October 26th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: My son, 16, is a lot different than I was as a teenager and I keep my mouth shut in order to keep peace with his mother (also my wife), and let him “do his thing”—which mostly seems to be video games and skateboarding. Now, I’ve discovered that his “thing” includes shaving his legs. My wife and I are at odds. I think he obviously needs some male guidance. What is your opinion?—A.F., Granite Bay
Dear A.F.: Teen boys not only need, but crave, adult male guidance. By all means, spend one-on-one time with your son, maybe one weekend doing what you like and one weekend doing what he likes. But don’t get in a lather over your son shaving his legs. It’s the fashion right now. Yes, even the jocks are doing it. Keep a sense of humor and find relief in the fact that is harmless, non-addictive, and self-reversing.
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October 26th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: Regarding last week’s column on abortion, I know that if I got pregnant and wanted an abortion I would be too scared to tell my parents. But the fact is you shouldn’t be able to “erase” your mistakes with an abortion without at least facing the consequence of telling your parents. They aren’t going to be happy about it, but they need to know what you’re doing.
I think Proposition 73, which would require doctors to notify parents 48 hours before performing an abortion on a minor, will cause a lot more responsible action on the part of teens. That will be a good thing because if you take responsible action such as using a condom, taking the morning-after pill if the condom breaks, or, if you’re sexually active, getting on the pill, you will never need an abortion.
Girls have so many opportunities to have sex without pregnancy. On any college campus or county health clinic you can get free condoms, free pills—or if you forget to take pills, there’s the free birth control shot you can get every three months.
The main thing though is to wait before having sex. Take responsibility to get to know the guy. The majority of girls regret who they’ve had sex with because once they get to know him better they realize they’re not in love after all. It usually takes about two months of going out with a guy before the infatuation wears off and you see him accurately.—Brittney, 16
Dear Brittney: I wish we could bottle your sense of responsibility. I know a number of fully grown women who could use it, not just teens.
Your desire for boundaries and consequences around pregnancy is healthy. Even with something as scary as confessing to your parents that you are pregnant and want an abortion, it sounds like you would welcome a law requiring you to do that. That is because you have parents who would still love you after the shock wore off.
Sadly, there are parents out there of a different stripe—most of whom were themselves abused as children—and a girl facing them with this kind of information would be unsafe. This is why, even as I advise girls to tell at least one parent if they are pregnant, I do not support parental notification becoming a law.
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October 26th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: If Proposition 73 passes and a girl fears for her safety, she can go to the courts and ask to be exempted from telling her parents.–Peter, 18
Dear Peter: Maneuvering through the court system is too great a challenge for the majority of adults and I guarantee that pregnant girls on the verge of a nervous breakdown will take a different route. It’s called the back alley.
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