doctor immediately. If there are signs of sexual assault, report it to the police. In my opinion, this so-called “hot guy” is a prime suspect and I would take notes on his looks and try to get his name for the police. If he’s innocent, he has nothing to worry about.
The teen staff has more to say. Information on date rape drugs is available at the website below.
From Farren, 18: If you left your cup unattended and you were already slightly inebriated, it is very likely you were drugged. And if you were drugged, it is likely you were raped or sexually assaulted in some way. As for questioning ecstasy, I don’t think that was the drug you were given. Ecstasy causes a euphoric high and is usually associated with an emotionally relaxed and physically exhilarated state.
You should check in at a women’s health clinic to get an exam and get tested for STDs. It could be that you just passed out and nothing happened, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
The next time you go to a party pour your own drinks and keep your drink with you at all times, covering it with your hand. If you set it down, don’t pick it back up and drink it. Just pour yourself a new drink. Also, stay with your friends! It is important to have a buddy system. Keep a cell phone for emergencies, and make sure someone knows where you are in case something happens.
From Geoff, 20: It’s very possible you were raped. It would be best to make an appointment with a local health center to make sure you don’t have STDs or a pregnancy.
From what I’ve seen with my less-than-intelligent college friends, your experience is not a side-effect of extasy. You were probably slipped one of three common date rape drugs, GHB, rohypnol, or ketamine, which have short-term amnesia effects. For more information visit http://www.4woman.gov/faq/rohypnol.htm.
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