May 25th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: What do you do with unending crushes? I’ve had an unreasonable crush on this girl for four years now. I’m 19 and I think about her on a daily basis but never do anything about it.—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: Unending crushes…….ah, yes, there’s a reason we hold onto these. Artists and poets know about this—as do all young people who haven’t yet steeled themselves to life. Crushes are full of hope and possibility, tension and inspiration. Consider yourself lucky! Oh, you want practical advice? Okay, okay, they’re not called “crushes” for nothing, and it sounds like you’re feeling the squeeze.
You call it an “unreasonable” crush. Have you answered your own question and the reason you never take action is because there is something preventing this relationship from ever being successful? Take an honest look and see if this is true.
If it’s not true (or maybe it was true, but that limitation has grown up and moved on), and you’re looking for that nudge of courage to put your neck on the line (gulp), then all I can say is: nothing ventured, nothing gained. When a man offers his heart, honestly and respectfully, to the woman he loves, miracles can happen.
Trust your gut feeling on this one, it won’t steer you wrong.
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May 25th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: After reading Brittney’s experience with antidepressants, I’d like to share my story. After high school I went through an incredibly stressful period trying to figure out a career and be an adult. I had never been depressed before, but now I felt isolated and paranoid and getting out of bed in the morning was an effort. Things felt hopeless and I just wanted to take the pain away.
I see now that what I needed was psychological help, but when I went to my doctor, she put me on antidepressants. There was no monitoring or counseling to go with them. The three months I was on the drugs were some of the weirdest of my life. I was completely lethargic, the world seemed nasty and disgusting, I blew money, and I clung—with poor judgment—to anybody that seemed willing to love or take care of me. Worst of all, the drugs took my personality away. It was like hitting a “mute” button, like you’re dead but still moving.
After three months, my mom intervened. She brought me home and took the antidepressants away. It was cold turkey, and like Brittney, I had horrible withdrawals. Everything was excruciating. I couldn’t even prepare my own food because the slightest noise of the package opening was unbearable. Something as simple as the overhead light was so painful I would have to lie on the floor and hold my head. Even sleep gave no relief and I would wake up in cold sweats from dreams where I was awake and unable to move.
My mother found me a therapist and after just a few sessions I felt much better. It’s amazing how such a small investment of time with the right person can turn your life around.—Casey, 21
Dear Casey: That’s because there was nothing fundamentally wrong with you. You were struggling with a situation that overwhelmed you, and that can happen to anybody. As I said last week, situational depression can almost always be treated successfully with therapeutic counseling—without the use of antidepressants. Antidepressants often add negative effects to an already difficult situation. When taken without the guidance of a counselor they can be downright dangerous. Thank you for writing.
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May 18th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: My son, “Jason”, is 17 and recently began taking antidepressants. He wasn’t always depressed, but things came up in his life: grades, work, breaking up with his girlfriend, and I guess he is bending under the strain. The drugs don’t seem to be helping much and I’m concerned about the research linking these drugs to suicide. What can I do for him rather than put him on drugs?—No name please
Dear No name: Is your son seeing a mental health professional? Antidepressants are powerful psycho-active drugs and anyone using them should be under close professional observation. Family care practitioners prescribe most of the antidepressants in this country, and with 20 to 30 patients a day, most are unable to provide adequate monitoring and guidance.
Jason’s depression sounds situational. Situational depression is less severe than what psychologists call “major depression” and can almost always be resolved without the use of antidepressants—as long as there is some form of help: a counselor, clergy, or therapeutic group.
Professional counseling solves your dilemma on all levels. Since Jason is already on antidepressants—which are much more effective when combined with counseling—by seeing a mental health professional, he will be evaluated for the type of depression he suffers, he will heal the roots causes of his depression through therapy, and will get the regular monitoring he needs to assure that he gets off the drug safely.
Read on to see, first-hand, the importance of professional guidance.
From Brittney, 16: I was depressed for about 18 months over a stomach illness. My gastroenterologist encouraged me to take antidepressants and I finally agreed, although reluctantly. After a week or two on the drug my family commented that I seemed happier. But it was strange. The outside of me became seemingly happier, but the inside of me was still very sad. It was like the sadness went underground into a deeper part of me and my outer reality was a “show” that didn’t match how I felt inside. It was very confusing, like I had two realities, one fake and one real.
You must understand that I absolutely couldn’t stand how I felt; I hated that I was altered mentally because of this pill. After three months, I’d had it. I stopped taking the pills and told nobody. (During this whole time I had not seen my gastroenterologist; there were no follow-ups scheduled.)
I had no idea how powerful these drugs are and it was a mistake to quit cold turkey. Within a couple of days I was experiencing true anxiety. It was horrible, like nothing I’d known before, my heart racing, my emotions on rocket fuel. Hives broke out over my whole body. I honestly thought I was dying. My feelings were so out of control I thought I needed to check into a hospital in case I tried to kill myself.
Finally I told my mom what I’d done, but I refused to take the pills and refused to see the doctor. She found me professional help, one-on-one, and I joined a group, Teens-Matter. Within three to four weeks I was through the worst of it.
It’s weird to imagine, looking back, that I really considered suicide during that time, but I did. Before the drug, I had never had suicidal feelings. I had never even had what is called “anxiety”. I was just a normal kid having some troubles in a difficult situation. What I needed all along—and finally got—was psychological counseling.
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