Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

Modern courtship initiation still a classic

Dear Straight Talk: Responding to the column on whether it works better if the guy initiates the courtship or the girl, I think it depends on the attitude of the people involved. I don’t see why classic gender roles should play a part in the process. I mean, if the guy really has to be the instigator just so he can get off on that kind of power, I don’t see why a girl would be interested in him. In my current relationship (almost a year now), I did ask her on the first date, but that was only because she had invited me to a party at her house and was flirting with me. So, it’s hard to say who did the initiation. We both did, in different ways.—Geoff, 19

Dear Geoff: You’re right. And based on your description, you both played a classic role. The scenario could have been lifted out of a Tolstoy novel: potential suitors are invited to parties at the girl’s home, she flirts with the object of her desire, and hopes to win a date. Aren’t you glad it worked?!

Dear Straight Talk: Regarding your column on courtship initiation, I will say that in my current relationship I did the initiating. I kept initiating even though it seemed impossible. I began wondering why I was pursuing her on one hand, and knew I would never give up on the other. Then everything clicked and it’s the best ever.

Honestly, I think some women use “women’s rights” only when it’s beneficial to them, such as in justifying brash courting of men. In a lot of cases, I think the men are taken aback. It makes me feel like a wimp. I can’t just go up and ask a girl out cold, but they can do it to me.

Personally, I think the girl could initiate the flirting, as most times they are hard to read, but I think the guy should still ask the question. Maybe I’m insecure about how strong I am and need to make all the big decisions, but that’s the way I feel.—Lennon, 18

Dear Lennon: I think you’re a lot more secure than you realize. How else could you keep pursuing your dream when things seemed impossible?

You make an interesting point: that you wouldn’t ask a girl out without the flirtation being there first, yet you say girls will ask guys out without waiting for hints. Readers, this is juicy terrain and I’m wondering what you think of this comment.